choices

choices
I know it is different ropes, I am glad you are here Larry, thanks for the support, :)
 
Ahh....the ropes in gym were not well-liked with someone like myself since I couldn't climb up them to begin with. The gym teacher that taught our class was a well built, fit instructor who tolerated nothing else but the same from his "children."

As an adolescent I think I turned to food for comfort only to hide from the atrocity I was living; I was rather overweight. The "asshole" teacher would purposely call on me just to ridicule and mock the fact I couldn't accomplish the task at hand. This had a dramatic impact on my psyche and in my teens I changed dramatically. I became the thinnest kid in school . Now I was capable to do some of the stunts other kids would do. I learned it didn't matter whether you were thin or heavy, the prejudice still existed!


Ahh...the ropes were just the beginning to the torture my gym teacher chose to put me through! There were monkey bars and races; it made a negative impact on my outlook on any form of gymnastics. I believe it is through encouragement that you will achieve the ultimate goal. I truly believe if he had taken the time not to make a fool of me (so all the other classmates followed) but to encourage me (as well as other fellow classmates) the end result would have been rewarding for everyone!

Life, if only we all could live life not looking and judging our fellow human beings but mindful of our own inhibitions and skeletons that lurk in the shadows ....what a better world this could be.

I hope everyone is well. My best to all
 
Eddie,

If you want to revise your post, for example delete something from it, just click on the icon showing a pad and pencil. That will take you back into the original text of your post and you can change anything you want.

Larry
 
Eddie:

No need to apologize - as the others said, you can edit it out. However, after I read it, I was left with some insight into your life and the struggles you have gone thru.

I want to say this publicly for the benefit of anyone struggling through our healthcare system, and if you would like to further the discussion, I invite you to PM me since it would be off-topic.

I know that many of us who are survivors have many health care issues that may or may not be by-products of the emotional distress in our lives. I have found through hard experience that our health-care system in the US is great as long as you are healthy. But, once you have serious health problems, it is very easy to become mired in a tangle of red tape, HMO bull****, and decisions made by people who are not much more than those interested in the financial bottom line of the insurance companies.

Without going too far off-topic, I cannot stress enough how important it is to become your own advocate. When it gets to the point that your voice isn't being heard, then it's time to get a reputable attorney. I'm not a litigious person, but sometimes we need someone to fight on our behalf.

Now, to the original posting - Michael Joseph - You have learned such an important lesson in life - and that is to be true to yourself. Unfortunately, there are so many people in this world living a lie - a facade - either because of their own fears and prejudices or because of the consequences from those around them who refuse to accept the beauty of individuality.

You have chosen the more difficult path (IMHO), but one that will bring you to old age without regrets. Sometimes it may seem easier to conform to what society wants us to be, but in the end, who wins?

To me, it is far more important to live a life of truth, a life of following your heart, a life where you are kind to others and show them the same respect you would wish shown to you. How much more noble can that be?

You have found something far more precious than any riches on earth - yourself.

SD
 
there is still a loss here, eventhough things went crazy between me and my wife I still love her, I don't know what to think. I have myself-life is different.
 
Michael,

Choices often involve loss; that's what makes them so painful. But so often they have to be made no matter what the pain involved is. The alternative of continuing to stagger along is just not an option any longer. Tragic as that fact may be, it is still a fact.

Much love,
Larry
 
It is just hard with the loss and the fact that if I was treated better I would have stayed.

I desearve to be treated well, I know that.
I do miss my dogs, and want some of my things, but it will take a while till I can deal with all that.
 
Michael,

I know bro. I'm listening. (((((Michael))))).

Much love,
Larry
 
thanks Larry, it does help, you and everyone here that are my friends.

MJ
 
The guys here are very special, the support here is wonderful, shybear you have a great day and look forward to your posts. hugs for everyone

mj
 
I don't know if you have time to read (it seems to be a luxury anymore for most of us), but there is an excellent book that may shed some light on life for you. It's called "Necessary Losses", by Judith Viorst. It talks about the choices that we make in life and the losses that we encounter which are a necessary part of life. It comes in paperback - I highly recommend it.

SD
 
just wanted to add this, marred 20+ years, now things are different.

I just dont fit into a label, I am human and my life is different now very little I am me and continue to be me. The person I choose to love is who he is. It is just hard to fit the steriotype that is out there. I struggled too long and now I am just michael joseph nothing more nothing less.

Title of my book I am writing.

Little Boy Blue
 
things are different, confusion over sex,
I did not understand the difference between
being confused and being gay,

I never wanted sex with men, still don't.

But after several men wanted sex with me I did not know what was love and what was abuse.
I know I am not gay, I just wanted someone to love me. I guess you can be loved with out sex.

That is what I have learned.
I wanted love.
 
Michael,

That's one of the most tragic ways abuse affects a boy, I think. All he wants is love, to be special, wanted, important; and abuse teaches him that for that he has to give sex. And to who? Someone who will never give him those things he wanted.

And we wonder where the confusion comes from.

Much love,
Larry
 
thanks larry

I wanted a dad so bad and the love

I didnt want the confusion
 
Michael,

That's another one that can't be made right for us. But what's important now? Have a look at your poem about love. I think that says it all.

Much love,
Larry
 
From my love poem

"it took a long long time
to understand what love was

so many said they loved me
only a few meant it"

I did not ask for abuse
I did want to be loved
I still miss my dad after all these years
I do not miss the man that hurt me or my cousins that hurt me too.
I never liked being around my grandfather, I never asked him to abuse me over and over again.
 
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