Children at the age of your abuse

[onlyakid]

*possible triggers* You know how they say that if you look at a child around the age of your abuse you can see how you were and it will help you with feelings about how you should have been better able to handle yourself. Well my neice is 13 and even though I can see her as vulnerable I cant see any of me at that age in her and it doesnt do anything for me. Perhaps its that she is a girl not a boy, perhaps it's because she is small for her age. I was thinking about this and just wondered what others opinions are?

 

[genedebs]

My oldest grandson is about the age I was when I was first molested. The idea that I should have been able to prevent it and protect my little brother are clearly crazy expectations. It is obvious that I couldn't. When my daughter was about my age of when I was raped and she was molested by her Christian Camp counselor, I knew she was more mature that I had been. She was able to stop the progression while I was not.

 

[CafeMan]

My nephew/godson is is now 13, but when he was 11-12 I used to study him. His personality is very similar to mine so it was even more poignant for me. I see the natural vulnerability of his youth and think how sad I was right after it happened. Yet I see an added strength in him due to his karate training and "untouched" disposition. I never studied martial arts, but think about what if I did at the time . . .

He is naturally strong, like I was, but holds a lot in for fear of doing major damage to someone. His parents, immediate family and I teach him to be responsible with his talents, yet we also instill the belief to express himself and to defend himself if need be.

The immediate family all gathered yesterday to celebrate Mother's Day. When my nephew was leaving, I hugged him goodbye and didn't let go for about a minute. I whispered how proud I am of his achievements and how I love him so much. I see myself in him but I also see myself as if I was never affected by all this . . . And it's bittersweet.

 

[DavoSwim]

When my nephew turned 11, the age I was when I was molested, it was really hard for me. He was so innocent, and I imagine I was too. It was really hard for me to imagine that a priest could be so evil, and be the exact opposite of everything he was supposed to be, to molest an innocent kid like that.

Dave

 

[pufferfish]

I have purposely used my own response in this to help with my own therapy.

There is a movie: A Painted House, where the boy is about 11 or 12. When I watch this movie it's like watching myself and I can study my own reactions and see how I might have acted. There is an "abuser" in the movie, but it doesn't show details there.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=epRDIEUSxuA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iTpIe9mruYE

https://www.google.com/#q=a+painted+house+movie+online


Puffer