Childhood story
CalabrianBambino
Registrant
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*** Possible Triggers ***
it’s been a while since I have submitted anything on this forum. it’s good to finally be back on here. anyhow, I’d like to share a story of mine that has been tearing at me for a while.
when I was 10 or 11, my brother’s older best friend would invite me into my bedroom and play games with me. the games tended to be Porn games. at the time I thought it was cool because he was my brothers friend and i trusted him. the games involved doing sexual acts with girls or sex fantasies. it seemed fine because of the trust I had, but things progressed. he started making me masturbate him and tried making me sit on his dick. the sitting part never happened because it hurt too much to fit in. he already passed through puberty and I was younger than he was by a little over 2 years. now I’ve already made a thread about this story and I’ve tried moving on from it. so far things have been going great! I have friends in school, girls I like that like me and a “solid” (excuse my French but that’s bullshit) family. but I cannot get the experience out my head. it’s permenantly engrained. every time i start feeling sad it hits me hard — I find it difficult to be happy for a week to 2 weeks. my self esteem is low and so is my trust level. however I have shared that story with friends to show I trust them. one story I have not told, though, involves me being sexually exploited by my family member.
when I was 10-12 years old my brother used to play this game with me. he had me sit in between his legs and then he would bond and gag me. this happened over 50 times easily. he got a sexual rush out of it while I was being exploited for somebody’s selfish needs. this story is the hardest one to tell and the hardest one to write. I am not going to go into great depth over the acts but they have left me fucked in the head...
I constantly find a need to abuse substances. I constantly find a need for older men attention. I constantly find myself frustrated with life. now this story is only the surface of what happened. Writing down every part would accomplish nothing. Why? This is not me. I am not defined by what happened to me. The reason “I” is used so much is because using third person would show that it overpowers me.
I shared this story because I want to encourage others who have trust issues sexual issues and anger to think positively and move forward. I am not perfect at all and it’s a pain in the ass to be mr.rogers (unless you’re Tom hanks lol). A life of hatred and hostility is one of brokenness that will be thrown aside. Let’s move on and do something for ourselves our children our families and our communities.
thank you and have a great day
.
*** Possible Triggers ***
it’s been a while since I have submitted anything on this forum. it’s good to finally be back on here. anyhow, I’d like to share a story of mine that has been tearing at me for a while.
when I was 10 or 11, my brother’s older best friend would invite me into my bedroom and play games with me. the games tended to be Porn games. at the time I thought it was cool because he was my brothers friend and i trusted him. the games involved doing sexual acts with girls or sex fantasies. it seemed fine because of the trust I had, but things progressed. he started making me masturbate him and tried making me sit on his dick. the sitting part never happened because it hurt too much to fit in. he already passed through puberty and I was younger than he was by a little over 2 years. now I’ve already made a thread about this story and I’ve tried moving on from it. so far things have been going great! I have friends in school, girls I like that like me and a “solid” (excuse my French but that’s bullshit) family. but I cannot get the experience out my head. it’s permenantly engrained. every time i start feeling sad it hits me hard — I find it difficult to be happy for a week to 2 weeks. my self esteem is low and so is my trust level. however I have shared that story with friends to show I trust them. one story I have not told, though, involves me being sexually exploited by my family member.
when I was 10-12 years old my brother used to play this game with me. he had me sit in between his legs and then he would bond and gag me. this happened over 50 times easily. he got a sexual rush out of it while I was being exploited for somebody’s selfish needs. this story is the hardest one to tell and the hardest one to write. I am not going to go into great depth over the acts but they have left me fucked in the head...
I constantly find a need to abuse substances. I constantly find a need for older men attention. I constantly find myself frustrated with life. now this story is only the surface of what happened. Writing down every part would accomplish nothing. Why? This is not me. I am not defined by what happened to me. The reason “I” is used so much is because using third person would show that it overpowers me.
I shared this story because I want to encourage others who have trust issues sexual issues and anger to think positively and move forward. I am not perfect at all and it’s a pain in the ass to be mr.rogers (unless you’re Tom hanks lol). A life of hatred and hostility is one of brokenness that will be thrown aside. Let’s move on and do something for ourselves our children our families and our communities.
thank you and have a great day