Childhood Sexuality
In another thread, I offered to post some info on childhood sexuality, what is normal or not. The following is from an outline for a class I teach periodically through Rutgers Graduate School of Social Work for social workers and others who work with children or caretakers. It is about what sexual behaviors are normal in childhood and other behaviors that call for intervention. Please remember it is just an outline I use in doing the class and I will respond to questions that may arise from it.
Here it is:
Rutgers School of Social Work, Continuing Education for Social Workers (C.S.W.)
B. Cultural and societal discomfort around childhood sexuality includes denial of both normal and deviant sexual development prior to puberty. Sexual behavior in children is normal, is learned behavior, and sexual deviance is not an inborn trait. Sexual behaviors are physiologically reinforced. (Feels good, do it again.)
C. Myths and misconceptions about childhood sexuality.
1. Children are not sexual because they are not physically mature. Erections in male fetuses seen in sonograms, vaginal lubrication in infants, etc.
2. Genital exploration is not sexual in nature. It is not about sexual fantasies or romance with another person. It is really about the childs sense of when I rub myself, it feels good. It is sexual in that sense.
3. Masturbation has harmful effects for children. Define masturbation- is it genital stimulation that merely feels good? Stimulation to the point of arousal? To the point of orgasm? (Yes, even infants and children can have orgasms, not ejaculations). Yes it is all of these.
4. Children do not need to know about these things until they are older. It has become more and more difficult for parents to shield kids from media exposure to sexual information in magazines, tv, video tapes, internet sites, older peers and siblings, etc. Parents need to provide accurate and age-appropriate information because kids are curious and want information.
III. Development of sexuality in children
1. Arousal is initially associated with physiological sensations, i.e., intimacy, arousal, orgasm, and/or tension reduction (Ryan). Child initially is self-focused, experiencing sexual arousal in response to physical changes (temperature, touch). Cognitions related to these sensations develop over time and become associated with particular stimuli through experience (When I touch my [genitals], it feels good.)
2. The notion of interpersonal sexual touching may emerge with peers, as solitary and parallel play evolve into interactive play, or may be introduced through observing others or in experiences of sexual victimization or exploitation.
3. Whether early experiences of sexual stimulation are pleasurable, confusing or traumatic, physiological reinforcements become associated with emotion, cognition, and psychological states. The young child may experience solitary masturbation as arousing or soothing; parental reactions to sexual behavior as validating, repressive, or punitive; abusive experiences as confusing, physically or psychologically comforting, uncomfortable painful, or emotionally traumatic.
4. Early interactions with peers are developmentally expected, but will be experienced in the context of the associations each of the children bring with them (i.e., memories, perceptions and beliefs) and in turn, contribute to future thoughts and feelings. Forethought (fantasies) soon becomes a source of stimulation, reinforcing the contextual variables of memory.
5. Ryan concludes, Educators and care givers can be trained to recognize, evaluate and respond to the sexual behavior and interpersonal functioning they observe among children in order 1) to validate or correct what children are learning and practicing, 2) to protect children from being victimized by other children, and 3) to hold children personally responsible for abusive behaviors.
IV. Normal sexual interests and behaviors
A. Pre-school (up to age four)
1. Limited peer contact, self-exploration and stimulation (bending over, looking into mirror.)
2. Touches/rubs own genitals randomly
3. Watches others, pokes others out of curiosity
4. Shows genitals
5. Interested in bathroom functions
6. Dirty language without realizing context
7. Plays house, mommy/daddy, doctor, imitating behavior
8. May insert objects, stops with pain or correction from parent
9. Interest in elimination, girls may attempt to urinate like boys
B. Young school age (five to seven)
1. Increased peer contact, non-coercive experimental interactions
2. Watches others but asks to touch
3. Wants privacy when using bathroom or changing clothes
4. Touches self for specific enjoyment, possibly to orgasm without compulsivity or direction from older peers or adults
5. Repulsed by or drawn to the opposite sex
6. Tells dirty jokes, plays games of show, uses doctor as game to explore, not imitating real doctor
7. Big interest in passing gas (may last longer with boys...into adulthood?)
8. May play kissing or holding hands with opposite sex
C. Pre-adolescent (eight to twelve)
1. Increased peer contact, non-coercive experimental interactions cont.
2. Touches self, may touch others but stops when told to
3. Exhibitionistic behaviors, mooning, comparing penis size
4. With older pre-adolescents, there may be kissing, petting, dry humping, interest in erotic or pornographic pictures. Key factor here is that normal means with peers and without force or coercion.
V. Problematic sexual behaviors
A. Defined in Task Force Report on Juvenile Sexual Offending as, interfering in the childs normal developmental tasks; disturbing healthy relationships; impeding participation in activities; increasing a childs risk of victimization; or causing physical, psychological or emotional distress to the child.
Consent- When a partner agrees with an action. This partner must understand the proposed action without being tricked or confused. Partner must know the standard for the behavior in the culture, family and peer group. Partner must also be aware of the potential consequences for self and others, as well as alternatives to the behavior. Partner must also be assured that a decision to agree or not participate will be respected and must be mentally competent. Does not apply to children with significant age difference or with adult/child consent.
Coercion- Using tricks, bribes, force, threats, or intimidation to get someone to go along with what you want them to do. Coercion is the tool to get someone to comply or cooperate.
Compliance- When victims simply go along without actively resisting even though they may think it is wrong and dont want to participate.
Cooperation- When a victim participates and doesnt know or understand the consequences or meaning of the activity. Particularly true where age or mental status prevents the person from making a decision about the behavior.
BEHAVIORS TO BE CONCERNED ABOUT:
The younger the child, the more persistent the behavior in spite of adult correction, the more distress of the peers in relationship to the actor, the more likely some professional intervention may be needed.
1. Preoccupation with sexual themes, especially aggressive ones
2. Pulling up others skirts, shirt or pants down
3. Sexually explicit or precocious conversations with peers
4. Sexual graffiti, especially chronic or impacting on individuals (such as writing fuck vs. Janie fucks her dog)
5. Sexual teasing, embarrassing others
6. Single occurrences of peeping/exposing/obscenities, pornographic interest, frottage
7. Preoccupation with masturbation, mutual or group masturbation
8. Simulating foreplay with dolls or peers with clothing on
D. Abusive or red flag behaviors in children- While the actual behavior is important to note, imbalances in the relationship is also critical to move a behavior from a yellow to a red flag one. Some relationship factors include:
1. Size, strength and age differential
2. Power or authority differential, such as someone in safety patrol using his authority, or being in a babysitter role
3. Lack of equality and consent, particularly where the other is less sophisticated or knowledgeable
4. Presence of coercive threats, violence or aggression
5. Power of popularity (If you dont go along, I wont be your friend)
6. Arbitrary labels like leader or boss
7. Fantasy roles in play such as king/slave, doctor/patient
The red flag behaviors include:
1. Sexually explicit conversations with significant age differences
2. Touching the genitals of others
3. Degrading self or others with sexual themes
4. Forcing exposures of others genitals
5. Sexually explicit proposals/threats (verbal or written notes)
6. Repeated or chronic peeping/obscenities/pornographic interests or frottage
7. Compulsive masturbation/task interruption to masturbate (leaving an activity to masturbate)
8. Masturbation with penetration
9. Simulating intercourse with dolls, peers, animals
E. No questions about this behavior
1. Oral, vaginal, anal penetration of dolls, children, animals
2. Forced touching of others genitals
3. Simulated intercourse with peers with clothing off
4. Any genital injury or bleeding not explained by accidental cause
Again, remember this is just an outline used in a 5 hour class with plenty of questions/answers. I hope I'm not opening up a hornet's nest with this but will be glad to respond to questions or comments.
Ken
Here it is:
Rutgers School of Social Work, Continuing Education for Social Workers (C.S.W.)
B. Cultural and societal discomfort around childhood sexuality includes denial of both normal and deviant sexual development prior to puberty. Sexual behavior in children is normal, is learned behavior, and sexual deviance is not an inborn trait. Sexual behaviors are physiologically reinforced. (Feels good, do it again.)
C. Myths and misconceptions about childhood sexuality.
1. Children are not sexual because they are not physically mature. Erections in male fetuses seen in sonograms, vaginal lubrication in infants, etc.
2. Genital exploration is not sexual in nature. It is not about sexual fantasies or romance with another person. It is really about the childs sense of when I rub myself, it feels good. It is sexual in that sense.
3. Masturbation has harmful effects for children. Define masturbation- is it genital stimulation that merely feels good? Stimulation to the point of arousal? To the point of orgasm? (Yes, even infants and children can have orgasms, not ejaculations). Yes it is all of these.
4. Children do not need to know about these things until they are older. It has become more and more difficult for parents to shield kids from media exposure to sexual information in magazines, tv, video tapes, internet sites, older peers and siblings, etc. Parents need to provide accurate and age-appropriate information because kids are curious and want information.
III. Development of sexuality in children
1. Arousal is initially associated with physiological sensations, i.e., intimacy, arousal, orgasm, and/or tension reduction (Ryan). Child initially is self-focused, experiencing sexual arousal in response to physical changes (temperature, touch). Cognitions related to these sensations develop over time and become associated with particular stimuli through experience (When I touch my [genitals], it feels good.)
2. The notion of interpersonal sexual touching may emerge with peers, as solitary and parallel play evolve into interactive play, or may be introduced through observing others or in experiences of sexual victimization or exploitation.
3. Whether early experiences of sexual stimulation are pleasurable, confusing or traumatic, physiological reinforcements become associated with emotion, cognition, and psychological states. The young child may experience solitary masturbation as arousing or soothing; parental reactions to sexual behavior as validating, repressive, or punitive; abusive experiences as confusing, physically or psychologically comforting, uncomfortable painful, or emotionally traumatic.
4. Early interactions with peers are developmentally expected, but will be experienced in the context of the associations each of the children bring with them (i.e., memories, perceptions and beliefs) and in turn, contribute to future thoughts and feelings. Forethought (fantasies) soon becomes a source of stimulation, reinforcing the contextual variables of memory.
5. Ryan concludes, Educators and care givers can be trained to recognize, evaluate and respond to the sexual behavior and interpersonal functioning they observe among children in order 1) to validate or correct what children are learning and practicing, 2) to protect children from being victimized by other children, and 3) to hold children personally responsible for abusive behaviors.
IV. Normal sexual interests and behaviors
A. Pre-school (up to age four)
1. Limited peer contact, self-exploration and stimulation (bending over, looking into mirror.)
2. Touches/rubs own genitals randomly
3. Watches others, pokes others out of curiosity
4. Shows genitals
5. Interested in bathroom functions
6. Dirty language without realizing context
7. Plays house, mommy/daddy, doctor, imitating behavior
8. May insert objects, stops with pain or correction from parent
9. Interest in elimination, girls may attempt to urinate like boys
B. Young school age (five to seven)
1. Increased peer contact, non-coercive experimental interactions
2. Watches others but asks to touch
3. Wants privacy when using bathroom or changing clothes
4. Touches self for specific enjoyment, possibly to orgasm without compulsivity or direction from older peers or adults
5. Repulsed by or drawn to the opposite sex
6. Tells dirty jokes, plays games of show, uses doctor as game to explore, not imitating real doctor
7. Big interest in passing gas (may last longer with boys...into adulthood?)
8. May play kissing or holding hands with opposite sex
C. Pre-adolescent (eight to twelve)
1. Increased peer contact, non-coercive experimental interactions cont.
2. Touches self, may touch others but stops when told to
3. Exhibitionistic behaviors, mooning, comparing penis size
4. With older pre-adolescents, there may be kissing, petting, dry humping, interest in erotic or pornographic pictures. Key factor here is that normal means with peers and without force or coercion.
V. Problematic sexual behaviors
A. Defined in Task Force Report on Juvenile Sexual Offending as, interfering in the childs normal developmental tasks; disturbing healthy relationships; impeding participation in activities; increasing a childs risk of victimization; or causing physical, psychological or emotional distress to the child.
Consent- When a partner agrees with an action. This partner must understand the proposed action without being tricked or confused. Partner must know the standard for the behavior in the culture, family and peer group. Partner must also be aware of the potential consequences for self and others, as well as alternatives to the behavior. Partner must also be assured that a decision to agree or not participate will be respected and must be mentally competent. Does not apply to children with significant age difference or with adult/child consent.
Coercion- Using tricks, bribes, force, threats, or intimidation to get someone to go along with what you want them to do. Coercion is the tool to get someone to comply or cooperate.
Compliance- When victims simply go along without actively resisting even though they may think it is wrong and dont want to participate.
Cooperation- When a victim participates and doesnt know or understand the consequences or meaning of the activity. Particularly true where age or mental status prevents the person from making a decision about the behavior.
BEHAVIORS TO BE CONCERNED ABOUT:
The younger the child, the more persistent the behavior in spite of adult correction, the more distress of the peers in relationship to the actor, the more likely some professional intervention may be needed.
1. Preoccupation with sexual themes, especially aggressive ones
2. Pulling up others skirts, shirt or pants down
3. Sexually explicit or precocious conversations with peers
4. Sexual graffiti, especially chronic or impacting on individuals (such as writing fuck vs. Janie fucks her dog)
5. Sexual teasing, embarrassing others
6. Single occurrences of peeping/exposing/obscenities, pornographic interest, frottage
7. Preoccupation with masturbation, mutual or group masturbation
8. Simulating foreplay with dolls or peers with clothing on
D. Abusive or red flag behaviors in children- While the actual behavior is important to note, imbalances in the relationship is also critical to move a behavior from a yellow to a red flag one. Some relationship factors include:
1. Size, strength and age differential
2. Power or authority differential, such as someone in safety patrol using his authority, or being in a babysitter role
3. Lack of equality and consent, particularly where the other is less sophisticated or knowledgeable
4. Presence of coercive threats, violence or aggression
5. Power of popularity (If you dont go along, I wont be your friend)
6. Arbitrary labels like leader or boss
7. Fantasy roles in play such as king/slave, doctor/patient
The red flag behaviors include:
1. Sexually explicit conversations with significant age differences
2. Touching the genitals of others
3. Degrading self or others with sexual themes
4. Forcing exposures of others genitals
5. Sexually explicit proposals/threats (verbal or written notes)
6. Repeated or chronic peeping/obscenities/pornographic interests or frottage
7. Compulsive masturbation/task interruption to masturbate (leaving an activity to masturbate)
8. Masturbation with penetration
9. Simulating intercourse with dolls, peers, animals
E. No questions about this behavior
1. Oral, vaginal, anal penetration of dolls, children, animals
2. Forced touching of others genitals
3. Simulated intercourse with peers with clothing off
4. Any genital injury or bleeding not explained by accidental cause
Again, remember this is just an outline used in a 5 hour class with plenty of questions/answers. I hope I'm not opening up a hornet's nest with this but will be glad to respond to questions or comments.
Ken
, but I gotta wonder: 
