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Hey KAL/Toad

Unless the parents or guardians are selling fresh meat.

Being drugged and limp just lets perps do things they wouldn't do if you were lucid.

Sometimes the parents don't give a shit. After my abduction, it looked like I was run over by a train. I had 6 broken ribs and my face looked like I kissed a truck going 80. I didn't stop bleeding from my ass for over two weeks. When I did go home my mother asked me what happened and I told her I was in a fight. She just called me stupid and then she told me to stay away from fights. that was the end of that. I would just stuff tissues in my ass and always wear the one pair of underpants. I would throw a clean pair into the wash. When I had stopped bleeding I flushed them down the toilet. When I further got a little blood on my underpants she asked me why and I told her I had an itch and scratched it too much so she yelled at me for that. Some parents sell their kids. Toddlers and babies. If I would go to my father he would tell me to go to my mother.
 
Hey Kal

You went so far you have to try and finish it. It will hurt but afterward, you'll feel better that you did. Unless you're afraid of repercussions. That is one reason I will never come out with names.
 
Hey Kal

You went so far you have to try and finish it. It will hurt but afterward, you'll feel better that you did. Unless you're afraid of repercussions. That is one reason I will never come out with names.
pls explain
 
Hey Kal

I meant to say that you went so far as connecting up with the NCMEC that you shouldn't give that up once you tried. If It's a problem with ruffling people's feathers that might get you in trouble that might be a reason not to continue. That's why I don't start up because I don't know who has a long memory and who I belonged to.
 
You sound very determined. all the luck to you.
 
You sound very determined. all the luck to you.
It is time for my perp-father to take responsibility for his actions against a multitude of victims.
 
Hey Kal

Thanks for going through with it. I wish I could.
 
Hey Kal

Thanks for going through with it. I wish I could.
do what you can, when you can. There is no right or wrong, just different Journeys!
 
Hey Kal

Well, I don't think it will be in my lifetime. I remember too many names of people I worked for and I have a family now
 
Hey Max

Who are you asking? Big crowd here.
 
That's cool :)
 
So like many I have often been disturbed by the fact that there are pictures and videos of me out there somewhere.
It makes the abuse feel ongoing.

A while back I read a newspaper article that said that when the police and the FBI find abuse images they send them to the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children.
And they will send a notice every time they find your images online or in an arrest. I think I would feel better knowing for sure if my images are being used.

This started me on a quixotic quest over the last few months.

They have millions of images. And they have teams of experts and computer facial recognition to figure out who is in the images. So they can help the victim and arrest the perps.
You would think that they would have a way to submit your name and pictures of when you were a boy so they can match them with the millions images they already have.They do not.

I have tried to contact them from their website in the past and never heard much back.

So I looked up the article I had read and found the contact information for the reporter on the newspapers website.
So I emailed him and thanked him for the article and asked if he knew if there was a way to be included in their image search.

He emailed me back right away. And said that he didn't but he had the contact information for the Vice President of the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children.
So I emailed the V.P. and said that ...(the national reporter) gave me his contact information. He responded the next day.
Here is what he wrote regarding the images:

"Honestly, I think it’s very unlikely that they are in circulation online. I say that given the period in time it was created (80's) and the quality of images/videos today vs back then. Most of the material created in that era is not being seen/traded online today."

But he said to be certain I should send them some images of myself around the time of the abuse and they would check. So I immediately sent them. He sent them to the Director of Case Services and they scheduled a phone call with me to review everything for two weeks later.
So the Director of Case Services and the person over finding who is in the pictures called me. They interviewed me for about 30 minutes. Asking me to relate everything I remember about the images. They were very reassuring, and also wanted to know about therapy and what has helped because they were responsible for setting up programs for the victims.

But.......they wouldn't tell me what they found in their search. They said they are required to relay the information through a Sexual Crimes Detective or someone in person who has training to deal with this sort of thing. And they needed my permission to find someone in my area and to share what if anything they found with them so that they could meet with me to decide on my options. I am still waiting to find out the results. It has taken a huge toll on me emotionally.

After I see how it turns out for me I am going to ask them if there is an email or way that others who have been abused can get included in their database if they want.
You shouldn't have to get a big time reporter involved to get included.

I will everyone updated as soon as I find anything out.

Toad
Hi Toad, I feel for you... I understand where you are coming from. It's a huge toll constantly for me as well. My abuse is never ending knowing that there are disgusting pictures of me from 7-10 years old naked, performing despicable sexual acts on my abuser and others involved out there. And other images of him doing horrible things to me. I really don't know what became of them when my abuser was alive and even after be died. It would at the very least comfort me to know there status. Hopefully they were destroyed but I may never know, I understand that it's unrealistic to believe that I have a shot at finding out but I appreciate you suffering through the process for all of us to try at least. If we can handle that battle. Mine were all Polaroids from the early to late 70's... Which is no comfort to me. If they still exist they could have easily ended up scanned, posted god knows where and viewed by other horrible monsters that get off on child sexual abuse. But I think I have to at least try and figure it out so I can hopefully close that extremely painful door as much as I can. I wish you all the best in your recovery.
Take care
Mike
 
I also appreciate Toad sharing his journey. It takes a lot of balls and determination to go through all that
Thanks.


I am a believer in snuff films also. I am sure that I was in one where an 8-year-old boy was murdered. Either purposefully or by accident but he died and I'm sure there would be people who would want to buy that film today.

I don't believe when the police departments, FBI or whoever says that they don't exist.


I didn't want to bring this up as I didn't want to trigger you.
Recently we were posting about Finland and if their being more open about nudity in society would lead to more or less abuse.
I tried to find statistics on abuse in Finland but didn't find much in English. But did run across and article about a pornography ring.

Trigger-
A boy dies on one of the films they found when they arrested them. It appeared that they didn't make it but was in the porn they traded for.

 
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Hey Toad

Yeah, I remember the drugs and not being able to do anything while I was raped. I had booze poured in my rear to be drunk when it came out. Had beer shot into my rear and then shot out of my rear for someone to drink on the fly. Had bags of Hershey's Kisses shoved up my rear left to melt and then licked up by party-goers as it came out after it melted. I remember that boy very vividly and me praying that they would stop beating him. I remember party-goers tying my hands up behind my back and the same with a second child. Then tieing my right ankle to his left ankle and the same with my left ankle to his right ankle. Then tieing my genitals to the other kid's genitals. There were 3 other pairs of children tied up the same way. Then the party-goers would bet who would win the race by being able to crawl to the opposite wall. I was 10 when I was taken to my first party. I remember the blood around our genitals and finally being in one of those races hearing a child's blood-curdling scream as someone yelled that the "kid's bag was ripped open". No problem, there were enough doctors and other professionals at that party to fix the kid up as good as new. I saw this as a preteen. I participated as a preteen. How far away is this shit from just killing the child. All of it on film which is today most probably on someone's computer.

This sick shit still goes on here in America. There is a book that came out called the "Mafia and the Gays". It takes place in the '60s and talks about the mafia having control of the NYC police department being corrupt and the mafia owning the gay bars and any type of skin business, especially child porn in the city. The book names names and talks about the mafia control of the skin business in NYC and Chicago. I grew up during this time. The book talks about the streets where we as kids would hang out. No school for the runaways just all day or night or both full of sex. Even I was promoted in high school every year even though my grades were never good and I'm sure they were doctored. I was in school less than half the amount of days required by law. How did that happen? For the money, there will be someone to make shit like this happen.

I don't think that there is a problem with Finland's social structure on nudity. I think that growing up in a society where nudity is not a "sin" and is an accepted fact that it exists is much better for kids and for adults. There was a huge outcry about Alicia Silverstone when she told of having baths with her 9-year-old son. If it was her 9-year-old daughter would that have been OK? My friend's naturist family was naked all the time and so was I when I was over there house or at their naturist beach club community. Yes, I remember one incident that happened at the beach club with me by some perv but when I was in the village or Manhattan in general as a kid I could not walk outside without someone hitting on me. Wanting to "come up to my apartment for a drink". Shit, I was 10 years old when that was first said to me. If someone grows up in an environment where nudity is OK then there are a lot fewer chances of being abused.

I used to sleep naked as a kid and my mother would always go ape shit on me for it. But she also made me let her give me baths until I was 12 because "I don't know how to clean myself yet". If I got an erection she would slap it down yelling at me for thinking dirty things. Right after every bath which happened at least 3 times a week if I stayed clean she would give me an enema. that was also to clean my dirty mind. I don't know how the enema was to clean my dirty mind or make me not have an erection. It was a "sin" for me to have an erection.

There are porn photos, videos, and snuff videos being made all over the world. There are bad people all over the world. The worst countries are Russia, Ukraine, Romania, and a few other places around there. But I've read a lot lately about India, Pakistan, and Saudia Arabia. It seems to be a problem with oil-rich Arab countries. But America is also a big producer of child porn.

One thing I'm happy about is that a police department finally and openly told about the existence of a snuff video. Why can't people admit that there are snuff movies and videos out there? Can a child be beaten mercilessly but not killed. What is the problem? We see kids being raped and killed. Was there a movie made along with that killing?

I'll stop here with this before it fucks me up.
 
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