Checking in
Been a while since I posted.
Currently almost 2 years since my last therapist session.
Maybe a year and a half. I’ve lost count.
Been a while either way.
I find myself moving on.
And when I say that I mean that I’m gradually getting over what I had told my therapist.
There’s months that go by where I don’t think about it.
Thens there’s weeks or days out of the blue I’m filled with misery.
Hatred and coldness run through me.
I shut off. From everyone.
It takes everything from me to be social.
Currently still in the same position I was since I’ve joined here.
Not much has changed.
Still running from passions and joys I have.
That’s my greatest challenge.
Finding out what I want for myself.
Relationships and a love life is very hard for me.
I was told before I stopped going to my therapist that group therapy or even a clinic for survivors would be beneficial.
Basically therapy felt the same each and every last visit.
I left with more anxiety than leaving it at the therapist place.
But anyhow. I’m currently on a job hunt looking for something I’d like.
But it’s very hard to move out of isolation and depression to finding a job.
Currently I’m working but part time basically.
I’m in need of change but comfortable where my life is heading.
And it’s not looking bright or negative. I’m just here.
Each day passes and I’m just the same man I was the day before.
Anger leaves and joy runs through me.
But it’s a constant change.
I’m never in one place mentally
Also on my darkest days i fall back on my same sex fixations and viewing porn.
That’s when I feel a lone.
Stranded.
But that’s just me checking in.
Working trying to live
Currently my only “escape” is the gym.
Excercise is a great stress reliever.
I have weeks where I’m good not having a drink.
To having a binger on the weekend.
Working slowly on becoming sober for good.
I’m very picky when I drink.
And I’m often peer pressured when I do drink.
Haven’t focused on any art or things that would benefit me.
Currently almost 2 years since my last therapist session.
Maybe a year and a half. I’ve lost count.
Been a while either way.
I find myself moving on.
And when I say that I mean that I’m gradually getting over what I had told my therapist.
There’s months that go by where I don’t think about it.
Thens there’s weeks or days out of the blue I’m filled with misery.
Hatred and coldness run through me.
I shut off. From everyone.
It takes everything from me to be social.
Currently still in the same position I was since I’ve joined here.
Not much has changed.
Still running from passions and joys I have.
That’s my greatest challenge.
Finding out what I want for myself.
Relationships and a love life is very hard for me.
I was told before I stopped going to my therapist that group therapy or even a clinic for survivors would be beneficial.
Basically therapy felt the same each and every last visit.
I left with more anxiety than leaving it at the therapist place.
But anyhow. I’m currently on a job hunt looking for something I’d like.
But it’s very hard to move out of isolation and depression to finding a job.
Currently I’m working but part time basically.
I’m in need of change but comfortable where my life is heading.
And it’s not looking bright or negative. I’m just here.
Each day passes and I’m just the same man I was the day before.
Anger leaves and joy runs through me.
But it’s a constant change.
I’m never in one place mentally
Also on my darkest days i fall back on my same sex fixations and viewing porn.
That’s when I feel a lone.
Stranded.
But that’s just me checking in.
Working trying to live
Currently my only “escape” is the gym.
Excercise is a great stress reliever.
I have weeks where I’m good not having a drink.
To having a binger on the weekend.
Working slowly on becoming sober for good.
I’m very picky when I drink.
And I’m often peer pressured when I do drink.
Haven’t focused on any art or things that would benefit me.
