CHECKING IN FOR THE FIRST TIME

CHECKING IN FOR THE FIRST TIME
J

Jonno

New Registrant
Hey, this site is amazing. I am a 30 year old gay male survivor and have been working on this stuff for roughly the last 3 years. What amazes me is that I totally repressed everything and even had a semblance of a fucked up relationship with my dad/perp. It is like I have entered into a whole new reality and left my family behind. I have had no familial support, just denial and in the case of my two sisters outright attack. Luckily I have a cool circle of friends, a good shrink, and no contact with my family. It has been really sad and really hard but what else is there to do.
 
Hi Jonno,

Welcome to the site, yes it is amazing and a great resource. My abuse happened in my family also and I have been more or less ostracised since I brought it up. That was pretty painful but I have made my own family with my partner and friends, which is a lot healthier than the one I was brought up in. It is really difficult to let go of them but as you say what else is there to do.

Rustam.
 
Thanks for your swift reply. I catually did not realize that people would be able to post replies and that there could be this forum! From reading other people's posting I see to that it is possible to chat somewhere -- later for that. This is going to a be a huge tool in remaining grounded. I find that it is so easy for me to slip into the fantastical thinking that I lived in for years, to sort of haze out. I am glad you have made a new family for yourself. Sometimes when I hang out with my buddies, or they come over for dinner I have this feeling that this is what I have always been looking for which makes me happy. I have to say, getting this far has been quite hellacious. I truly am lucky to be alive. New York is a good place to destroy yourself and an even better to place to rebuild. I miss my sisters and somehow feel that once they are more independant -- post uni or something -- they will come around. Thanks again -- J.
 
Hi, I am here for the first time. My perpetrators were numerous. Beginning with both of my parents until the courts took me away from them and put me in a Children's Home (orphange) were because of nightmares was moved much too soon to the older boys dorm. In the Children's Home I was a target as I was withdrawn, extremely shy, small in physical strength, and had no friends. I was raped 28 times in that awful place and no one did anything. When I finally told at the age of 17 still nothing was done but the attacks stoped. I feel so damaged and isolated. There is no kind of support in the small rural town that I now live in. My therapist told me about Mike Lew's book and Mike is the one that suggested I try to find a kind of support in here if I could bring myself to allow that. I am alone. I had a relationship 28 years ago, but have been unable and perhaps unwilling to try again. Now, it might be too late for me. I am going to Mike Lew's retreat in August here in PA. Maybe I won't be too afraid to speak to an actual person who knows how I feel. Thanks for your time.
Ric
 
Welcome, this is a great place to grow and heal.
The process to heal is long, but worth the effort.

Mark
 
Welcome Ric, sorry to hear that you have been through so much. Glad you found the site its a great place to feel less alone with this.

Rustam.
 
Mark & Rustam,
Thank you for your inclusive and kind words. Bear with me as I try to navigate this site and find my way. I am trepedatious and gaurded not to say the least. My instruction has been that I find men that "know" from whence I speak. I have supressed it all so long, that now talking about it makes me feel dirty again. I have always navigated my life feeling that people could see the damage done to me. Now, I can not see anything but damage and hence my out reach to a good therapt. In "dialectal behavioral therapy" doesn't that just scare the heck out of you? I am afraid and tentative, but willing to make this journey toward healing. I hope I have found such a site that may assist in allowing that to happen.
 
Ric,

Welcome to MaleSurvivor. I'm glad you found this place, though it is sad to know how much you have had to suffer in finding your way.

Please feel free to post as little or as much as you need to. There is not 'right' or 'wrong' way to recover here. We are all here to help and support each other.

As a gay man and a member of the Moderator team I find it particularly heartening when other men who have been abused finally find a spot, as I did, where they find others who understand. It was a wonderful feeling for me, just a few years ago. I hope that you will find that relief and healing here also.

If you have any questions or subjects for discussion or just want to say hi, please feel free to private message me or any of the Mod team.

We're glad you're here and I look forward to getting to know you better, on your own schedule and as it feels comfortable for you.

Welcome.

Regards,
 
Welcome,Ric. So sorry about everything that has happened to you, but always willing to listen. Talking helps so much. Glad you found us. Everyone here understands...and cares. Bobby
 
Danny & Bobby,
Thanks for the welcome. I am trying to learn to navigate the site and settle in. I hope I can get it all out. I want someone to hear my whole story. The SA the beatings the blood and adolescent violence. There is so much agony inside still. But thanks for extending a welcome.
Danny,
I may have to take you up on that offer for PM when I get confused about what to do and where to go from here. Thanks!

Ric
 
Ric,

Please do take me up on my offer. That is one of the reasons that I come here, to be of whatever assistance I may be to others like me.

The other related reason of course, is that I am a survivor of sexual abuse myself. And the word 'survivor' is very appropriate for me, because there were many, many times when I came close to losing my life as a result of suffering unassisted from the effects of the sexual abuse.

This is not easy stuff to do. I truly feel that we are the 'lucky' ones (some luck, huh?) because we have found our way here and have the chance to heal and recover.

So many of us simply suffer and disappear without ever knowing that there is help and that it is possible to recover from the effects of the abuse.

I'm glad that you are here, and will be honored to assist you in any way I can.

To my mind, helping a fellow survivor is the ultimate triumph over the abuse and the abusers. Much more satisfying than any fantasies of violence or revenge ever have been.

Thanks for coming here and posting. It is very important for you and also for the rest of us.

Regards,
 
I am 18 and have been raped 3 times by my first bf in '02 since then he has continsly stalked me and we have 'met up' mulitple times but instead of flowers he'd bring a pocket knife or a baseball bat or other shit. I found this place while researching a poem for school. I can't believe that i hadn't found this site earlier. The overwhelming support that i have just read through even in the last ten minutes is outstanding I was kicked out of my house earlier this month and am struggling to start new, but loving the chance i have. For the last 4 years, since i stumbled on a question, and came out, my parents and nor any of my two older sisters 25, 22 or brother 19 have had any talks over even 1 1/2 hour long that i can remember. but after 4 years of it you get really numb and use to the non-parental sympathy. like i can't come home crying anymore for anything they well say which has been the answer forever ''dry your eyes fa**** your the one who brought this on yourself so don't cry to us" even if it's something else they have said that. I'm just glad im 'here' and can talk about things i hold in my head-thanks for listening-P!nk
 
Welcome Junno, Lost in Pa, Hurtsoul3times and others!! I'm really glad you found the site and especially you posted here!! The stories of our lives are numerous but the hurt, pain, trauma, betrayal, etc. are very much similar!! You are among "brothers" here [I mean the good, safe, understanding, supportive kind]. LostinPa, I intend to be at the Mike Lew gathering in Pa. also. I participated in my first weekend last Aug.[2004] and found it very healing, strengthening and freeing. There were a lot of good guys there and some are on this site now. Hope you follow through with the weekend!! GUYS - if I can answer questions or support your journey, let me know!!

Howard
 
Pink,
Welcome and you are not lost now I hope. These guys do care and can help you heal if you let them. Do what you need to do to be safe, but know that what is forced on you is not why or who you are. Do you have a young persons support group in your area that might be a resource for you? I will keep you in my memory as often as I can that you find strength and healing. Keep telling your story. I wish you all that is good and safe. Take care.
Ric
 
Howard,
Hope you remember me and we meet in August. I have already paid my fees so I will definitely be there. I am scared but in a nice way that this will bring me support in a real (not cyber) way. Thanks for your comments. I am learning to grow.
Ric
 
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