check in time

check in time
B

bec

Registrant
hello men:

i wanna share some things. yesterday i sent an email to the nomsv board on my disappointment on the separation on this website between the member area and the nonmember area. i still feel bad about this new division. i am spoiled to the old format. we'll see what happens. also, i inquired about a sweat equity membership with nomsv since i am unemployed. i hope to hear from them soon.

i am on my way to run an errand/drive to the fruitstand and i can take a route that takes me past 2 porn shops. numerous times i have thought about stopping in and browsing. we have a real hangup with pornography. we think we are a sex addict. so, is it best to stop at a porn shop? of course not. at this point we do not know if we will or not. it has been months since we viewed porn and possibly longer since we masturbated to it.

wish me luck men. have to go. someone just sat down at the pc next to me and i do not feel comfy continuing. may our gods bless us all.

bec
 
Bec
I hope you had time to check out the thread started by Muldoon -"Wisdom drain at the public forum" which has some good discussion about the new site features.
Richard Gartner, the President, has posted with the reasons behind the change, mainly to ensure better security and increase income to run the organization.
But he also stresses that anyone who can't afford the fee will not be turned away.

I realise that joining an organisation like this that asks for your details etc is hard, we do have big issues with trust, and when it's a remote organization it's even harder.
But it's something we learn to do as survivors, and I know that whatever information they have will be kept safe.

Anyway, go get the fruit and walk past the porn shops with your head held high.
Every time you do it you'll feel stronger and the walk will get easier.

"You gotta walk and dont look back." ( who sang that ? )

Lloydy
 
Hi Bec:

Nothing to add to what Lloydy said and what I posted on the thread he mentioned. Just remember we are all male survivors, we are all Male Survivors! :cool:

Concerning the porn shops, it depends on your own personal boundaries and capabilities. If you can do it, and you can't avoid the shops any other way, consider taking a different route, even if necessary going to a different fruitstand. Or go there only with people you wouldn't stop at the porn shops with. Only you know how drastic the measures you need to take might be.

Take care Bec

Wuame
 
I struggled for a long time with porn shops, adult sex parlors, strip joints... and anywhere that I could find that related to any of this. 900 numbers, web site... etc.. In fact one month I spent so much money on this (like $1000) and it was money I did not have to spend. It even included being a witness to one of my nights in a massage parlor for a court case. Talk about embarrassment when you have to describe what went on.. and to hide it from everyone you know... not fun!

I began to battle it and I struggled with it and I kept trying... and seemed like I would never get anywhere. I would focus on not going to these places and tell myself a million times that I would not go, only to end up there that same day. It was strange too because the minute I went into these places, I was scared, I didn't make eye contact with anyone,, it was like I became a different person. When I was done, I would run from these places fearing that someone would follow me, and do bad things to me. I was always so scared when I went into these places.

Please know that I'm not making any judgements about porn, it was just that porn and these places were in control of my life.

What I started to do was to talk about it. At first that meant using online forums to share what was going on. In that time I had met another survivor male friend that I finally got the courage to confide in and I shared what was going on with me. I also finally got the courage up to read a post from an online forum to my therapist about it. Those acts helped me to begin addressing the problems. They helped me acknowledge it and begin to own them. They helped me to reach out to others for strength. I learned through these various people that they accepted me no matter what (even when I told them about this stuff and thought I was so dirty and ugly). That made a big differance to me.

Then I began to struggle to accept myself even through these times where I hated myself so bad and thought I was ugly, dirty, awful, terrible, bad, not likeable or not loveable... you name it, I thought it. But it took people telling me over and over, I was ok... and I was not all these things. The survivor friend of mine allowed me to call him every time something happened and I needed to talk. It helped because he kept telling me that I needed to accept myself, not judge myself.

I know I'm making a very long process for myself seem very simplified, but it was anything but simple. It did take time for me to start seeing a more clear picture of who I actually was, and not who my abusers made me out to be.

And then one day it all stopped as quickly as anything could have happened. I can't say exactly what happened to stop it but it just stopped. My desire went away for it and since that time which is over 3 years ago now, I haven't been back in a porn type place. I don't wish too right now. I have now been a 3 year relationship with someone that means so very much to me and I couldn't have done this if I wouldn't have traveled through the process of breaking free from porn that controlled me.

It is a process. And I feel it is a process of accepting one's self and realizing that the picture we are seeing of ourself with the dirtiness, ugliness...self hatred... those are things that belong to our abusers.. They are not ours..

Don
 
You can do it Bec. I got to the point where I knew all the porno "actresses" by name. Now I try not to even look at billboards for strip clubs. I actually try to look away. When I was trying to stop drinking 2 liters of Coke every day I decided I would try to go one year with out it. After I finished the year it was much easier to resist the urge. I think it gets much easier the longer you go without, not more difficult.
 
Yes, talking about it is the start - and the most effective way - of stopping our unwanted behaviours.

Once your secret is no longer a secret it loses it's strength and you gain some.

Dont beat yourself up over failures ever, but praise yourself for every victory, feel good about walking past.

Lloydy
 
Dear bec,

I hope you got the response I wrote you about the membership issues. I later wrote a longer version of that same letter and it is posted on the "wisdom drain" thread here on the Public Forum.

RIchard
 
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