Celebrating Surviving & Thriving

[i-m-Bri]

I just have to post this everywhere. Ha, I am suppose to be going for a run, but I'm writing...

Tonight I am going to my 40th high school reunion. I am taking two intents: Celebrate and Curiosity.

On the surface we’ll be celebrating the length of our lives. I will also be celebrating survival. Survival is so much more than getting through the abusive acts. Survival to me is carving out a life with the ramifications deep inside of you.

I am going tonight to see people I never got to know. Some from my kindergarten class maybe there tonight. They may even have seen my assault. As we got older our class merged with others and grew. The first day of high school was only a few weeks after I was molested. I walked into that strange school a shadow hiding in darkness. I could rarely bring myself to be seen, let alone make friends. At the end of the year I was raped. It catapulted my alienation to a new level. Tonight I hope to get to know some and hear their stories.

The trauma of my abuse doesn’t control me anymore. I can breathe and be. Tonight I am taking the man I know I am, curious, friendly and kind out to meet his classmates. My classmates.

 

[TJ jeff]

I wish you the best at your reunion

the last one I went to was my 20th - amazing how time had changed people - I actually had a good time

I too was a quiet guy who hid in the shadows - I was a bit surprised in some peoples comments of how they always remembered me as a nice guy (people who never even talked to me in school) - I did have a few friends and it was nice to reconnect with them

sure it was a bit weird in that a few of the guys who held me down in the shower room in middle school and took turns spanking me (after they seen the bruises left by my mom) where there - but even those guys somehow seemed to have changed with age - I surely wasn't scared of them anymore and they didn't seem as mean as they once where


I hope your reunion is a good one - you've got a lot to celebrate

 

[i-m-Bri]

TJ jeff,

My fear of being unwelcome diminished before we even checked in. A classmate saw me in line and came over. He remembered two stories about me, I long forgot. We talked so much, we stepped to the side to let others get in!

Sure there were awkward moments inside, not recognizing people who knew who I was. But it wasn't a crisis! Apologizes were accepted.

There were the guys who I never had any interaction with. Being calmer, I could see it wasn't a hostile act as much as just a situation. We weren't ignoring each other, we just had nothing to say (then and now).

I'm still processing, but I am so happy I went.

Thank you

 

[i-m-Bri]

Processing, but I have to relay:

Later on I was speaking with the same classmate I talked to at the door. He apparently noticed I disappeared a few months before graduation. He asked me what happened to me?

I can't tell you how good it felt to be asked, my god it felt good! And just as good is I calmly answered, briefly, factually without trying to hide or apologize.

His question was a amazing gift.

 

[traveler]

WOW !

that is HUGE!

to be noticed and missed and remembered is truly validation.

my only fear greater than being remembered by those who bullied me is being forgotten by them.

lee

 

[i-m-Bri]

(((Lee))
My biggest fear was that I wouldn't be welcomed.
Thankfully I am getting better at knowing when to trust my fears and when to steam over them.

 

[kcinohio]

Glad your reunion worked out well.

 

[LoneWolfX]

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