Cause(s) of sexual identity issues

Does the cause of human sexual identity matter as much as the realization that, whatever the cause, the person is a human being and, as such, deserves the same acceptance, love, dignity and respect as every other human being regardless of whatever label is used to describe that human being's "sexuality" or any other aspect of what it means to be human?

I was born male. However, I was not born to be what is described in American culture as "masculine" and that is and always was beyond my control, that is just who I am and there is nothing wrong with me.
I am more sensitive (in my experience) than most men
I am not athletic or interested in sports. I do enjoy swimming though....
I am not, by nature, aggressive. I am passive and I think sometimes too passive. But, if backed into a corner, I can either become aggressive or can fight for the strength and courage to stand up for myself.
I always have always felt like an outsider, as being excluded, especially an outsider to other male groups or cliques.

All of the above, I feel, are traits I was born with but all of the above should say nothing about my "sexuality" although people think it does - for example, as a retiree, I work per diem as a receptionist and have had sexist comments made that this job is for women. I just laugh - and this is just one example. My childhood is riddled with stories of being called fairy and sissy and other names because I was not athletic or aggressive. They were just plain mean kids and I thought the prospect of adulthood would put all of that behind me; I think adults just mask their true feelings but those feelings come out.

Sexuality, for me in simple terms, was/is depicted below:

Former self (prior to recall of childhood rape and sexual abuse)
Same sex desire suppressed
+ Opposite sex desire expressed
= Heterosexual lifestyle lived

Current self (after recall & integration of memories of being raped by a man at age 5 & used by my mother for her own sexual gratification for years)
Same sex desire suppressed
+ Opposite sex desire expressed
Heterosexual lifestyle lived

= Homosexual lifestyle Not lived (because I restrain myself due to my love for my wife and family)

The recalled memories of my mother using my brother and me for her own sexual gratification, in a sense, murdered my "heterosexuality” so to speak, thus leaving me with same sex desire as my only remaining sexuality – what caused same sex attraction in me or others I cannot say and don’t think it should be relevant as my experience has taught me that it cannot be changed – nor should I try to do so as the effort only leaves me feeling desperately guilty, ashamed, inadequate, isolated and inferior…

Being used by my mother for her own sexual gratification killed any heterosexuality within me and it is irretrievably dead - leaving me feeling dead inside as a person – but I am not dead. I am alive and I will fight to survive – and I will live and love and pray that my life can help others to live…. And I will bear witness to the truth of my experience even in the face of those who deny truth – which is, ironically, is what all 3 of the worst perpetrators of evil inflicted on a young innocent boy did – denied the truth of what they did. The only empathy or apology I can offer for these people (I feel such contempt for these perpetrators that I don’t feel they even deserve the title of being called “people” because what they did is inhuman) the only – truly the only empathy for such is that their unrepentance, their deeds and their denial will result/has resulted in their eternal condemnation – and as much pain as they have inflicted, their pain in eternity is unfathomable and self inflicted. So, when my mother died and when the other rapists of the small boy died, I was in one way happy, and my only sadness for myself was “now I will never have a mother (I never had one but apparently hoped she’d acknowledge and apologize for her deeds) and my prayer is only May God have mercy on their souls. That is my prayer – but my real life fantasy and desire was to kill each of them and – the scary part of that “fantasy” is that I would enjoy killing them –and that is when I knew I needed to begin to do my best to forgive them – to release myself from the prison of being tied to my hatred for and rage against these “people”.
 
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I was born male. However, I was not born to be what is described in American culture as "masculine" and that is and always was beyond my control, that is just who I am and there is nothing wrong with me.
I am more sensitive (in my experience) than most men
I am not athletic or interested in sports. I do enjoy swimming though....
I am not, by nature, aggressive. I am passive and I think sometimes too passive. But, if backed into a corner, I can either become aggressive or can fight for the strength and courage to stand up for myself.
I always have always felt like an outsider, as being excluded, especially an outsider to other male groups or cliques.

= Homosexual lifestyle Not lived (because I restrain myself due to my love for my wife and family)
Your description pretty much describes my experience. I have never liked sports, I'm passive, sensitive and I feel like an outsider (especially among men).
 

MACH123

Registrant
I'm not one of the men and most of my ? What IDK, stuff? Is from trying to be that. I'm not.

But I had to forgive myself and the therapist taught me and I learned how just a little, enough to survive I guess because I'm here.
 
Nature versus nurture, right? It is probably pretty safe to say that we come in many shapes and sizes with a wide range of behaviors deeply impacted by our experiences in life. Certainly children raised in violent and sexually provocative environments will be affected by the experience in myriad ways. We know that simply because we read the posts on this website. I'm of the opinion that it is impossible to make definitive statements about either sexual orientation or gender identity before we've come to terms with our traumatic past. It is too easy for the residue of trauma to shape our beliefs. As we do that it becomes easier for us to explore who we are in the present moment and then all bets are off. Where we land in terms of identity in all its facets is simply the adventure of our lives. How exciting to live no longer trapped in trauma... we let the past be the past while we celebrate being who we are right now. I vote for healing and for living in the present moment. Of course, healing is hard work and it isn't always easy to release the past. But that is what we're all doing here. I'm grateful for that fact.
 
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