marc,
listen carefully. i was there where you are, both as a child when i made my first attempt, and as an adult who had no perceived identity or hope. i do understand what you are going through. the final answer to our journey is that it is life lived, not life lost. our perps attempted to steal something from us that no one has a right to comprimise for self or an innocent...it is the right to life lived. that encompasses far more than mere existence, marc. it encompasses the choices we make every day, the journeys we share with those around us, the laughter, the tears, the triumphs, defeats, and so much more. it is about "life lived". there is pain, yes, but there is also joy at times. this would not be a release, marc. in the end, it would result in far greater pain and isolation. i will state this in spiritual terms just as an ilustration of what i mean, not as an arbitrary judgment. each of us are really given one choice in this existence, marc, to share our life journey, or to turn away and become completely, irrrevocably isolated. with every breath, we continually choose. if the choice is to end our right to choose, it can never be changed. our perps forced us into hell (the abuse and its aftermath), we choose whether or not we want to stay there. there will never be any release if you give up your right to choose to live, marc, because your choice will be forever gone. it is not release, it is perpetual isolation. if for no other reason right now, you owe it to yourself to continue to choose to live in order to constantly renounce the evil that was done to you. you did not deserve to be treated as an animal or an object by these evil people, marc. if you try to find the false sense of release of giving up the right to live you give them the final victory. you are more than that...you are my friend, you are my brother. i need you to live, marc.
