Can shrinking penis be related to fight/flight/freeze response?

[beartown]

Hi guys,

I'm a survivor of extremely traumatic childhood and young adulthood, which left me with entire collection of psychological and physiological symptoms. I'm in my early thirties today.

I found little to no help in therapies so far, but I also educate myself through books. A few years ago I learned about C-PTSD and it looks like this is what I experience, which is typical for people who suffered too much at their young age.

Today, I'd like to ask a question which is about just one of my symptoms and is a bit embarrassing to me. So, it looks like I'm stuck in a fight/flight/freeze response almost 100% of the time. One of my physical symptoms is my penis shrinking without any clear reason. It behaves like if I were in a cold water, except there is no cold and no water I sometimes see it shrinking and going back to normal. I wouldn't call it a problem if it wasn't the case that it's shrunk almost all the time. My erections are fine, usually not rock hard, but "it works". But when it's flaccid, my member is sometimes REALLY tiny. In the past it didn't shrink as often. When it's not shrunk, it looks perfectly normal. It's normal maybe 5% of the time now, or even less.

When it shrinks, it sometimes looks kinda dead too, like there was no blood enough to make it live. My testicles are super tight almost all the time too. This is all really embarrassing, because having such a small "package" takes all my self-confidence away. Especially that I know it's not what my penis is, it's not its natural state. I also want to assure you that it's not my mind playing games with me.

So I wanted to ask you guys if any of you experienced something like that too and if there's any known link between trauma or general anxiety and shrinking.

Thank you all in advance.

 

[Photoman]

I was a late bloomer. It was very embarrassing growing up going to middle school gym class and having to shower with other boys that were maturing faster than I was. Of course, back then, the showers were open and side by side where everyone got a 'good' look at everyone else. There was always that pervert coach that wondered through the shower room every day as we filed in as a group. I always felt like they were really checking us out.

I'm also pretty small which is embarrassing. But as I got more mature, the erections got bigger but soon after, it went back to the small state. I didn't have much girth either. So I was what boys used to make fun and call us pencil dicks. It hurt to the core and there was nothing I could do about it.
I've often wondered if my CSA had anything to do with it. Maybe it stunted my growth process.

A few years back, my doctor found out I had a low T count (testosterone). It was so low I had to start taking big doses, by injections (in the butt). Two CC's every two weeks, forever! The needle is about 4" long and it does smart a little. Especially since I dropped 60 pounds and now I have such a little butt. It wasn't long after starting the injections that my wife told me I was growing with my erections. Both in length and girth! So much in fact, she said it hurts to have sex if it lasts very long. She has went through the 'change' and has little interest in sex but does make sure I'm satisfied so our sex life now consists of quickies. It also gave me more energy which was needed as I'm in my early 60's.

But my flaccid one is still small all tho some what bigger in girth. I'm a grower, not a shower I guess.

I have wondered if my abuse did have anything to do with my size. It effected everything else. Now you got me wondering...

Have you had you testosterone levels tested? If it's low, you might do like me and actually improve in size, girth, and blood flow. I know you're in your thirties, but you could still have a lot T count. I hope this might help you.

 

[beartown]

Hi Photoman, thank you for sharing your story. I hope you are doing good.

I need to have my testosterone checked indeed. Last time I checked, it was perfectly normal though. I feel like it's either fight/flight/freeze making my blood go somewhere else, or my diet. I eat too much sugar.

Seeing my penis in normal state makes me so relaxed. I experience lots of abuse because of my appearance as a kid, today I'm super sensitive with these stuff. I'm not asking for much, perfectly average penis will make me happy

Did you notice some other differences after having T injected? Did your face change, for example?

 

[NC-Survivor]

Low T - grower, not show-er. Shrinkage to the point where you can barely see it!

T supplement helps (just using the Gel). Was probably also "low T" for a long time.

 

[Photoman]

"Did you notice some other differences after having T injected? Did your face change, for example?"

Well, no face change but lots of hair growth except on my head! One bad thing tho, my testicles used to hang low, but they started shrinking and now are very small. I have one testicle trying to go back up where it came from and I have to keep pulling it back down. I talked to my doctor and he said the shrinkage was normal. But the very best benefit was my sex drive went through the roof!! That was the reason he tested my T, my low drive. There's always pro's and con's with everything I guess.

 

[beartown]

Well, no face change but lots of hair growth except on my head! One bad thing tho, my testicles used to hang low, but they started shrinking and now are very small. I have one testicle trying to go back up where it came from and I have to keep pulling it back down. I talked to my doctor and he said the shrinkage was normal. But the very best benefit was my sex drive went through the roof!! That was the reason he tested my T, my low drive. There's always pro's and con's with everything I guess.

I guess you're right. I wonder why my balls almost never hang low. My skin in general is rather tight and dry. My testicles are usually small too, but sometimes they get bigger. I really don't know what is causing that. Permanent stress, perhaps affects hormones a lot. I noticed that my flaccid penis looks best when I am relaxed, usually after a good and worry-less nap.

 

[TJ jeff]

Beartown,

I had to answer your post

Shrinkage is a problem that I have been to numerous doctors and urologists to try to figure out - finally gave up on trying to figure it out last year - T numbers are perfectly normal

Yes, I was a perfectly average sized guy just 10 years ago but then I noticed that things started shrinking - a few years back it got to the point where my "outy" was now an "inny" which is a humiliating thing when it's your penis and not your bellybutton - even the specialists could not come up with any good reason for my shrinkage - yes, my testicles have also shrunken in size and are much tighter to my body (even going up inside me - luckily they do come back out if I pull my sac to stretch it out)

 

[beartown]

TJ Jeff, thank you for sharing. It probably won’t sound right, but I’m happy I’m not the only one. I tried to tell that to several psychologists and they always respond that it’s all in my head and I just "think" it’s smaller when I feel bad. That’s obviously not true and ignorant to the point of making me mad. I know my member and I also know how it fits it my hand or underwear. It’s not just about "seeing" it.

May I ask, do you observe any fluctuation of this state? Does it get any better sometimes? Even if that means once a year or so. Also, does shaking your thing help? When my penis gets really small (as close to the belly as possible), shaking it makes it instantly bigger in my case. Not normal, but not as bad as before. It’s like the blood doesn’t want to go there sometimes.

 

[TJ jeff]

I've got to admit that I first thought about responding in PM - but then I thought... dang, that's a brave thing to post and talk about openly on here - and I do wonder if it is possible that my body is somehow reacting to the abuse all of these years later - as I said... even the urologist specialists I've seen have no real answers (1 told me that it was body fat that is causing it to appear shrunk - reality is... I have not gained any real weight to speak of in the past 30 years - and even if I were to push on the pubic fat mound of a 5 year old it would make their penis stick out further)

I guess I'm "lucky" in the fact that I have a wife who can attest to the fact that the changes are real and not in my head

fluctuation of the shrinkage state seems more to have to do with heat and activity and what's in my mind at the time - sure I can get it to come out of hiding if I'm messing with it - otherwise it's totaly hiding if I'm not messing with it or thinking sexual thoughts - even in 100 degree heat it will go into hiding - certainly not just cold shrinkage

I probably should have admitted that in the past few years thing have basically totally died down there - it takes Sildenafil (generic Viagra) to get it to an erection nowadays and the erection is about the same size as normal (other than for the weird fact that I seem to have rock hard erections in my sleep) - it seems like I have no control over it at all anymore

 

[beartown]

TJ Jeff, if you ask me, your hard erections when you’re sleeping must be a proof your case is purely psychological. If that was a fatty tissue or any sort of blood blockage, it wouldn’t change when you sleep. That’s very good news, I’m sure it’s all healthy down there

I was abused by many people in my life and it seems like people trigger me into fight/flight/freeze in general. I now live in the city center of a large city, so I deal with people a whole lot. I wonder if that makes me stay in that mode. When I’m in nature for longer times, alone, my anxiety changes tremendously. It then feels as if the life energy is back. But it goes away when I’m with people again or just start worrying.

 

[Photoman]

This is the honest conversations I've been looking for in my life. A forum we can be open about our problems or concerns and not feel embarrassed or ashamed. Thanks guys, I needed this.

 

[TJ jeff]

Beartown,

I know that I have been under a crazy amount of stress for many many years - I'm sure that probably has had an effect on numerous things in my physical body - but even when I was last on vacation and truly relaxed I did not regain any control over erections - and even the 2 urologist specialists I've seen don't seem to think that it's psychological - they do think it's physical - it's just something neither of them have ever seen before

My comment on the fatty tissue was just because it really ticked me off that the one urologist did not want to take the problem seriously so he just simply pushed on the area right above the penis which made it appear a slight bit longer (maybe 1/2") and then told me that the "shrinkage" was just due to fat (when I know full well that there has been no change in "fat" in that area in over 30 years) - reality is that there is not a single male alive that you could not push on that area and make the penis look a bit longer - every single male has a slight bit of "tissue" in that area that could be pushed back to make the penis appear longer - I am certainly NOT fat - and even if I were - it is certainly not over 2" worth

 

[wvsurvivor]

I have a little one too. Most I can get out if it is about 5 inches and that is when I am thin and I haven't been thin for years. It is also fairly thin. Mine like to retreat but it is because of the fat pad above it it has to fight its way through. Grade school was fine but high school sucked as all the other guys were growing into theirs but mine stayed the same. Luckily around 18 I had a little growth spurt down stairs and I gained a couple inches. Locker room was hell on earth. Always been able to get it up but there was a time in my early 30's when I tried to find a woman to marry where it just would not rise up when I needed it to. Worked with a female sex therapist who brought him to life but still the size got me nowhere. Heard a lot of I could never be satisfied with that.

Always liked women but so many of them have laughed and that helps drive me to sex with men. I hit the bath house and I always get laid but I hear things like holding your penis while I am inside reminds me of doing a little boy and if I close my eyes I believe you are him. Not many men want you to screw them either and only recently did I top for the first time.

I was having orgasms at 10 when I was raped and I started to orgasm from anal sex. By 12 the boys and men using me were laughing from me having a orgasm and calling me sissy and little fag boy. Also heard you will never satisfy a woman and my place in life is on my back legs in the air. Growing up and having men in my back side I often wonder if that has something to do with my penis never really growing. Or is it just bad genetics. I do remember only drinking from plastic cups growing up, mom was afraid I would break a glass one. That could be something right there as well l as it went from glass bottles to plastic then too.

I sure would like to have one that hangs below my balls but I am not embarrassed to be naked in a gay establishment or even where women are. Hell I would be happy to have one that is big enough I don't pee on my own balls all the time. Just happy I still wake up to a erection every morning.

 

[A Skeptical Optimist]

I would love to pick the brain of a survivor who is a doctor or nurse - I had two semesters of anatomy (years ago), so I can only vaguely guess about some of our issues.

I'm 43, and my balls seldom hang loose. Even in hot and humid weather, the moment I start moving or exert myself in any way, they get tight. It used to bother me, made me wonder why I was different.

**TW, maybe**

For me, I believe it's related to the pre-cum leaking issue I (and a lot us survivors) have during flashbacks or really intense therapy sessions.

My (entirely uneducated) hypothesis is that I subconsciously contract my PC muscles, thus the leakage and my balls getting drawn up.

My late wife remarked - and my girlfriend as well - on how much pre-cum I produce during sex.

Strangely enough, my underwear could get soaked from it just from me being horny, but not have an erection.

Like, I would be daydreaming about my girlfriend, get horny but not hard. Yet my shorts would be soaked by the time I got home.

I wonder if it's a way we've learned to protect ourselves, not unlike an abuse victim flinching when someone startles them.

 

[Photoman]

Wow, You have reminded me of a new thing with myself having the pre-cum with erections, but not leakage being soft very often. I never had this problem before my testosterone injections. But I have had leakage while soft at times now too. Wow, we're complicated beings....

 

[NC-Survivor]

my balls seldom hang loose

mine are constantly changing along with the penis - tiny and shriveled up or hanging very loose (which is why I like underwear a bit tight, keeps them in place so I am not sitting on them or pinching them at work)

from what I understand - constant changing during the day of the gonads is normal. More permanent changes as we age is normal. dropping T-levels as we age is normal (and can be fixed by meds, Androgel, etc.)

 

[A Skeptical Optimist]

I have a little one too. Most I can get out if it is about 5 inches and that is when I am thin and I haven't been thin for years.

Five inches is well within "normal" range, though, despite what we've always heard.

Man, I can't believe I'm about to reveal this:

growing up, especially when I hit puberty, I really became self-conscious about the size of my penis. Wow, shocking, I know.

It's not that I did any comparing with any other boys; I just knew from overhearing shitty people talk that having a small penis is supposed to be shameful. I felt shameful all the time anyway, so Q.E.D. I have a small penis.

I've lost a good bit of weight the last few years, and one day I was taking pictures of my erection to send to my girlfriend, and realized for the first time it's actually not small.

I was lying on back with my legs spread, taking a POV shot, and was a bit shocked to realize I'm "normal".

Some of it is the weight loss, I'm sure. I suspect some of it is because I'm no longer on antidepressants (I was on them for nearly 15 years) so my erections are stronger.

But I wonder if it was my perception of myself that changed? My penis didn't change, maybe I changed?

EDIT: removed dumb bullshit

 

[beartown]

I'm 5 inches too, average girth. I've had a circumcision surgery when I was 25 (in Europe, circumcision is not very common), because I had it all trapped down there. I used to leak and it didn't smell too well. After the surgery, I lost a bit of feeling in my penis, but it was worth it.

I noticed that my penis grows when I'm in a warm bed, as relaxed as possible. But it shrinks very easily.

It takes away my confidence, because some of my somatic symptoms is bloating and that shrinking. I'd prefer having a bulky package and a small belly than the other way around But I still believe I will resolve these symptoms one day and everything will be alright.

 

[BelovedSon]

@A Skeptical Optimist "For me, I believe it's related to the pre-cum leaking issue I (and a lot us survivors) have during flashbacks or really intense therapy sessions."

So I was reading this string of posts totally respecting you guys for the willingness to share such difficult topics. Then I got to your comment about pre-cum during flashbacks or really intense therapy sessions. I was stunned because that has happened to me during several sessions and I have been perplexed and ashamed of it. I haven't even gotten erections during the session but I will slightly cum. How can that happen without an erection?

You mean I am not the only one who struggles with this?!?!? I have been ashamed because I thought there was some sexual thing going on which would freak me out because I fear that would ruin my counseling relationship. Anyway, thanks for posting that.

 

[NC-Survivor]

I haven't even gotten erections during the session but I will slightly cum. How can that happen without an erection?

You mean I am not the only one who struggles with this?!?!?

Cowpers Gland gets over stimulated. I wear a men's incontinence pad during sessions for that reason.