Can I take a poll or something?

[Brokenhearted]

Guys, I'm just having a stressful day today and crave your advice. Reading Selene's threads makes me so ready for my own husband to come out with all his "stuff," or at least his story. I've been waiting since Father's Day since he started telling me vague things like I deserve so much better, etc, and talked about how he is numb to me, and shut down our sex life completely from that day on.

Ok, HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE FOR THIS STUFF TO BUBBLE UP AND COME OUT OF HIM? Can I help it move along any??? Can you all give me some idea of how long it took for you survivors to get it bubbled up and out?

I had an HIV test today. I just felt like I needed to....don't even know why I waited this long to have one. I need advice, wine, or something, chocolate, YOU GUYS... My husband is out of town and we had small talk on the phone; I didn't even mention the test. I CAN'T STAND NOT TALKING ABOUT THE BIG WHITE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM!!!!!!!!!!

Somebody please tell me how much longer I have to wait for this to come to a head please!!!!!

 

[shadowkid]

till the pain is stronger than the shame

 

[TJ jeff]

BrokenHearted,

I am sorry things are rough in your relationship

I CAN'T STAND NOT TALKING ABOUT THE BIG WHITE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM!!!!!!!!!!

this is exactly what is eatin him up from the inside out - cept for him it's the shame/guilt/fears of what was done to him in the past that is the big white elephant

No one can say when he will open up to you - just continue to let him know that you are there for him - he'll open up when he is able...

Sorry I can't give you better answers - heck, I myself am struggling to slowly tell my girlfriend bit by bit slowly over time what happened in my past...

TJ jeff

 

[sis]

BH,
shadowkid said it all! "Till the pain is stronger than the shame." We survivors, i being a female survivor, have endured years of pain. My entire life had been filled with pain and I really didn't know there was any difference. But the reality is the pain had to get stronger and hurt deaper than the shame. It took me a long time to finally face what csa had done to me and my family and to seek help. 41 yrs to be exact. I hope you don't have to wait that long. one advantage is he has you. i did it alone. maybe it won't take that long. light and luv, sis