Can I please not be a "man"?

Can I please not be a "man"?
G

Grunty1967b

Registrant
I just read something that set me off it said that we all grow up to become men.

My reaction to that is no way, not me! I dont want that to happen. Physically thats probably already happened as Im 37. Part of me feels that if I can put that off, or deny it, then somehow I can magically be a young boy again with that innocence and that if I dont become a man then adult feelings, memories and emotions from my abuse wont be by my side.

Does that sound silly not wanting to me a man? What am I afraid of? It wasnt a grown up man that abused me but somebody a few years older than me. Yet I cringe at the thought of being called a man. If I had my way, all things masculine would be a preferred no thanks option. Im not saying I wish I were a girl, Im ok at being male; its just the young male verus man thing.

Tell me if Im making no sense at all.

Heres my parting thought also; I feel guilty that Im actually wanting to (and am) posting here in this forum and thats its achieving nothing other than wasting my time at the keyboard and also wasting other peoples time reading my posts and saying to themselves, next post maybe the next one will actually say something real and be of benefit, because this Grunty guy has no idea what this is all about!
 
Who says you got to grow up to be mean and nasty anyway. There is room for guys like you and me.
 
I see nothing wrong with being young at heart. We can create our own definitions of what it is to be a man. I prefer: Kind, loving, caring, compassionate, even handed, fun, funny. I tend to my adult responsibilities but feel much younger than my 43 years. I'll thank my nine year old daughter for helping me 're-live' some of my youth, or some of the youth I missed out on.

Are you really acheiving nothing by being here? I just got to start my day with a smile thanks to your post and the thoughts it provoked. So thank you, you too have now acheived something today, making someone feel better that he already did! Peace - John
 
Guys I may be 64 but between my ears I am still a young kid sort of 15-16. My wife is forever telling me to grow up but I have an answer for that. She chose to be an adult and you only need one in the family and it is already taken.

I may be a pain in the ass some days but I can live with that. I really enjoy doing young guy stuff. I work out. I mountainbike and I inline sktate with no protection whatsoever. That last one is dumb but there you are.

Grunty you are not wasting anyone's time. Ah 1967 was the year I married my Nicole.
 
There's nothing wrong with you, Grunty. I felt exactly like that for so long, and it still bothers me sometimes. I remember looking in the mirror and trying to say the word, "man". And I couldn't. Everything bad in my world for so long had to do with men. If you can believe it, I remember praying as a boy that I would do anything for God if he'd just keep my voice from changing. That's so sad to think about now. I hated the thought of growing into and turning into THAT. I hated my body. I cut it and starved it. All because my father was an unpredictable, selfish, violent man, and my uncle pretended to be my friend and then SA me. My mother acted like my dad was stupid, so I came to believe that men were looked down upon and ignorant. What's a boy to think? It's like we were doomed with this thing that wwould make us one of them. The truth is we'll never, ever be like them.

The best thing I ever did was find a male therapist. I didn't want to, but he was the only one who seemed to understand, and his specialty was dissociative disorders. Over the years I gradually accepted that he was a man, and he wasn't like them. I came to accept that I had good qualities, and I could be as emotional and loving and caring as I want and still be a man. If you read my posts, though, I use the word "guy" way more than the word "man". I still cringe at the word, but just being at this site and hearing real men tell their stories and seeing how much they care about one another proves to me that I was judging 50% of the population based on a few horrible people.

There are good men out there, and I think you're one of them. It's not a curse to have a body part and be an adult. I'm 36 (for a few more days). Slowly through therapy I grew through my teens and have started to accept myself and who I will be.

Your posts show me I'm not alone. Other men feel like this. That makes me feel better. Thanks.
 
masculine-feminine; black-white, gay-straight, adult-child, victim-survivor, labels, labels, labels. i did away with labels along time ago. so many joys in life are missed because of labels. i am all of the above !! :D
 
I Ditto wanderer....So Long as you don"t hurt anyone else or yourself in the process. Be what you want. Be it all or Be none but you make the rules. You Know what an Impression you have made on me. So If you want to Live the lIfe that was taken away from you go for it.

You are never wasting My Time, ever. Trust me I know-I have had the same thoughts aka read my rants from the past few days , LOL. I care about you no Matter what you choose for yourself. We need to start taking back the control, if there is such a thing, of our own lives. And the only rule to follow Is Do No Harm and the rest is a free for all. Enjoy. My New Old Friend.
 
Grunty,

You'll forgive me for a little bit of profanity here. I grew up with the idea that a man had to be a "John Wayne" type. A man who didn't hurt, didn't cry, was always tough, was strong, smart, capable, heroic, didn't cry, and didn't take no shit from anyone.

I learned years later that alla that is bullshit.

What IS being a man? Being a man to me, for lack of a better definition, is knowing when its time to be a warrior and a time to be a healer. A person who can talk a good game, yet be a compassionate listener. A being who feels fear yet does what needs to be done. A person who can be tough when necessary, but also cries when he needs to.

In short, a man is a person of character. No more nor less.

Being a "man" isn't being tough or strong. It can be that on occasions, but its the person who knows when each is needed, and when they're NOT needed. A man is a person who learns and grows, but doesn't stick to some kinda dumbass "rule" written by other dumbasses for the sake of being measured by them.

YOU are a man. A quality one. One I'm proud to know. Screw ANYTHING else that tells you what you know in your heart isn't true. Their opinion no longer matters.

Peace and love,

Scot
 
My abusers used to say that to me when I was young....
"Be a man, suck it up"

SOmetime I think I have too much self-pity, therapy feels like selfpity. I dont want to be pitied, I want to be happy.

Needless to say my surviving perps always say I am week for needing meds. I am week because there abuse affects me so much. All I have to say to them is F**k you.

One of my abusers was a victim of the same as a child, not to the extent I experienced, but he said" I never needed any of the drugs or therapy, I just took it like a man and delt with it"

Well I must be weak then because I cant deal with it. What the hell is a "man" anyway?
 
Well, here's denial is ever I've seen it!

Unless I've misunderstood your quote as per below:

=====================
One of my abusers was a victim of the same as a child, not to the extent I experienced, but he said" I never needed any of the drugs or therapy, I just took it like a man and delt with it"
=====================

Well, Bin, if you have medication at present then that's fine. My goodness, what's the alternative? becoming another abuser? If that's "sucking it up" then then I'm going to EXHALE as fast as I can!

You hang in there, and ignore morons like this!
 
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