can i be loved?

can i be loved?
M

markgreyblue

Registrant
i kind of feel like i will never be loved -

i have no family - i have a few friends -

the primary ingredient for me would be a significant other to build a life with

i feel so pathetic and worthless -

it's not that all i desire is to be loved -
i just can't seem to bond

and when i do - i am abused all over again - in the cycle that i was taught -

what the hell... what's the use - i don't even know what that means anyway -
 
Mark - While I can't say "I love you' because I don't know you, I can say that I have love for you because I know what you're feeling and because we share simliar, painful pasts.

It sounds cliche', but we need to learn to love ourselves before we can properly love another.

Of course you can be loved and are worthy of love. Every soul is. Start with yourself, people will see and feel the difference but none more than you.

I wish you peace and love, I hope we all find what we need and deserve.
 
mark,
for as long as i can remember i have unconsciously struggled with that very question. it is not only the ugliness of what was sone to me as a child that has driven this feeling of unlovableness, it is also something deeper that stretches back to my being 3-4 years old and has been reinforced through some verious serious mistakes i feel that i have made throughout my life. this is what i ws refering to in my post about it hurting. for me it is about being on the road to redemption as well as recovery because when i was three or four something happened that resulted in someone else's death and after that i have had choices where other innocents have been grieviously hurt. this is something very painful for me and i say this only to highlight what i will say next. i still cannot answer to my satisfaction the question you have posed about my own worth of being loved because of what i am going through right now, but lady theo does love me, against all odds. i feel as though i am responsible for the result that happened when i was three or four years old, not to mention the death of another in my adolescence and the profound almost deadly abuse suffered by my innocent cousins for ten years because of my inaction. i carry this guilt along with other incidents and feel so unworthy...but lady theo sees something in me that i do not. she feels i am worthy. to answer your question, mark, yes, you are worthy. we are worthy not for what we see in ourselves, but for what others see in us because we can't see it in ourselves.

one last thing, my friend. it is so very dificult to see anything within ourselves that is worthy when the only mirror we have are those that are distorted. i say this from experience because in my former marriage she was unable to see and respond to what was within me that ws good because of her own pain clouding her vision. it is the blind leading the blind. if those we hang out with are in as much painas we are with no recourse to see beyond their own pain (or their own stupidity, as the case may be) then nothing positive would be reflected back and the only thing that would be reinforced would be the negative images we have of ourselves. people in pain can be a positive reflection of the good we have within when they are able to keep striving to see through the fog of their own pain, such as the support found here. but if the one's we share our journey with are not able to see beyond their own pain then the only message we hear is the one we have told ourselves all of our lives. if you stayed with your family only, then the message you will constantly hear is a negative one. if you find someone who is not part of that negative dynamic then the message you will hear and see reflected in their eyes will be one of hope and worth.
 
thanks theo - you are so generous and wise -
what a lovely man you are - beautiful words of guidance which really move me -

you are right - about being around those who do not value me - raging against myself - likewise has no point to it either - it would only prevent me from taking care of the freedom - i have earned for myself - that was so hard won -

thank you theo and sinking

blessings and smiles -

mark
 
Mark,

I can't add to what Theo and Sinking have said.

To love ourselves is, perhaps, the hardest thing because we are our own worst critics. We fail to see what others see, that we are worthy beings capable of love and being loved. We love, of course, through simple compassion for others and wishing to give of ourselves. But love comes at a cost. Total trust, total intimacy, total sharing. We know the cost of trusting someone that much.

I may not be ready to be so open with people (I follow Steve Austin's motto - D.T.A. (Don't Trust ANYBODY) - to the letter), but I'm beginning to see the day when I can. The meantime can be so frustrating because we want to share so much, we can jump into something when we're not ready, or worse, jump into something that can hurt us more.

You, my friend, my brother, are at that point. And it's when you must be the most careful. You are worth SO much more than "right now." You, my friend, are beautiful and should be with people who make you FEEL as beautiful as you are.

The question you must ask is, "do I feel SAFE with this person?" That's a good indicator that they are right to be friends with. Everything else will follow.

Mark, I know and feel the lonliness you have. My problem is that I hurt someone because I didn't know, maybe still don't, what I want. Maybe this person will take me back if I admit it, who can say? But I'm willing to bet that if it doesn't happen, this wasn't the one. The one will come when the time is right.

The same is true for you, and when it does, man, it will all be worth it. Because this person will be so right for you that you will be happy beyond your wildest dreams.

Worth waiting for and working toward, isn't it?

Peace and love, Mark. And I DO love you, brother.

Scot
 
Markgreyblue -

when I first told friends that I had been abused, I told them that I was some sort of freak that could never really love or be loved.

I got a bollocking (telling off) because they couldn't believe that I thought they had thought so little of me.

Sometimes I think that we are loved when we don't know it, or find it difficult to accept that we are.

I still find the word 'love' frightening...see the post I made a few weeks back...'love - a word' (or something like that).

I can look in the mirror now and begin to like who is looking back at me...I think I am starting to love that person.

Love yourself Mark ....best wishes ...Rik
 
Mark listen to your brothers ok.

You have worth and do not ever forget that ok.

We built walls to protect ourselves from further pain and betrayal and to keep others out. Those same wall become our own prison that keeps us in and devoid of all the nice human contact.

Mark let the walls down a bit. Just a bit at a time. You have done it here amongst us and it works dont you see.

And another think we all do. We cannot seem to practice what we suggest to others. God why are we so determined not to let our own words help us.

You are among brothers here and trust in that.
 
Mark,

There have been some great words written above. Now that they have been written, I can write my words.

First and foremost, get to know yourself and love yourself. With that, friendships and love will be easy. The 'building' of you comes from within yourself. A significant other is icing on the cake, you are the cake. Gotta have that cake first.

Take care Commander,
Bill
 
I completely believe you are capable of being loved. I have a friend who is decent enough to believe that all people deserve love. I don't know I can believe that fully. But I do believe that it is true of all GOOD people. It is difficult to believe it of ourselves when we are not feeling the actual love of ourself. Sometime, often, we should not at all listen to what others think, as it shouldn't matter. BUT, I think when we are going through the healing process, and are so up and down emotionally, and unsure of ourselves, we SHOULD listen to the positive input from decent and good people. That is what you find here. Please try to believe that until you are able to feel it is true of you.

Leosha
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top