Calling out a friend.

Call this a non-CSA-related victory. But it still kind of is. I stood up for myself.

For the sake of OPSEC, I am tweaking the story, so you still understand my point without disclosing too much that would violate OPSEC....

My best friend in the world is black - I am not. We were at an event recently where a lot his black friends were there, too. We are super-best-friends. We have been there for each other in many ways. He also knows my CSA story and is very accepting and understanding. We are more like brothers than anything else.

When he introduces me to his black friends, he only emphasizes our work relationship. He never focuses on the fact that I am his best friend. He never did it intentionally. He had done it before, too. In his mind, he thinks it is a healthy way to drum up business for me, but I find it very insulting. Like he is embarrassed by the fact that I am not black, so therefore his friends would not understand our relationship, so he focuses on the business side.

We meet for breakfast every week (for years). We met this morning. I called him out. I let him know how much it hurt me that he never introduces me as his Best friend, Good friend, or even "friend". Especially since we are more like BROTHERS! Moreso than any of his "friends" in that group!

He understood and never thought about it that way. He said he will try to do better.

It felt good to stand up for myself. I think that is part of the Healing Journey - Realizing that I am worth more. I do not deserve to be walked over. I am worthy of more. I should not dismiss or minimize the "abuses" (however minor) of others.

I am worthy of respect and acknowledgement. Even if I am not black!


Wow! I mean, yeah! That's great!! And ya know, it's fabulous that you actually shared this. Recently, I've been able to do some similar things too. It still feels really weird and like I don't deserve it. But just as you said, this "defending yourself", it really is part of the healing process.

Good for you!! and congrats!