Call to Arms

Call to Arms
I hope, that - I understand it so appropriate. I read that you speak, because I noticed as far as other people answer this, and it is such is important.

It, you ask only that we have survived? We do survive it, already. All here, we do make it. I shall hope, that we continue to, and we are not not capable to survive. I think only, that a way to suffer failure to survive, will be to operate, to prevent myself from a life. Sometime the life will end early anyhow. But to take measures, to end this which is only failure of a survival, I think.

To me spoke very much as I am a child, that I ' shall die young ' because of health. I would believe, that during some time, and not such big care of that happens with me. Now I do care, and I keep everything, that I can from a life. As 'young', it can mean age 30 or 80. I shall choose 80, I think.

There were times, which I think to give up. Between physical pain, and loss of my child, those two things force me to wish only sometime to choose death. But it - a choice of cowardice, I think, and what would harm to people of which I care very much.

It seems, I am modest to tell it as it - only my opinion, but seems rather silly to choose death now. The most difficult things are in the past. I had two person which offend by me, try to kill me in the past. Why now I would make their desires and would finish me myself? It would be rather silly from me.

I am not confident, that it - your intention that you speak, it is possible that I did not understand appropriate, that I read.

VN
 
VN, I am glad you are finding courage to keep going in life.

You have strong friends, and you too are strong.

Survivors are so much stronger in their spiritual self and they are strong because of their past.

I hope you live to 80, I hope I do too.

You have a big inner strength,

Use it my friend,

ste
 
Leosha:

John's intent here was to make this a positive statement. For that reason, I am going to edit out of my earlier post anything not in keeping with the premise of this thread. I implore you to do the same with your post above.

Peace be with you, Leosha.

Jasper
 
Jasper,

please note that it had already been done.


VN,

((((Hugs))) to you my friend. I have not ever been a parent, and I can not imagine the total devastation of losing a child. You know I lost my brother very young, and still feel grief and guilt over that. But it is not same as when you have created a life. I can strongly see why that would depress you enough to not wish to be here anymore. And it is testament to you that you still are. I know it has been very hard in recent few months, and I just hope you will know that always, your friends are here with you and love you.

John,

again, thank you for starting this thread and the way of thinking that is imbued here.

Leosha
 
VN,

Sometimes we do things "for our children." Sometimes we should do them for ourselves. I am glad that you choose life. I am sorry that you lost your daughter. That would break my heart. I hope that I would be strong as you are, and I would still want the good things for myself.

Thanks,

Joe

VN, I edited this. I am sorry for the mistake. I think too much of my son who is only away from me.
 
I did not write in this before. I am not sure why. It is not as it is bad thing to do, to promise survival of all this. But it make me feel uncomfortble before, some reason.

But I 'sign this' now. Because few nights ago, not in right mind of thinking, I almost do something most stupid. And I feel much shameand stupid of it. But it is not that what I want. I would not wish to die, to leave this life, my family, my friends. I do not wish my life over. I am 20 years age. I want much more life then this. I have done things stupid sometime. But I make promise now, to myself and to persons I care most of, I do survive this. Thank you.

Andrei
 
i am new to this brotherhood but i would very much like to take up the call to arms with the rest of you and i know with tears in my eyes and running done my face that standing together with all of you that i am stronger than i was before iread this
i will say this one strig cannot lift a great weight all by its self but but many standing together can lift the weight of the world and that can make world of diferance

it is now that i promis to not let my fears and memories of what has happend to me control my life these are still my first days dealing with it and it will take many more to be fully healed
thanks to all of you i know im not alone no matter how alone i feel thank you john for giveing all us lose strings a thread to cacth on to

jaso
 
Andrei - Glad to see you signed on. If one of us finds ourselves in a moment of weakness all we need to do is remind ourselves of the promise we have made here. That one second in time is all we need to have a change of heart.

Jaso - Welcome. I'm so happy you found this place and that this thread offers you the hope it was intended to. There is another side. I was where you are now not quite two years ago. I have seen tremendous change in that time and made tremendous growth. I trust you will too. Just stick with it. Let the tears flow, let your brothers hold you up when you are tired. We are here for eachother as much as we are for ourselves. Keep posting. PM me if you need or want to. I wish you a peaceful journey. - John
 
Well, John, a fine thread you have started. I say that, because I think that it will grow into one of the more, "contributed to," threads.
I have given my support in already referring an other to posting here.
I hope that it isn't a sign of weakness to confess to you all, here, that it has been a struggle for me, too, to get to a place where there is light at the end of the tunnel. No, no, it's not A Train, that so many make fun of.
But I do pledge to be here for as many as I can,
for as long as I can, with what ever encouragment
I can offer.
You've begun a most positive thread, I hope that everyone takes the time to read it and comes here, to your, WALL, to sign on.

Blessings to everyone on their journey,

David
 
To my many brothers where is the dotted line so I can sign up too!

I am now joining in the brotherhood of making an accountability of surviving no matter what the costs are or no matter my health related issues.I must survive not only for myself but for others as well in my life be it family,friends,mutual aquaintances or other potential brothers of S.A. OR P.A. today was the ultimate turning point for me it was a moment of reflection while sitting in court not as a victim or anything to do with a case other then doing ones Duty. :)
 
David - Thank you for your support and encouragement. As you can see, you are correct. This thread has taken on a life of its own, many, many brothers have answered the Call to Arms. Reading through all of the responses proves to be very powerful and moving for me and, I assume, others who read it as well.

Andrew - As you know, you have been in my thoughts. I was concerned about where you were headed, I'm happy and relieved that this positive, life-affirming message was that place. I was hoping to see your name here but had my doubts. Thank you for being here and for committing to surviving!! What a fine way to start my day!!
Peace - John
 
I have been away for sometime. I thought the site was still down.

After the Lew weekend I am in a much better place. I have 5 year old miracle / daughter that keeps me on this side of etrnity sometimes.

You have my pledge. I am just 1 yr into recovery and the road is very rocky. There will be times that I will be relying upon the strength of this group of brothers and those I met last weekend to get me through this hell.
 
A friend and I once had this discussion. He was pretty close to the edge, and, for different reasons, so was I. We, both being avid recreational shooters, agreed not to go by self-inflicted firearms injury.

The reason that we came up with was that, to go that way, we would increase the body of statistical data that is used to justify banning our sport. It may seem like the dumbest thing anyone here has heard (this was long before I ever took classes in social work). However, any reason to survive is probably a good one.

When I was younger I chose to live by convincing that I wanted to stay alive long enough to err do great harm (ya, thats a good way to put it, possibly the moderators wont delete my post) to my abuser. As I got older I discovered that I was not able to live at that level of hate, it is strange, I just stopped hating, that doesnt mean that I forgave (no way in he heck). It means that I no longer hate (of course I lost all strong emotion in the process).

So, I my new shield became honor. I chose not to dishonor my father by engaging in final self-destructive behavior. The firearms pledge helps a lot. Of course living for honor has its own risks. [war story deleted, but it did almost kill me, and I didnt care]

I also have my wife. I would say my children. However, they are now grown, that presented its own trial. Living for someone is its own risk. Because, eventually they will fail you, before they fail you, or just move away, it is necessary to come up with a new plan.

I will end on that point, survival is not a passive activity for everyone, and clearly, not for some of the people here. Just about any reason to survive is probably a good one.
 
I accept your call to arms as the hairs stand on the back of my neck and I hold back the tears.

This is very new to me, but i feel like I've joined an army of people who will help me with my
battle. Fighting it alone I always lost but now I know with the strength and love in this place the evil deamons do not stand a chance.


I am here in any way I can help.

Sam
 
I am new to this forum, and community, but I agree with the message; we should stand up in order to be stronger. (edited to remove email address)
 
Splitting - RobertC - Sam_S - Alexy - I am never ceased to be amazed by each addition to this thread. We are stronger than we know on our own. Together we can achieve anything, survival being the most important. Thank you for signing on. Thank you for committing to survival, that alone is enough. That is all that really matters.

And for anyone who jumps to the last post in this thread, I highly recommend that you go back to the start and read through all the posts. I guarantee you will come away with a new sense of strength, power, pride and admiration. I Love This!!! - John
 
While I haven't been here as often as I used to (life getting in the way, etc.), and I haven't been around for my friends and brothers here as much as I should, consider this an open invitation to lean on me if you need someone.

We all need to give our strength, because there will come a day when we need it back. This place, these forums, are a source of information and support when there's no place else to go. It's been said that someday YOU might be all that stands between hope and despair. That's a big responsability, but is it something we also can embrace?

The guys in this thread have made an important decision to embrace that idea. I'm proud to stand with you.

Peace and love,

Scot
 
Sinking, this is a really good thread. Thanks for writing it.

Originally posted by Jasper50:
And what of the young people? They often complain of grownups not listening to them. And I realize this is a very grownup topic. Maybe too grownup for some of them. But are we not all comrades in arms on this issue?
Click to expand...
Your comment makes me kinda sad. I don't think you meant it that way but it does.

I try to be strong and help other teens by writing and listening but it can be real difficult. I don't know what to say sometimes. Right now I need to take care of me and get through some heavy stuff. BUT when I grow up I'm gonna do everything I can to stop abuse from happening to others and be a positive role model. If a kid comes to me for help I'm gonna listen, try to make him feel safe and give advice (but only if he asks for it). I won't be pushy or freak out. I won't lie to him or threaten him. I hope I can be a safe grownup who's real easy to talk to about stuff.

Happy thoughts to everyone who needs them! :)
 
Charlie:

I'm sorry if you took offense. It was just a call to get everyone involved in John's thread. That's all. I don't know why but it seems like people sometimes read all sorts of things into my words. The point was not what I had to say but what John was saying. So if you agree with John's "call to arms"--great. That's all that matters, don't you think?

Also, I'm sorry for making any distinctions between kids and grownups around here. It took me the last few months of being here to finally realize the truth about this site.

There are no grownups here, except maybe just a few who are so far along the road to recovery that there's a world of difference between them and us.

Seriously, you think we are grownups? I'm not. Very few guys I know here are. Like it or not, we are just hurting kids in grownup bodies. That's the secret to this place.

When you finally become a grownup, then you get to move on. Or become a mod. Or maybe a member of the board, something like that.

But the rest of us, we're just kids. So maybe you like to pretend that there are all these grownup men here that you can lean on. And maybe a lot of the grownup men here like to think they have it together enough for some of the young people to lean on.

But in my humble opinion (and that's all it is), we're all kids here. It's like you come here, days, weeks, years, or even decades after the hurt has happened. It doesn't matter how long it's been. That's the truth. Because it might as well have been yesterday.

So maybe for one guy, say, the hurt happened at 11. It doesn't matter how old he is now, or how young, he's hurting like an 11 year old kid.

And maybe someone's like me. Someone who started being abused as a baby. Say, at 9 months old just like I was. Do you follow so far? I may pretend I'm a grownup but I'm not. A part of me is a hurting 9 month old baby.

In other words, we are all kids here, Some us have been around longer, chronologically speaking. And some of us act like we have all the answers but we don't.

So if I kick and scream and cry my head off sometimes?

Forgive me...I'm just a big baby!

There, I said it!

Take care,

Jasper
 
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