Burden

king tut

Registrant
I had photos and video taken, often starting as i was sleeping in bed, but sometimes in the bathroom. Most of mine would start at night or really if i would fall asleep anywhere, i guess that makes you seem more accessible and vulnerable, an opportunity to get started.

It used to be a big problem for me, the thought that images could be out there- that i would be recognised and that people could be viewing it.

These days i guess i feel that there are thousands of us in the same position potentially with images of us out there, so i feel like i'm just one of many. It used to be a heavy burden-the thought of being taken advantage of every time somebody viewed the images or videos. But knowing that i'm just one of many kind of makes me feel stronger about it, we're all in the same boat. If people want to see me like that i think of it as their burden, not mine. I didn't do anything wrong, it wasn't my choice and there's nothing wrong with me. If people want to watch that kind of thing it's up to them- their problem.
 
Hey Tut

Yeah our pictures are out there and I doubt that anyone would recognize you unless they knew you at the time those pictures were taken. I know that I had thousands of pictures taken of me along with some really horrendous films turned into videos. I think that you would only find the movies in the "deep web" but I can do a simple google search and come up with some pictures of me. These are not really phonographic but rather pics of me in a skimpy bathing suit. There are other's that make it look like I belong in a naturist family environment. But nobody would recognize me.

I know it's a really bad feeling but at least nobody would recognize you. And if someone does recognize you WTF are they doing looking at naked kids

Don't let it get you down. It's the people who look at our pics that need help and or jail not us

[size:20pt]((((( HUGS )))))[/size]

[size:20pt]Peace, Rainbows, Love, Healing & Hope
 

Sterling

Registrant
Listen King Tut ; I hope you read this.
I am so sorry...:) I was planning to move my rant here
to my "I love you" column.
I pressed submit , too late that I forgot I was in your
post "Burden".
I am so sorry. I hope you can forgive me.
The videotaping you mentioned , just triggered me and
I was hoping to send it to my abuser in my post.
I am so sorry. I hope you can forgive me!
I tried deleting it immediately but it was too late.
I am so, so ,sorry!

James
 
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1in6

Registrant
Hi King tut, hi lapchinj and Sterling,

I tried to post something in of these media-related forums before, months ago. But what I wrote I deleted within minutes. What I wrote wasn't horribly detailed, in fact, it was just an acknowledgement that I had that kind of experience too. But I still wasn't ready to have that out there.

I'm only writing to say that I've experienced this because I can relate with how you've titled this topic. It is a burden, isn't it? Wondering if it will somehow surface. Wondering if it does, if someone would see it like on a news special about csa and someone saying how you look just like that kid they saw. Maybe this isn't what you think about at all. Maybe it's just me. But the fear that I feel is definitely a burden to me. And the idea that anyone could see what was done to me and what I was like during that time really makes my stomach sick.

At first I was shown pictures and movies. Later, I was the subject of both. That's about all I will say. But yeah, it's a burden I carry. So I hope for peace for us all and continued anonymity as we carry our burdens.

Best of luck:)
 
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Hey 1in6

The one thing I learned is that if pictures were taken of us then they are somewhere on the net. Depending on how bad they were the deeper they are buried in the net.

There is nothing that you have to tell to write here on this thread or in this forum. It's always good to start up a dialog. You are just another brick in the wall that was taken advantage of. There is shit I would feel uncomfortable telling on an open form and I would only tell a few friends on PM. I have been able to find using a Google search to find some of my pictures on some of the Russian sites. They are only bathing suit pictures but I know that people can get off on that shit also. That was unnerving to say the least. Even though they were only bathing suit pictures and returned in a simple Google search I do know who took these specific pictures. It's really hard to look at yourself even though if anyone else saw the pictures they would consider then as regular family photos. There are thousands of my pictures out there but my T has told me to stop searching for any of them.

My T over the years has pushed me to talk about what I went through. And it has helped in putting my puzzle together. It's not a nice puzzle I would want to publish but seeing the chain of events come together I feel a little more free from my past.

It's very brave of you to say what you did.

Good luck and I'm happy that you posted some of your thoughts. Feel good.

Peace, Rainbows, Love, Healing & Hope
 

1in6

Registrant
Hi lapchinj,

Wow! How horrible it is to think about being "just another brick in the wall." You know, for a long time, I used to think that I was the only one to have been abused in the way that I was. I was physically abused, I was SA by a family member, and then I was abused by two men who rented a room in my home from the time that I was 11 until I was 14. But then to think that I was also not the only person who, as a kid, had pictures and films taken of me, only to find out that others like me had this happen to them too is really messed up. But I am definitely not up to searching for those pictures and films. I think it would be something that could really set me back, so hats off to you for being so brave:)!

Thank you for the luck and for saying to feel good:). I wish the same for you:)

Take really good care too, Jeff:)

William
 
Hey 1in6

I never got that feeling that I was the only one that was being taken pictures of. What turned out to be two 9 year old boys drunk on the wine my friends father made in his basement and being naked together. My friends sister started taking pictures of us together to put into those boy magazines that were sold at newsstands in the city durning the 60's. So when I saw these magazines with my picture in it I also saw so many kids there also. That's why I refer it to just another brick in the wall.

There were plenty of pictures that were taken where my friend and I were in bathing suits but I guess that was supposed to turn perps on. All you need for such a magazine is a bunch of beautiful kids naked or in bathing suites. You put in some articles and you have a great magazine. I haven't seen one of those magazines since I was a kid but the pictures stand out in my mind and still makes me wonder the type of person who would get it on looking at them.

I think that we were all brave in one sense or another. I don't worry so much about someone recognizing me because if they do then what the fuck are they doing looking at me naked along with other naked kids?

Be well, speak later

Peace, Rainbows, Love, Healing & Hope
 
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