Brain & Genitals - what's the connection ?

Brain & Genitals - what's the connection ?
L

Lloydy

Registrant
Making love with someone really special is one of the finest feelings there is.
Doing it on your own can be quiteb good as well if you don't happen to have a partner.

So if we are lucky enough to have a loving partner, and we still have our desires - what the hell gets in the way of making love succesfully ?

I know that sometimes there are physical problems and we can't get a stiffy, but these days a little pill can sometimes help there.
But what I think we need to get sorted is what's broken in the link between our brain and our dicks.

For me the memories hijack the nice thoughts somewhere along the way, and I fight with the vision of those bastards that abused me.
Why were those visions still so strong after all those years ?

And even after therapy and a lot of hard work, when I had done a fairly good job of surpressing those visions, and also sorting them out - not just surpressing them - I now find that the mechanism for expressing my love, by making love, is also surpressed ?

There must be a way of seperating these two things ? I know they have a very strong common link - sex. But the initial impulse and desire to have sex with someone I love is surely a seperate thing from remembering my abuse.

Somehow they seem to collide though, and when they do it's a major wreck and It's a hell of a job to get them untangled.

Making love is something we want to do, it's nice - why wouldn't we want to do it ?
The memories are shit, we don't want them.
So why is it so hard to seperate them, and keep them apart ?

Any ideas ?

Dave
:confused:
 
Yeh I do Dave. We were sexualized before we were ready and before we could explore on our own fully. All we knew at the start was the sick shit that was perpetrated on us by you know who. And in most cases our bodies, because they were young responded with stiffys and orgasms and the whole nine yards. Boy did they like that. We were getting what we wanted and were able to enjoy it with them. They were only doingwhat we wanted. So what happens. This shit gets stuck in our brain thats what. The dick does not have a brain but it sure reacts to stimuli from our brain. It is a good thing they dont have brains too cause they might go out on strike :D

Now to make love requires a lot of passion sharing caring co-mingling sort of. And boy that never happened with us did it. Co-mingle my ass. It was all take take take.

We spend so much time worrying about what is between our legs and so little worrying about how to change the electronic pathways in our brain. I take patience and practice practice practice.

Am I totally off the wall? I dont think so.
 
Brain & Genital Connections can sometimes be intertwined with the SA and its after effects upon us as men later down the road.Love making on one hand can be rewarding and refreshing when done at the right time and on the other hand when the stiffy & the brain get a short circuit then love making can be a battle and can wind up with one partner sleeping on "The Couch" SA can take a front seat approach when this takes place example being a memory from the sa that rears its ugly head and reminds us of the Sexual Abuse we encountered at the hand of another human or inhumane person.


For instance, i can remember one night when my spouse asked me if we could set aside time to make love one night, i said sure honey anything you desire, that statement caused me grief that night while in the middle of love making to my wonderful & loving wife an "SA" memory came back and caused a short circuit between the brain & the stiffy.A memory which caused me to be reminded of several things which my abuser had said to me several times in regard to my stiffy that i would only remember when in this position,something i am in the process of dealing with and trying to battle and take control back over.Statements made by the Abuser can have lasting effects later on in life even with a "Magical Pill" these things must be dealt with accordingly otherwise,the short circuit will continue.


Matt
 
Matt,
Can I say, "It's good to see you back" ? I sometimes hope that when someone isn't here for a while they're really doing well and don't need to be here.
Anyway, I hope you're doing as well as you can.

Statements made by the Abuser can have lasting effects later on in life even with a "Magical Pill" these things must be dealt with accordingly otherwise,the short circuit will continue.
Click to expand...
This is so true, I can still remember things they said to me that made me feel wanted and good.
All kinds of false praise, that made what they were doing, something that 'we were doing'

And part of making love is saying things to your partner, telling them that what they are doing feels so good, asking them what they would like you to do to them.

I can't do that. My abusers taught me to ask them what they wanted me to do, they praised me for what I did.
So to do it now in a loving relationship still - 39 years after the abuse started - reminds me of their words. They are clear and bright in my memory still.

I can't ever remember saying anything much when making love with my wife.
I don't ask her to do anything, I feel like I'm imposing on her - even 'abusing' her.
I don't tell her what feels good, incase she thinks I'm some kind of 'pervert' - even for liking 'normal' things.

Matt, they did some kind of job on us.

Dave.
 
I do not have answers, of course. I do not even get at where you suggest.

Maybe is trigger....


I can not even touch myself as that. I do few times, to try, and it cause more panic. It feel some good, but then it is his hand, not mine, and I total lose my head again. And then, I almost be talked into it, by another perpetrater, who is online only for that reason,and feel so strange and sick of that. I can not look in mirror, I see very ugly bad person who looks back at me. And to even think that, it feels so wrong and dirty, even to think of that. I do not know that I can ever get over feeling sick to do that, and so bad. Hate to even see people together in movies or on the street, because I know that is something I can not have or do.

SOrry, I know that does not help you at all. I just needed to say this, how ruined I am of this.

leosha
 
Dave

Thanks for your posting. It is an issue I am struggling to overcome. My wife is patient and loving with me. However when it comes to making love, I get sidetracked, distracted and paniked by the emotions. My t suggests that in time relations may occur and these feelings may just be a passing thought like having to cut the grass. I do not know if that will happen, but I have to keep working on it and that's what helps the relationship between my wife and I. She knows I am working on it and I love her.


Chuck
 
Chuck
Just how much patience do some women have eh ?

I know I test Linda's patience often, but she's always there, loving and understanding at the end of it all.

She does tell me when I'm out of line, and I welcome that - I'm a very selfish person if not kept whipped into line :rolleyes:
I recognize it in the end, but it's a long time coming.

So, I keep trying, and she keeps caring.
If I told her how much I love her a million times a day it wouldn't be enough.

Dave
 
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