I follow a number of artists, museums and art pages in my social media.
There was a sculpture of a dying man with a little boy holding his hand.
It was titled "The Oath of Spartacus"
I was curious about the story behind it.
Was there an event when he was a boy that led Spartacus to the slave revolt?
So I Googled it and clicked on the first site that came up. It appeared to answer my question. But then I noticed the name of the website. - Boywiki -
It was a man/boy love wikipedia.
It even had a big triangle wraped around a little triangle image that is a "boylove" logo.

This really upsets me. I know this stuff is on the dark web but to have a website promoting it out in the open, like it is the most normal thing. They don't care about the pain their "lifestyle" has cause all of us.

Just now before I post this I thought I should check to see if that triangle symbol is what I thought it was. So I Googled it and it is a pedophile symbol. It also brought up a site about NAMBLA. Which I stupidly clicked on thinking it was a article about them. Nope. It is their website. I left it as fast as I could. I didn't even think they were real, or they were something that existed years ago.

I wish there was a way to have those sites taken down. It disturbs me that their sites rank so high on search engines.
You try to look something up about ancient history and stumble into people promoting what I have spent decades trying to recover from.


So sorry about that. As i understand it as long as they don't post actual sexual images they can do pretty much what they want.


Staff member
You have identified the evil side of free speech.

I often wonder if there is a manual on grooming on that website...they all follow Such similar playbooks.


It breaks my heart when I see things like that.
We all know what is to be a vulnerable kid and what is to be seduced, used, betrayed and/or later discharged by a perpetrator. I wish this never happened again with anybody.
When i investigated my trafficking abuse I discovered about why such things exist and there is tons of documentation about why these perps do what they do - disgusting stuff.


I have been triggered just like this by all kinds of things on the internet, such as porn sites, on people's dating profiles, or as "jokes" in TV and film (big ones being South Park and Family Guy). It feels so insulting and aggravating and I myself feel so guilty for even having seen it. It launches a series of triggers that last for days and weeks.... I hope that this isn't the case for you. Hang in there.
I was some time ago in a conversation about these types of sites. Being used in the production of porn in both photos and films I went to look at what today's non-porn porn boy sites are all about. I was deep in the search for my past. I don't know if it was this boy wiki site being talked about here but I do remember the name NAMBLA. It is stuck in my head, between my eyes. I read some articles trying to figure out what makes men do today what they did to me back in the '60s. What I saw on the site is probably legal but very troubling. In the '60s there was worse stuff available legally and I was part of all that. I didn't see anything except that it was full of boys in bathing suit pictures but I wanted to understand what made these guys tick. I wanted to know why I was so agreeable to be in magazines that had boys without the bathing suits. As I read the different articles I saw a picture of a boy I knew. The boy had a bathing suit on but I also noticed it wasn't a recent picture but rather what they called a vintage picture. That picture was a picture of me.

I was going to stop here since recalling this is very embarrassing and very triggering but very important to speak out against.

I fully understand what these people want to see and the most they can put out in their magazines are pictures of smiling pre-pubescent boys (I was around 12 in the picture) standing around in their bathing suits. But that is not what I learned from all the reading and seeing that picture. If they had that picture taken around 1963 then they had access to other pictures of me and my friends without our bathing suits on. I know there are pictures of me and my friends in the public domain. I've seen them. That is one of the reasons I helped create this forum.

Today, the net is like a volcano bring up the fire from the depths of the earth. Stuff we thought would never surface again. Stuff that people said wouldn't surface again simply because it was too old and today porn can be very easily made, so why waste time scanning pictures. I want to say that nudity is not porn but Porn is still Porn. There is no mistake of what porn looks like or what the eyes of the kids in the porn look like. Those eyes are always looking at the directors to see what they are supposed to do next. I have seen hundreds (of the many thousands) of pictures taken of me along with some of my friends in the '60s (those pictures started in '59 when I was 8). They are of the same quality as today's photos and films. Photos in color using color film and not being colorized. There is a song by Paul Simon from 1973 called Kodachrome. Kodachrome was created in 1935 and used by the marines throughout WWII. They only used Kodachrome to document their time in history. But Kodachrome also documented a time in my life. All those documents still exist today and NAMBLA and all those boy love magazines know that. If given a chance they would take the same pictures that were taken of kids back in the '60s.

There were articles in their magazine about what to do if someone is arrested and if he goes to jail. They will support a paying member. They agree with all their heart to help someone in jail who was a boy lover. But that someone didn't go to jail for having a copy of a boy magazine with a photo of a 12-year-old blond boy in a bathing suit.

There are other articles about how a boy lover can win over the favor of a child. There are articles about how to make it all look OK for the parents. But these people are not looking to help kids be better soccer players or help underprivileged kids. They are looking for kids to strike up a close relationship with. I had one of those relationships from the time I was 10 until I left the game when I was 24. I was lucky to leave but I'm afraid my best friend wasn't. According to my T, the stats show that a child who stays in the game is dead by the age of 30. My best friend never went to school while I was with him. So what else could he do aside from having his ass sold?

So you'll ask why I was in the "life" so long? Simple, it was a "life" I was brought up in. It was the "life" I knew. There were people who "loved" me, there was a doctor who took care of me when I was sick (with STDs, anal bleeding, canker sores in my mouth), I lived in a cool apartment in the village with one of my two best friends and two other boys who worked the streets, we slept on a king size mattress in the corner of a room on the floor. Clothes were bought for me. Very low cut jeans, I didn't need underwear most of the time but both bikini and string girl's panties were bought for me. T-shirts that came down to just above my belly button. A dungaree jacket that came down to just below my t-shirt. I had to show skin. I never wore socks. I had moccasins, I even got a pair of Converse ankle-high sneakers that my mother didn't want to buy me. The sneakers were my snowshoes. If they got wet I wore my moccasins. If they also got wet then I could wear either of them.

My best friend didn't go to school since he was 9. So I bought magazines like Life and National Geographics so I could help him read better. I also got hold of those boy magazines that I was in to show him that I was in a real magazine that was sold on NYC street corners in NYC newsstands. It was legal back then to look at me in all my glory while playing with my friends.

The problem that took me years to realize is that the "life" or "game" as I called it sexualized my childhood, I thought love meant sex, it caused me to miss more days than I was allowed in high school but the "game" still got me promoted, it ruined my chances and dreams of going to the Olympics, I flunked out of college in three semesters, made me paranoid walking on the streets my whole life, I was not able to hold any of my 6 newborn children, it was impossible to play or do homework with any of my children, I never bathed any of my children, childcare was relegated to my wife, I cannot play with my grandchildren, and even worse I don't even know my grandchildren and they don't know me. At 8 years old I was into glue and drinking wine that my friend's father made. I was always being drugged by customers, at photoshoots, or in the movies. Weed, hash and eventually shooting speed by 15.

I think that the worst that happened to me was when I left the "game". I disappeared and moved away from my parents, away from my friends, away from the drugs, and away from the "game". I never told anyone including my wife about my life before 1975. 24 years were put away in a vault I hoped to bury along with me. Because of my extreme silence about my life, I could never make close friends. All anyone knew was that I was an all American kid. Then came 1/4/2011 and my life came apart. I had walked into my old haunts by mistake. I stood on a street corner in the village for 45 minutes and listened to my little self tell me that I fucked up. I started drinking and drugs again. I got here on 6/11/2011. I tried a third time to end my life in March of 2012. Since 1/4/2012 I started with a great T, got myself a shrink, and then an EMDR T. All together they have helped me tremendously.

Sorry for this extreme rant. All I want to do is bring out the heartache and damage these NAMBLA type people have caused to so many children. All they do is ruin children's lives, they ruined mine. The end result of my life is that I either wasted it being in the "game" or hiding from the "game". How many other lives have been wasted and ruined because of people like NAMBLA?