Boy to man
This is to someone here.
Dear Friend,
I thank you, for your concern of me,of my safety and health, for your concern of my healing. But it is MY healing. I need to do it as I can. Already, I have felt push to go to therapy, and done it. Already, I have felt push to make report against someone, report I am not at all ready for, and I done it. I do not say it is you who do that push, I just say it is there. Now with this. Do you understand, you are older of me? You are older man? How is it I can say 'No' to you or anyone who tells me what they think I should do? My training, my life, my religion, it all is against me doing that. Because you trust someone, that do not mean I can do same. Because you believe in something do not mean I can do the same. And I worry, is it me that you have this concern of? Or is it that you want to relive, to do what you could not do before? Is it that you could not report it before, so if I do it is something so much more important to you? You have your healing. You have your therapy. You have your past, you have your future. I have mine. They are maybe similar. They are not same. Please do not relive your chances through me. Please do not push me to do what you could not do at the time.
I put this here, instead of just message it to this person, who is someone I care much of, because I think it is something that need be said. The younger members here, they are not just other chances for the older ones to 'do it right'. We are different people. I have been told before here that I am 'lucky', to be dealing with this younger. I know now what that person meant. That I will hopefuly not lose so many years to the afects of it. But still, I do not feel lucky. I have friend here who is older than me by 5 years, and I do not think he feel lucky either. Because I am younger, that does not mean I can be pushed to do what you maybe could not do yourself. And I am very easy to push. But I am not liking it at all.
As already, I said it is nearly impossible for me to say 'No' to any suggestion of older man. I am lucky that the older men here want what is good for me. But it still feels being forced to do something I do not want or feel ready for.
Maybe is just easier to say 'goodbye'. I don't know. It has taken me time to write this, and I have taken time to post it also. But I need say this. I am sorry for anyone it angers. I am upset to lose my friend.
Andrei
Dear Friend,
I thank you, for your concern of me,of my safety and health, for your concern of my healing. But it is MY healing. I need to do it as I can. Already, I have felt push to go to therapy, and done it. Already, I have felt push to make report against someone, report I am not at all ready for, and I done it. I do not say it is you who do that push, I just say it is there. Now with this. Do you understand, you are older of me? You are older man? How is it I can say 'No' to you or anyone who tells me what they think I should do? My training, my life, my religion, it all is against me doing that. Because you trust someone, that do not mean I can do same. Because you believe in something do not mean I can do the same. And I worry, is it me that you have this concern of? Or is it that you want to relive, to do what you could not do before? Is it that you could not report it before, so if I do it is something so much more important to you? You have your healing. You have your therapy. You have your past, you have your future. I have mine. They are maybe similar. They are not same. Please do not relive your chances through me. Please do not push me to do what you could not do at the time.
I put this here, instead of just message it to this person, who is someone I care much of, because I think it is something that need be said. The younger members here, they are not just other chances for the older ones to 'do it right'. We are different people. I have been told before here that I am 'lucky', to be dealing with this younger. I know now what that person meant. That I will hopefuly not lose so many years to the afects of it. But still, I do not feel lucky. I have friend here who is older than me by 5 years, and I do not think he feel lucky either. Because I am younger, that does not mean I can be pushed to do what you maybe could not do yourself. And I am very easy to push. But I am not liking it at all.
As already, I said it is nearly impossible for me to say 'No' to any suggestion of older man. I am lucky that the older men here want what is good for me. But it still feels being forced to do something I do not want or feel ready for.
Maybe is just easier to say 'goodbye'. I don't know. It has taken me time to write this, and I have taken time to post it also. But I need say this. I am sorry for anyone it angers. I am upset to lose my friend.
Andrei
