boundaries now

boundaries now
B

beginning108

Registrant
I am finding i have poor boundaries in general, and this applies to my sex, attractions, etc as well ...i never had good models for these things...if there are other people like this, have you found another way to learn other than by error and correction-or ways to make this easier other than or in addition to medication, therapy, groups and such--and reading i suppose, finding good model friends i suppose--it's so hard because I end up losing myself in others...
...thanks
 
Beginning,

Abuse often messes up our sense of boundaries. We learn those in childhood and adolescence, and if that path is reduced to wreckage, well, that leaves us to piece all this together as best we can in adulthood.

You have already named the best ways to restore this imbalance IMHO. I think the safest route is through therapy; a T's task is to help you make your way back and keep you safe as you go. Discussing your issues in a safe environment (here, for example) will also help, but mainly I think a T needs to lend a hand.

Much love,
Larry
 
Beginning,

I had boundaries once. But the perp busted 'em down. After the 14 years of SA and 4 perps, there was nothing left of the boundries. There was just little me all naked and cold trying not to stop living.

Now emotionally after 16 years of recovery there is still almost no boundries. When someone tries to take advantage of me, it's why not, whats left here to protect anyway. The most sacred part of my person has been desecrated.

On a logical level I have established boundries I can say "no you are not going to do that" I'm getting pretty good at it. But I have to think about it. I have to decide to say no. I don't automaticly block people getting too close. I'm hoping that this will soon change. But for now I will continue to think and proceed with caution.

Take a look at Larry's sig line right above this reply. Those desecrated places are worth cleaning up, they are after all still sacred. They are worth protecting and building boudaries around.

Thanks Larry for that awesome insight!

That my friend is what works for me; it's not always easy it takes effort. I hope that this reply is helpful.

Hang in there

Darrel
 
Knowing, recognizing and respecting other people's boundaries is sometimes more problematic when our own boundaries have been violated and remain unrestored. Peace, Andrew
 
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