Body Talk
SubtleStuff
Registrant
Hi Guys,
I had an unusual experience yesterday that I'd like to share.
As I've been exploring the concept of Fawning as a response to threat and abuse, I've been consciously putting as much distance as possible between my mother (my abuser) and I. It felt good.
Recently I had to visit in order to receive some material support from her and got into a much deeper than expected conversation with her. She apparently recognizes the early childhood trauma that are very likely contributors to my severe health challenges but finds a way to worm her way out of taking any responsibility for failing to act in more constructive ways by framing herself as the victim/martyr of greater social forces.
Once I got home, my anger spiked badly. I felt a seething rage at her for her unwillingness to take any responsibility for her role in what happened to me (She denies the sexual abuse completely). This is very unusual for me and highly taboo both culturally and in my birth family. I contemplated taking her up again on a past offer to "Help any way she can" and ask her to take responsibility for her failures.
Overnight, my body showed strong signs of distress so I tossed out that plan and focused on putting as much distance between herself and I as possible. Louise Hay's book "You can Heal Your Life" mentions that the physical symptom that flared up most strongly is related to "Fear. A blockage in the letting go process". I think I've been clinging to the longing for the safe affection I never got and keep cycling through a futile pattern of Fawning behaviours and getting angry when my needs aren't met (again!) by her or anyone else. Time to get away from her!
I found a description of a personality type that fits her well. " A sense of shame permeates her inner landscape". "They do not take criticism well and are intensely self justified." "Their health issues include chronic tightness in the chest, difficulty breathing..." " Relating to them can be a puzzling business". All of this fits her well.
The same book of personality descriptions describes my road to health as "Detachment". I have to learn to detach from the trauma of my youth (rather than getting angry about it and blaming people) and nourish healthier social connections and safer inner landscapes. It's not easy given that I'm very dependent for material support on my mother right now and the traumatic patterns were set up in utero. I'd love to change my material dependency on her... Work in progress.
Cheers,
S
I had an unusual experience yesterday that I'd like to share.
As I've been exploring the concept of Fawning as a response to threat and abuse, I've been consciously putting as much distance as possible between my mother (my abuser) and I. It felt good.
Recently I had to visit in order to receive some material support from her and got into a much deeper than expected conversation with her. She apparently recognizes the early childhood trauma that are very likely contributors to my severe health challenges but finds a way to worm her way out of taking any responsibility for failing to act in more constructive ways by framing herself as the victim/martyr of greater social forces.
Once I got home, my anger spiked badly. I felt a seething rage at her for her unwillingness to take any responsibility for her role in what happened to me (She denies the sexual abuse completely). This is very unusual for me and highly taboo both culturally and in my birth family. I contemplated taking her up again on a past offer to "Help any way she can" and ask her to take responsibility for her failures.
Overnight, my body showed strong signs of distress so I tossed out that plan and focused on putting as much distance between herself and I as possible. Louise Hay's book "You can Heal Your Life" mentions that the physical symptom that flared up most strongly is related to "Fear. A blockage in the letting go process". I think I've been clinging to the longing for the safe affection I never got and keep cycling through a futile pattern of Fawning behaviours and getting angry when my needs aren't met (again!) by her or anyone else. Time to get away from her!
I found a description of a personality type that fits her well. " A sense of shame permeates her inner landscape". "They do not take criticism well and are intensely self justified." "Their health issues include chronic tightness in the chest, difficulty breathing..." " Relating to them can be a puzzling business". All of this fits her well.
The same book of personality descriptions describes my road to health as "Detachment". I have to learn to detach from the trauma of my youth (rather than getting angry about it and blaming people) and nourish healthier social connections and safer inner landscapes. It's not easy given that I'm very dependent for material support on my mother right now and the traumatic patterns were set up in utero. I'd love to change my material dependency on her... Work in progress.
Cheers,
S
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