Bobbing up and down

[reality2k4]

I was pretty much down today, just needed to talk to somebody.
My abusive brother got back from holiday today, and he gave me his side swipe snarl.

He cannot touch me, he knows it, and he is wary of trying anything on me.
But, why? Was he abusive to me all those years ago, when I could not fight back.

He is the toxic part of my family, and the others will come back if I drop him wholesale.
Trouble is, he cannot ever see the error of his ways.

My main concern is to keep my mind safe, no matter what.
It is so refreshing to just go shopping and meet such nice people who love to see me.

I dunno why they do, but I guess I talk to anybody, well most ppl I meet.
I am still the chatty cheeky little boy that everyone knew.

I think of all you guys, and things that are going on right now in your own lives.
It hurts me to think that this hurt is not just mine, but in many ppls minds.

I guess we all those little boys, and I hold many of you as true friends.
This post is all about friendships and values only borne of a place like this.

I post stuff about not hurting others, then I also get hurt.
It is inevitable that this should be, it is what I expect, what I grew to learn was acceptable.

Not standing up for myself in the face of adversity was and still is so tiring in this world.

I live a chequered existance, a bit like Kerouac, in his on the road book.
I have worked with homeless, and those who are needy.

I guess I have met a lot of the hurt the world can throw at us guys.
Nobody even questioned my past, and why I was so compassionate towards others.

It is a natural progression from being hurt, to doing what I can to prevent future hurt.
What? Pushes me forward.

I guess it is all the hurt of the past, sitting on my bed in the morning waiting for my parents to kick off and fight about me.
I just curled up into a ball to get away and cry.

I just guess I get worked up about my own fight, and how it leads to nowhere.
We need to get this place back to where it was once, its not impossible to do.

Nothing is,

ste

Break down those barriers to friendships.

 

[roadrunner]

Ste,

If it encourages your recovery I don't see any reason why you should not jettison your brother from your safe circle. What has he contributed to you over the years? It looks to me like he is a major connection to your feelings that you were destined for and could not be saved from abuse.

Much love,
Larry