Blue times

Blue times
C

crisispoint

Registrant
Perhaps it's because I've been sick (nasty bloody flu, and it's not even winter yet!), but I've been dwelling on what has happened to me, how it's affected my life, and where I'm supposed to go from here.

Needless to say, you shouldn't dwell on that crap when you're sick! :rolleyes:

Another flashback and I'm in a mood. Some days, I'd just love to run into my abuser again and have a chance to get the kind of justice I should've gotten years ago. Other timesm despite I'm a grown man and he's an old one, I am terrified of him to the point of dying. He is my boogeyman, my monster, my albatross.

When can I leave him behind? Should I ever leave him behind? Now I realize how much he f****d up my mind, telling me he loved me while abusing me horribly, I am angry and scared.

I don't know what to do, I really don't. Sometimes I feel like I'm ready to put my life together, other times, I want to say "screw it" and fall into the hole.

What to do, I don't know.

I know I have strength, love, and support here and with my family. Is it enough? I believe that it is. I hope it is.

Thank you, my brothers. If I have made a 10th of the difference in your lives as the 100 percent you have in mine, it's been worthwhile.

Peace and love, my brothers.

Scot
 
Scot

I don't know what to do, I really don't. Sometimes I feel like I'm ready to put my life together, other times, I want to say "screw it" and fall into the hole.
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Never that my brother. Never that. That SOB probably is not even thinking about you and what he did. They are too goddamned self centered to ever consider others except as objects.

You have lots of support and dont forget that.

Get a big stuffed animal and let him be your dragon slayer. I did and it helped me a lot.
 
I struggle with similar issues daily. I usually find a way to just numb-out (not that I'm recommending that).

Peace,
Scotty
 
Scot,

You have said so many things that have strengthened and taught me all over this board. I appreciate you.

You've already come so far on your journey, I know you can do it! Sometimes I'd like to run into your---and the others'---abusers too. (I had 5 years of judo!)

You're right, you have lots of love and support. Tonight I learned first hand just how powerful that is. I'm still astounded.

You're worth it. Priceless. Ya gotta believe me, cuz I never lie! :D

I hope you feel better soon!

Hugs,

Lynn
 
I am sorry you are having such a hard time rght now, but give it time, that is all you can do, give it time and with the love and support you have you will heal in time. Just hang on, no matter how hopeless you feel, and things seem, just hang on and remember there will be a dawn, and you will no longer have to suffer the dark of night.

scott
 
Scot
other times, I want to say "screw it" and fall into the hole.
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I've seen the bottom of that hole, and you don't want to go there....trust me on that one ;)

Dave
 
Scot, I am finding it similar, this last week or such. Being sick, and now hurt, it seems to make me dwell more on past things also. It is harder to stay strong of mind when the body is weak. But it is not easy either, to say 'oh, enough of this now'. I wish I had answer for you. I am hurting so much right now, and wanting to just bang my head against wall to make voices in there shut up. But instead, I am here, responding, catching up at email, doing what I can to 'distract' for now. I hope it works, and i hope you find something to help you distract when you need to. I hope you feeling better now also.

leosha
 
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