Blackout today

Blackout today
R

RememberingInMN

Registrant
Had a blackout today... lost two hours and have no idea where they went.. I can and have watched myself on the store video, acting normally except for one hitch when a customer came in. They same customer I hve reacted to before. I m not sure if it is because I know this guy, or if he reminds me someone.. But I see him and I go t talk to him with a pit in my stomach.. and black.. nothing remembered just coming to sitting at my desk.. Watched the video five times already.. the only thing I can see that is odd is that I stop before I reach him.. pause.. then contnue on as normal.. Just freaks me out.. I feel like I am in a fog still, not myself.. Emotionless as I type this..Need a Therapist but am afrid to find one.. or go to one.. what if I just manipulate them like I do to everyone else I meet? Whats to stop me from thinking he or she is not smart enough so I will just play with them? I know therapy won't help if I am not honest.. But if I have a problem being honest with people when I first meet them, how can I get help..
Sorry guys, rambling again..
 
Hey there... I have never lost time like that, but know someone who used to have that happen once in a while. Sounds like you were triggered by this customer and your mind took a little holiday to protect you. Amazing how the brain works.

I used to manipulate therapists when I was in therapy in high school. Never told them the truth. When I started therapy on my own, as an adult, paying out of my own pocket, I vowed to myself that I wouldn't do it.

I remember sitting in the waiting room for my first visit and actually whispering to myself that I would not lie to my therapist, no matter what. That she couldn't help me if I wasn't honest.

All I can say is, when you are ready, you will find a therapist and you will make a commitment to yourself to work through and process this.

PM me if you need to.
 
We are all prone to triggers at some time, where the trigger lies is not known, what pushes the panic button? Wish I knew, I can get triggers from walking down the street and walking past some guy and thinking, you could do it, basic survival instincts I can only guess.

You need to find the trigger that does it, not easy, but I know that I can feel so uneasy with certain people for no reason at all, maybe a primeaval instinct.

Some though, become true friends, I think we are all looking for the evil we once met, scared to make that friendship for fear of being let down, there is a trigger that sets up a fear of the person we met, because of unconscious thoughts protecting us from further abuse.

Don't really know, unconscious thought can be very malicious in life, especially when we don't know it is happening as we expect our life to be "normal"

"How" can it be normal???

We must in our lives, confront these issues by identifying them if we can, but the subconscious mind is always there to protect, and can make as many enemies as it can friends,

living with the issue all of our lives and confronting the ghosts day by day

ste
 
Blackouts can be hard, I have lost time myself, but I know when I "lose time" it is because I have DID. But I understand how unsettling they can be, especially when we see something odd from during that time. I know it's unsettling, but just try to relax about it, nothing terrible happened.

I understand having someone around sometimes who you just feel that pit in your stomach when you are around, I work at a museum, and one of our volunteers is like that for me, he freaks me out, and best of all, he likes to touch peoiple, you know pat their shoulder put arm around, etc. But I have found that just reminding myself he won't hurt me, no matter how much he may remind me of someone, and then sometimes, I just try to avoid him. I don't know the whole situation, but maybe someone else can work with that customer if it makes you uncomfortable.

As for the therapy, it may be scary thinking you may just manipulate them, but I lay you odds that any therapist worth his degree will see through it. Maybe you need to just start, even if at first you do manipulate or lie, after time when you are more comfortable with them you can get down to the work and be honest. But like I said, most therapists would be able to tell if you are being honest or just manipulating the situation. My advice, is "bite the bullet" and find a therapist, you may need to see a few to start with to see who you feel best with, but therapy can be a great asset, even if you aren't totally honest at first. When I first started therapy, I "censored" myself, wouldn't go into detail, wouldn't really explain things, but after awhile, when I felt more comfortable with my therapist I let my guard down, and we have begun to work together.

Feel free to PM me if you need someone to listen, I am here.

Good luck with everything, and may you be at peace.

scott
 
Just wanted to say that I responded to this at member forum.

leosha
 
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