bitterr towards my brotherr? &other people

[lipsticklullabies]

so, now that ive come to realize it probably wasn't my brother who did it, our relationship has changed.
its probably just me that realizes it but we talk more and im not afraid to be around him and hes actually really cool.
but sometimes im still a dick to him but now its because i resent him for, a lot of things but one of them is that he doesn't have to go through what im going through.
i feel this way towards other people too but
i dunno i dont want to feel that way,
first of all i dont want preconcieved notion that i'm worse off than other people and i dont want to carry around an assumption that no one else has ever gone though this because, well obviously more than one person has, (hence this site)
and i dont want to make myself out to be "a victim". in a sense i AM but i mean like.. yeah im a victim, but not the kind of victim thats gonna sulk the rest of his life about it. im a victim but im doing something about it so...im not a victim im a survivor.
haha oh hey that just clicked
okay no..i got that before, just.now.
k now im blabbing but uhh i guess my point is
that i wanna try and learn not to be so bitter expessially to my brother because ive wasted about two years of our relationship being afraid of him.
so if anyone has any nice little things to say to me that could help me thatd be nice.

but also i wanted to say that im really glad tha i have this site and you guys cause, i really dont have a n y o n e to talk to. cept my one friend chris is really awesome, but he doesn't know what its like so its still kinda hard to talk to him about a lot of things
so yeah i just wanted to say thanks cause youre the only guys i have.

//josh

 

[RICK57]

Josh - I always used to think that everyone else's life was better than mine! I thought everyone else just lived on milk and honey and had butterflys floating around their heads!

It's not like that!

Of the 3 friends that I first told about being abused, around 4 years ago (waited from 1969 to tell them & they were first).

No. 1/ His mother is a pure cow that always says he is after her money - she kicked him out when he was 17 because he wanted to live his own life and not replace his father who had just died (as man of the house, not a sexual thing). He's not interested in any money that may be there & now has his own detached house. Been through one divorce and his second wife had an affair (still with her though, they worked it out). May have some form of hereditary cancer, but latest tests are good.
No. 2/ Going through a second divorce now. Went to America to see an Aunt who was dying of cancer. When he got home, his wife had made an inventory of what the split would be when they got divorced (he didn't have a clue that she even wanted to split). 2 married Grandparents died shortly afterwards within 10 days of each other.
No. 3/ 2 grandparents died within a short-time frame of each other, after one had suffered with sever dementia. His mother aged about 10 years in one year. Father developed a severe liver infection and was hospitalised - now OK, but they didn't know for some time what the end result would be.

They are 3 of the people that support me, and I sometimes forget what they are going through, or could be going through!

We suffer, but others suffer too - they just suffer differently!

Best wishes ...Rik

 

[roadrunner]

Josh,

You have a lot going on right now, and I bet all the abuse issues are like a hurricane in your head. It's okay to be confused, and in fact I hope you will take things slowly as you try to figure things out. Small steady steps are the best ones.

About your brother, the important thing is that you see now that he did not hurt you. Just focus on what you two have now and try to build on that. You don't need to blame yourself for anything at all.

Much love,
Larry