big questions i feel like a shit

[markgreyblue]

hi -

i am in canada - a long the way a lot of questions have been coming to mind -

the structuring of me - my life - my agreement with myself - my identity - and finally understanding where i would like to and where i currently think will go -

but here are the questions -

cause they are multi fold - so i am am trying to present it cogently and not ask for like

the meaning of gay life -

i am seeing now that i am easy to arouse - yet -

i am also discerning what road to go down -


i see the butch little starbucks guy with the abercrombie t - and think ohh that's nice -

but really the mind is going beyond that now -

i have had enough sexual experience to at least

learn about being burnt enough times - and yes

enough boy friends to know - what i am liking and what i am not liking - what are the 'red flags' so far for me - etc...etc...

for me - as i do hope to be married someday -

the idea of meeting a man who has financially got his act together - and emotionally somewhat
too (shit always doeth happeneth)

- the phrase a twin is what some people have said

but no -
really - i want a guy who maybe has the similair interests - or at the very least can
respectfully live and support me in mine
as i can him -
and love him - through it ...
our lives together -


anyway - i am seeing men on the street and yes momentarily loosing consciousness to the great eros in the sky - and saying ...reow reow !!

but honestly i am pulling myself back and saying

mmm - no not really ..just a moment -

i am looking for a mate -

i don't know if i just go online and post something

like - 'looking to get married' -
or just 'dating and friendship'
to avoid any sense of pressure to
put on the replier - yeah that is a lot - but

whatever -

hey what do i do?

uh ok ttyl -

mark

 

[markgreyblue]

oh yeah - lol -

and the 4 irish guys who have touched or kissed me and been close to me -

it's been as if they can reach into
my secret box (let's call it pandora's shall we?) - no laughing - hehe

and it's like -
ok i amy your slave and
you get a ticket to wherever you want -

it's wild -

i can't explain it -

lunacy of the loins with them!! for me

m

 

Mark:

You are not a shit. You may feel like one. But you are not a shit.

You are blessed because you can always, always, always find a man to be with. But first...and here's the tricky part, you need to love the man you're with.

You need to love Mark!!!!

That is your biggest challenge right now. Start loving Mark, be good to him, and everything else will fall into place. I promise.

Relax...Be kind to yourself...Look in the mirror...tell Mark you'll love him and take care of him...Know you have friends right here.

Good night and God bless you!

Jasper

P.S. Do I make ANY sense at all?

 

[markgreyblue]

i think so -

ttyl

mark