Betrayed again, why not just kill me now

Betrayed again, why not just kill me now
B

batt

Registrant
My world has just ended. I am praying for the Lord to take me home right now.
I have found out that Holly is having an affair and has been since before our separation. What is even more devastating is I have found out that she is having this affair with her Pastor. This supposed man of God has destroyed my family. Holly went to him when our marital difficulties got to the point where she needed to talk to someone, she went for guidance and counseling, and he used his position to steal my wife and commit adultery. How could God let this happen. How can any good come of this. This man should not be preaching the Word of God. He is a sinner and should be in Hell. What do I do now? Somehow I have to go on for my daughters sake. She is moving in with me, because she knew about the affair and it has been tearing her up knowing and knowing who and yet not being able to tell me. She has seen my high hopes and knew that it could not be, but could not tell me. That is the reason she spent so little time with me, because she did not want to be torn about keeping the secret every time she was with me. God this man has destroyed me, my daughter and my marriage.

My biggest fear in all this is for Holly's soul. If she were to die suddenly today, tomorrow or next week and she is still living this sin, she will not be saved. Her soul will be condemned to Hell for all eternity. She can confess her sin to God and say she repents, but if she continues to commit adultery she will suffer in Hell. As much as she is hurting me, I do love her still and do not want to see her lost.
After much soul searching and praying, I have made a decision to talk with her tonight. I am going to tell her that I know everything but that I do forgive her. I am going to give her a choice (ulimatum?). I am going to tell her that if she ends the adultery now, confesses her sins and repents and comes home now so that we can begin anew and rebuild our marriage on the solid rock of Jesus Christ, I will keep this as private as possible. The only thing I will do is a private grievence with the Pastor's superiors. IF she does not agree and continues in this adulterous relationship, then I will make a formal grievence with the church, I will file a lawsuit against the Pastor for "alienation of affection" and in this state adultery is still a criminal offense and I will file criminal charges against the Pastor. I am willing for us to get counseling. I have forgiven her and am willing to start fresh with a clean slate and a new spirit. But I can not let this continue. This is having a devastating effect on our daughter. My daughter says it hurts her so much to see me hoping and standing for my marriage while she knows what my wife is doing. Holly coming home would be best for our daughter as well. I do believe that if we can get through this trial, our marriage will be a hundredfold better as the Lord has promised.

God, betrayal seems to be what my life has always been about.

Wayne
 
Wayne
Your faith in your god seems astonishing in the circumstances.
Have as much faith in yourself.
Be strong
Lloydy
 
Wayne,

I am so sorry to hear fo your betrayal by both your wife and your pastor. Humans are frail and we do stupid and hurtfull things. I have prayed that God will strengthen you and give Holly the wisdom to make the right choice. I hope this painful situation is healed for you soon.

Ken
 
Batt,

I understand your pain. My father was a priest and left us for the church.
I was thinking perhaps giving your wife an ultimatum may not be the best decision. Sometimes ultimatums can make people more stubborn. Maybe phrasing your talk with your wife in a way that sounds more like concern for her rather than how you feel or what you want. Tell her you are concerned for her soul and that you pray everyday she will ask God for forgiveness. Tell her your door is always open. These are just my thoughts. I wish you well.

illigitime non carborundum, (sue the bastards)

Jack
 
Batt,
Don't do what I would want to do..light him up...Jack has the best idea..Sue him...he was a care giver...man of god...or what ever he may be..she went for his help and he was the head of her church..."CARE GIVER" !!!!!...take your oldlady back and hang on to her!

Eddie
 
Thank you all for your prayers and caring. Well, I went over to talk with Holly last night. I did not give her the ulimatum. I did tell her I know about the affair with the Pastor. I told her I was afraid for her eternal soul because of the sin she and he are living. I told her that I forgive her and love her very much and would like for her to come home so that we can begin with a fresh hearts and clean spirits and to build our marriage on the solid rock of Jesus Christ. I did tell her I wanted her to end the affair and she agreed to end it. He is in England until next week but she said she would tell him the next time he calls her. I told her that I also forgave him but I still did not believe he should be preaching the word of God or ministering to a congregation. I spent almost two hours just speaking love and tenderness. No anger, no jelousy, just love and forgiveness. She was crying quite a bit, but I think she was very surprised that I was not angry and yelling. I prayed with her for her savation and deliverence from the demonic spirits, especcially lust and fear. I just need now to give her time and give the Lord time to work in her.
I am going to see the pastor when he comes back. I am going to suggest that he take a leave of absense to work on his relationship with God and to confess and repent his sins. I will also tell him that I have forgiven him, though it is hard, but that I may not be so forgiving if he ever lays a hand on my wife again. I will not do anything publicly unless I have to. This man just should not be preaching or ministering right now. Maybe after he gets right with our Lord again, but not now. If I let this go, who might he do this to next. I don't want any other families to be hurt by him if I can prevent it.
I hope that with some time to think and consider, Holly will come to see that my words and actions last night were guided by the Holy Spirit within me and that God has worked many miraculous changes in me. I pray the Gods Will be done.
Your brother in Christ
Wayne
 
Well, now I am a little saddened.
My daughter got home from school a little while ago. She said she went to see Holly early this morning before Holly went to work. I guess they talked a little bit about last night. Anyway, Holly told her that she is not coming home. She told her that she has heard to many people say they love and they changed and they just don't. She told my daughter that she was to old to take this chance. She also told her that I changed to quickly, that if it had been more gradual she may have believed it more. All I can do is give it time. Hopefully that fear will recede and she will believe my changes. I am crying again.
Did I do the right thing. I was so adamant that I was going to give the ultimatum before I got to her place, why didn't I. Would it have made things worse, or would she be home today.

Lord I pray that I did the right thing. I believe it was You who was guiding my words and actions, but Holly's words today seem as if they are for naught. I pray this fear in her fades to nothingness and she can listen to Your Words and promises. I pray Almight Father Your Will be done.
Wayne
 
Wayne
The ultimatum ?? whatever you did at the time was right, don't look back with regret, but learn from your experience.
Look forward, don't ask "why didn't I ?" ask "what can I do next ?"

Be strong Wayne.
Lloydy
 
Wayne,

Gentleness and love are not wrong or weak. Don't let your anger and hurt get in the way of the gentle spirit you have. You not have to let yourself be hurt but you don't have to hurt others to protect yourself. It sounds likeyou are walking the right path. Continue to be strong and remeber your daughter is watching how you handle this.

Ken
 
I guess the only real good thing about all this situation with my wife leaving, at least I have learned why I was like I was for so many years. Why I was so afraid to get to close to her or anyone else. Why I always wanted to control and was angry when I did not have it or just angry over stupid little things. Why sex has always been a fearful thing. Hell, even with my wife, I was sometimes afraid. I guess I got fearful when she wanted to control the sex and those ugly memories would try to leak out and I would get really frightened and want to pull away from her. I would say no, if she would want to initiate sex. God, how much I hurt her and caused her so much pain. I couldn't fill her needs because I would run and hide when we got to close and I needed to trust. Trust has always been something very dificult for me to give. I know it is not my fault. God, I have such anger and and disgust for those who did this to me. I would almost be willing to go to hell just so I could watch them suffer for eternity. I want my life back, I want my wife back, I want my family back. Why is that I had to lose everything before I could learn and start to heal.

Wayne
 
Hi Batt:

I read your posts regarding your tough time. It really breaks my heart to see the pain you have. Betrayal by a pastor/priest is a real bad thing.

I was abused by Catholic clergy as a boy. My personal motto in life as a result became I trust no one and no one trusts me. My second was I touch no one and no one touches me. Distancing for all of us as survivors I think is a big thing. I have almost lost my wife and family a few times because I can't let go at times. Your posts are very real to me. I hope you can hang in and things get better.

I also believe that God did not "let" that Pastor wreck things, the frigging pastor did an evil thing to you and your family. He has to carry the weight of his hurt on his hands I feel for preying on you and your wife. My mom had an affair with a priest when I was about ten and my family turned to dust in front of my eyes. I ended up in the hands of the Christian brothers but I don't blame God any more cause I am not letting the perps off with a free pass. I can say that as I get older peace comes a bit more in my life with each passing year.

I hope good things happen for you and I really appreciate your courage to post what you did.

Sincerely, Ross
 
Wayne,
I was reading through the postings and came upon yours. It really pushed some buttons with me.
I had the same problem of being afraid of sex, even with my wife. It was very tough on her and we have separated twice, but gotten back together both times. We love each other very much. I hope we can keep loving one another. I feel very sad for you, and I hope that you will find some good in this very heart-breaking situation.
Try not to hate. It's like poisoning yourself. Don't wish anyone was in Hell. That frame of mind will be having you experiencing Hell here on Earth. You don't need that. Most of all, try as hard as you can not to blame yourself for any of this. We all do. I do it all the time, so I'm being hypocritical telling YOU not to! But TRY not to. Great pain can often bring us great lessons. Don't let hate or self-blame cause you to miss the lesson. It might be a really great one. It might be about finding joy and a sense of self-worth. Look for it. It's hidiing there somewhere.
 
As I read this stuff I can't believe how well you are handling all of it. I know you probably feel like it's all falling apart, but I look up to you as you have continually done the right thing and nothing you will regret later. Your entire support system is under attack and you haven't done one regretfull thing. If this is a test your getting 100 percent. I have a strong faith in God to and when everything falls apart for me it is the one thing that holds everything together. As for that preacher, pray for him a lot, forgive him and read Luke 12:48-49 every time you feel the sting of what he did to you:

And that servant who knew his master's will, but did not make ready or act according to his will, shall receive a severe beating. But he who did not know, and did what deserved a beating, shall receive a light beating. Every one to whom much is given, of him will much be required; and of him to whom men commit much they will demand the more.

I belong to a prayer group also and when ever anyone is under the kind of incomprehensible attack that you are, they fast. I know that might sound unusual, but you are being tested right now, and tempted. Remember that Jesus fasted for 40 days and nights and the Devil couldn't touch him. That is the best possible advice I can give you although some non-religious members might not understand. If you do fast you will be blown away by the results, trust me. I see your immense pain, but I think your actions are kicking butt and I will remember this when if I ever go through anything like this. I congratulate you again for the way you are handling it. Hang in there.
 
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