Being told what to do
Being told what to do
- Thread starteronlyakid
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Mike Church
Registrant
For years I had difficulty with authority. Well I hated it. If someone tried to exert control over me I went ballistic. To the point where I would imagine control. As an example a friend or my wife would say. Lets go to Hamilton this weekend. I read it as " You are telling me what to do and nobody does that". I am still having some problems but it is getting better, although I can still be rather abrupt.
reality2k4
Registrant
Control can be a trigger for me, I had to control so many emotions so far back as a kid, it was like a second skin to me.
Trouble is, it turned itself around, and now I do almost anything they want, but if they go too far, and start trying to control me, I still get triggered. Can't really win,
ste
Trouble is, it turned itself around, and now I do almost anything they want, but if they go too far, and start trying to control me, I still get triggered. Can't really win,
ste
Obedience is a spiritual virtue. But it is only virtuous when it is willingly chosen. We can choose obedience to a respected individual for the sake of education or service to a cause. The ability to suborn our ego to the will of another while maintaining our own identity is a learned skill. If we cannot obey, even when cooperation is in our best interest, then we are crippled.
We should never obey blindly, but we all need to understand the value of subordination. There are rules that need to be followed and wise people from whom we could learn. There are also bad people and cruel laws. The discriminating adult chooses obedience or rejects it, according to his personal values. Abused children dont have a choice and grow into adults who dont know how to make that choice.
My mom still nags me. But long ago I taught her that she had no power. Now she keeps it to a minimum. I put up with her lapses because she is my mom. One can love and be disobedient at the same time.
Aden
We should never obey blindly, but we all need to understand the value of subordination. There are rules that need to be followed and wise people from whom we could learn. There are also bad people and cruel laws. The discriminating adult chooses obedience or rejects it, according to his personal values. Abused children dont have a choice and grow into adults who dont know how to make that choice.
My mom still nags me. But long ago I taught her that she had no power. Now she keeps it to a minimum. I put up with her lapses because she is my mom. One can love and be disobedient at the same time.
Aden
In my case, I know it has to do with the abuse I experienced.
For me, its about safety and trust.
I was boxed in by everyone's expectations for me and I was/am threatened by anyone's potential for turning on me, seeming fine to begin with but betraying me behind my back. I've called it "tricking me." I have not failed to notice that that way of putting it may seem child-like.
For me, its about safety and trust.
I was boxed in by everyone's expectations for me and I was/am threatened by anyone's potential for turning on me, seeming fine to begin with but betraying me behind my back. I've called it "tricking me." I have not failed to notice that that way of putting it may seem child-like.
I think Aden and the others put it very well.
I do and don't have a problem with people telling me what to do.
I do not have a problem with my boss telling what to do and how to do it. That is my job and that is my place. My boss will tell me to do something and I will do it without question (as long as it is legal and moral, which hasn't been a problem). She will comment on why I don't complain about it like the others, my response is that is my job.
I have a problem with people telling me what to do for their personal wants. I really had a problem with my first wife telling me to make her dinner after I had been working 14 hours in the sweltering heat and dust and she had been playing with her friends all day.
I have a problem with people telling me what to do because they know better than me. They may, but a suggestion or friendly advice may be more suited. Mothers and wives are good for that. They may have the best intentions, still it is the telling that rubs me the wrong way.
I tend to believe it is a bit of human nature and upbringing that leads us to have problems with people telling them what to do. I was raised in a family of management and private business owners, where the ethic is to do a good job and move things forward and believe that it is an employees job to make his boss look good and make the company money (or give the tax payers some efficency for their tax dollars), which is why I don't have problems with my boss telling me what to do. I have friends that were raised in union households and feel that the bosses have no right to tell them what to do. That is the upbringing. The human nature part is our free will, which in this country and the fine one north of us (and other fine ones) is allowed to be exercised. Our free will lets us want things and want to make our own decisions.
In my honest opinion the problem of not liking to be told what to do isn't a SA thing, but may be amplified by it. I also think it is always worst when we feel we don't have any choice in the matter and have little control in our personal lives.
I do and don't have a problem with people telling me what to do.
I do not have a problem with my boss telling what to do and how to do it. That is my job and that is my place. My boss will tell me to do something and I will do it without question (as long as it is legal and moral, which hasn't been a problem). She will comment on why I don't complain about it like the others, my response is that is my job.
I have a problem with people telling me what to do for their personal wants. I really had a problem with my first wife telling me to make her dinner after I had been working 14 hours in the sweltering heat and dust and she had been playing with her friends all day.
I have a problem with people telling me what to do because they know better than me. They may, but a suggestion or friendly advice may be more suited. Mothers and wives are good for that. They may have the best intentions, still it is the telling that rubs me the wrong way.
I tend to believe it is a bit of human nature and upbringing that leads us to have problems with people telling them what to do. I was raised in a family of management and private business owners, where the ethic is to do a good job and move things forward and believe that it is an employees job to make his boss look good and make the company money (or give the tax payers some efficency for their tax dollars), which is why I don't have problems with my boss telling me what to do. I have friends that were raised in union households and feel that the bosses have no right to tell them what to do. That is the upbringing. The human nature part is our free will, which in this country and the fine one north of us (and other fine ones) is allowed to be exercised. Our free will lets us want things and want to make our own decisions.
In my honest opinion the problem of not liking to be told what to do isn't a SA thing, but may be amplified by it. I also think it is always worst when we feel we don't have any choice in the matter and have little control in our personal lives.
Bill,
That makes alot of sense to me!! I agree. When an authority issue arises with me, and it is somebody who is in my opinion unauthorized to do so, or whom I feel is abusive, whether or not it is at me, or others, I tend to put it up against my abuse and "measure" it's value or merit, so I can justify my reaction.
I will do that with other things in my life, good or bad, but it usually rears it's ugly head when I have an argument with my wife, and I seem to "lose the argument". I feel it undermines my position as head of household, and it is her attempt to keep me beneath her. I maybe imagining that part, but it seems that way. This is good material for my T and I to work on.
Thanks for the insight.
peace,
estuardo