Being stalked (TRIGGERS!)

Being stalked (TRIGGERS!)
C

crisispoint

Registrant
Another of my mistakes is coming back to haunt me.

During a period of "acting out," I used the internet to cruise for men. This didn't end well on most occasions, but a guy from New York sounded nice and we exhanged telephone numbers. Then, the warning signs went off, and I just stopped contacting him.

This happened over a YEAR ago, and he occasionally called and left messages. I deleted them. I haven't called him back since. You'd figure he's get the message right? Wrong. I got another call from him this morning.

It's so easy to find out other information on the internet and wherever, I'm getting real paranoid now. I know NOTHING about this guy, nor do I have any intention of meeting him, but he's not stopped, and it's setting me off. That, and some other stuff I'm dealing with.

I'm posting this on public because I'm wondering if anyone ever had been stalked, even in their own mind (after all, this could be my overstimulated imagination). How did you deal with feeling like you're always under threat? What if it gets really bad?

Dammit, I put this stuff away, and yet again, something else kicks it to the front!

Scot

P.S. This isn't something I'm proud of. I'm toroughly disgusted with it now, and it's just another example of my lowlife behavior.
 
Scot,
I've definitely been in your shoes. Go easy on yourself. You didn't commit any crimes here. So please ease up on the disgust and anger. Not only is it unfair to yourself, I suspect it's contibuting to the angst you're feeling.

I have been in similar situations, particularly when I was first struggling to become sexually sober and quit having affairs. The answer was an honest discussion and coming clean with my situation. I simply explained that I was trying to be monogomous for my own sanity. That I was working to overcome the effects of childhood sexual abuse that partially drove me to this acting out. That my continued involvement in our affair was a sign of my own poor mental health, and that I needed to stop as a step to get healthy. I told her about how I had often been out of control in the way I behaved, and that I was seeking help. And perhaps most importantly I apologized because I had involved her in my problems under the pretext of looking for some "harmless fun." You may be amazed at how powerful an honest discussion can be.

It's possible the person you're dealing with will be freaked out because they think a child abuse survivor is probably a wacko and they're a bit afraid. They may be hostile, which I suppose is somewhat understandable. Or, they may begin to think about their own reasons for getting involved with this type of activity. And it can be a really moving experience. I brought at least one person into a recovery program this way after we met when I was seriously close to slipping.

I don't know exactly the details of the situation, and obviously you don't want to expose yourself to him more if he's threatening you. You refer to "warning signs," and I don't know what that means. But if he's simply calling, you may want to at least explain what's going on in an e-mail to this person, take the steam out of the situation for him, and let him know that you're sorry you led him along and some of the pain you're going through in trying to stop this behavior. And having a phone conversation may be another good way to end this. Honesty is a powerful weapon.

Take care,
Dan
 
I disagree completely with Dan88. Don't talk to this guy or explain anything. Like the guy I've been posting about in the locker-room sex post who just wants to jakeoff in public. I keep telling myself to get away from this person as much as possible.
Sean
 
Hello Scot,
you put some interesting issues here.
First of all modern world is very small and connected. It is so easy to find information almost about everyone/anything on the net. Last year I exchanged few mails with one guy from Texas. I went on Internet and I found address and telephone number of this guy (not to mention map with instructions how to drive to his home!).
At first I was very surprised but then I realized that this is something normal today.
Regarding that New York guy, you shouldn't worry to much (if he is just occasionally leaving messages), he will sooner or later stop bothering you, and I mean: what can he really do to you against your will?

The worst thing in your situation is that you are feeling fear and unsafe. This is not good. You should somehow find the way to deal with it.

Ivo
 
Scot
if he calls from the same phone every time can your phone company put a bar on that number?

If not ignore him, and hope he'll get the message.

Dave
 
Scot,

I have had my life mimicked right back at me. That is rather strange experience.

A friend of mine, has had one of his abusers call him repeatedly. Through confrontation with this man, those calls have stopped. But it terrified him.

I would agree, to put block on his phone number. And ignore any other attempts he makes to contact you. Please take care of yourself and keep yourself safe.

Leosha
 
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