being saved by unexpected help of others


if you check the history of my posts you will know i am in a difficult spot. I am existing close to the boiling point almost all of the time.
Today i realized my coworkers are helping me to not lose the job.. Being under abuse for decades of my life i just.. can't recognize when people really help me, it's something which makes me cry.

IDK how to say it, I am a mess now, but there are strangers who decided to be my guardian angels and try to protect me by giving their time and support, i guess because they see how close i am to f*k-it-all blow up...

is this how normal people experience life? I am shocked realising they really try to protect me - it's something i never ever received from my family to say the least.


I think sometimes people do wonderful things.
I also think you deserve it.
Enjoy the fact that there are others who care about u.
there are many here who do as well.
You are loved Sand!


IDK but I will say my last job I was really messed up (drugs). It was what I'd consider a hostile environment but that was more me than the others? My trauma filter or the trauma shell didn't really let me see reality.

Anyway they saved my job multiple times and I want to say I.was the white straight guy at this job and I was the minority. They knew I was messed up because of something.

But we never know do we? Not all of them wanted to save me? It was unskilled but highly paid so the competition for the spot was feirce.

But some of them did and I owe them to say it, just to put it out there. There is always some good, even in that horror show.
It is hard to see anything clearly when we're trapped in our own drama/trauma story. Rather, like a person who's had too much to drink and interprets everyone's comment and expressions as hostile, we don't see straight about anything. As I've stepped a bit out of that story I'd cultivated for decades, I discovered that there are some nice people in the world who harbor no ill will toward me. It seems you've encountered a few of those folks who not only harbor no ill will, but are willing to lend a hand to a fellow who is suffering. What a gift. I'm glad you've been given this gift SS. We can all use a break from time to time. Be gentle with yourself even as you're grateful with them.


sand ...

Take their support for what it is ... concern for a good person.

Clearly they appreciate you and don't want to see you fail ... at work and at home.
If you weren't of value to them and the job they'd ignore you and let you crash and burn.

Caution ...
If I may .... a little advice.
I've been there.

Don't take advantage of their kindness ... or worse yet ... don't take them for granted.
That's very very easy to do.
Try to be relatively stoic but not unapproachable.
If you're aware of something you might not be doing right ... fix it.
It's a two way street sand ...
If you don't try your best ... why should they?
Be genuine ... be yourself ... because that's who they like.

I hope I haven't overstepped my bounds.

((( sand )))

Go home and cry all you want.
Those are old tears bud ... let them out.
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