Being Public
I was wondering what you guys thought of being public?
This week I mentioned my childhood assault on Facebook.
It was empowering, just before I clicked Post I saw myself so clearly.
I’ve received a lot of support for having done it. Which has been awesome.
But I also have examine my urge to be public.
I am just thinking out loud, but I think the compulsion is driven by the nature of that first trauma.
That assault didn’t happen in private. It wasn’t behind closed doors. In was in front of all the kids waiting for school buses to take them home. My twin sister was with 25 feet with a clear view. I was around those same kids for years. It’s no wonder really don’t knew any of them. I pulled back, stayed distant and anxious.
It’s the humiliation and shame that stung then and has molded my life. I tend to minimize, so I am tempted to ponder if I would have been traumatized had it happened alone in the woods. But that is a question that leads nowhere.
Somehow, I wonder if being drawn to sharing publicly is a custom mixed tonic against the shame?
This week I mentioned my childhood assault on Facebook.
It was empowering, just before I clicked Post I saw myself so clearly.
I’ve received a lot of support for having done it. Which has been awesome.
But I also have examine my urge to be public.
I am just thinking out loud, but I think the compulsion is driven by the nature of that first trauma.
That assault didn’t happen in private. It wasn’t behind closed doors. In was in front of all the kids waiting for school buses to take them home. My twin sister was with 25 feet with a clear view. I was around those same kids for years. It’s no wonder really don’t knew any of them. I pulled back, stayed distant and anxious.
It’s the humiliation and shame that stung then and has molded my life. I tend to minimize, so I am tempted to ponder if I would have been traumatized had it happened alone in the woods. But that is a question that leads nowhere.
Somehow, I wonder if being drawn to sharing publicly is a custom mixed tonic against the shame?