being hurt as an adult

being hurt as an adult
M

michael Joseph

Registrant
I was on the chat the other day, and I was upset over something that happen a few years a go with someone who pretended to be my friend to get what he really was looking for. To be sexual with me.

It is one thing to be hurt as a child, but for someone to know you are a survivor and use my past to hurt me in my early 40s. That is just putting salt in my wound. I do not talk about this much and it just built up. I was very upset.
When someone hurts me they do just that.

any words of wisdom please!!!!

Larry david mark ect anyone.

I was hurt as an adult several times, and I do know being bi polar makes things even harder for me.
 
m j does anything hurt as much as betrayl of your trust ? dont matter if your 40 or 14 it hurts the same. i think to a survivor trust is the most valuable thing you can give and when its abused yes it hurts even more for a survivor cause we swore we would never trust again .you tuusted and got hurt again thats the worst kind of hurt ,dont know if this will help at all ,but hope your doing ok adam
 
Some times you have to be frank with people that try and harm you . and tell them that what they did was inapropate . and You will not stand for that !!
 
Hey MJ

I am really sorry this has happened to you. As a survivor we all have issues with trust and when its betrayed it really cuts us to the core. Its a sad fact that some people in this world are ready use people for their own needs without any regard for their feelings and there always will be.

I agree with okie mike. You have to be strong in setting your boundries and letting people know when they have crossed the line. Your are important and deserve to have people treat you with respect and consideration.

Take care

Craig
 
shadow the point is too many hurt me already,
16 or more total, I did not need someone saying nice things to me and being nice and then turn and be sexual when I am depressed. He was not a friend, and I wish I would have had a warning.

Thanks for the toughts, but it is easy to say things after the fact and it doesnt help me much now. At 44 I do not think it will happen, I am smart enough to come up with the ideas presented.
I have had years of therapy. I know all about boundries. When someone does something and has not led you to believe something sexual will happen then it does. And each of us deals with that type of situation differently. He used my past to hurt me. That is not a friend, and if you do not know much about bi-polar look it up.

I saw a post somewhere where he said something to me nice and supportive, later he tried something with me and by the time it happened it was too late. I am not going into detail, this is about seeing the post and being upset over it. Not the origional thing a few years back.
 
Michael,

I think one thing we have to realize is that no matter how old we are, the issues that messed us up as boys still have the power to do so again as long as they remain unresolved. And even if we think we have figured them out and dealt with them, the challenge of keeping good boundaries is always with us.

But Michael, there's a difference between saying "I am responsible for what I do as an adult", and saying "I am to blame for whatever happens to me, now that I am an adult." The bootom line here is that a betrayal of trust is a betrayal of trust. And who is at fault for that? One person only - the one who let us down.

We need to understand that such betrayals happen to many people, not just us as survivors. All we can do is what others do - learn our lessons and move forward, without tearing ourselves up in blame and guilt.

You are a good man, Michael. Remember that.

Much love,
Larry
 
I didnt want lectures, I only need help with when u r triggered be something and it upsets me, the situation is not part of the problem.

Repeat:

I was triggered by a post from a ex-friend who hurt me, end of story. THE INFO WAS TO HELP YOU UNDERSTAND, and the problem was how I was feeling not what happened in 2004 what happened the last two days. No more talk of the event how do I deal with the feelings ect. how do I redirect myself. None of the posts are helping.

this was one time in my life and I AM BIPOLAR
it does not help being mentally ill if you know nothing about it read a bit on it.

The posts I have gotten are about something else do not read into it. I wanted help and I did not want all this, I learned from what happened.

Please try to leave posts about being getting out of the depression the abuse and memory of it puts us in. I am sorry I even told you what happened in 2004. Since noone here was with me you do not know what happened. And you can not tell me what I need to do, I am 44 and I can take care of myself. If you were raped what would you do. Each situation is different, and I want helpful messages. So if they are not helpful I will explain why.
 
does bi -polar mean you can be mean to people who try to help you?
 
Michael -

I am sorry to be so long to respond to this -

I have been 'mid move' - and also
quite emotional and stressed -
and upset for my own issues -

ask steve - i cried a bunch.
as I did this morning.
I still have much to do -
I'm here!

sometimes too
for my state of mind -
- the posts - are too much to open even. for the title -

but i will say this about your experience -

it is an act - that is commited by a perp -

in my view -

there are very bad people out there -

we all must be careful.

- mark
 
deep inside let it out let out
all the silent anger trapped in there

If you had a friend who later hurt you how would you feel? and then I work on it for a long time and then more time, and I see a post from him.
It hurt to see a nice post from him when I thought he cared, but he didnt care I was his next victim.


deep deep let it out
let it out
rage
pain
hate
kill the demon inside hurting the child
love the child
love the child
love the child everyday
 
Michael
I know what happened, and it was very wrong. I can't begin to imagine how much it must have affected and upset you.

The important thing is that you are dealing with it, ok it might be a few years down the line but here you are facing what happened and trying to make some sense out of that event.

That's got to be good Michael, the old cliche of "better late that never" surely applies.
To me it shows your strength, you aren't burying this horrible experience in the vain hope it will go away. How many of us have tried that eh?

Does 'burying' the crap work? no it doesn't, well not for long anyway. Sometime we have to confront the crap.

The betrayal you experienced was dreadful, survivors come here and expect to find help and support, and 99% of the time we do. But when it goes bad it's a double betrayal.
By coming here we do expose ourselves as potentially vulnerable people, after all it was our childhood vulnerability that our abusers picked up on and exploited. Many of us carried that vulnerability with us into adulthood, that is inevitable.

The predators know that strong and 'normal' people aren't safe for them to target, they know exactly who to target - the vulnerable, so they seek them out.
I think most people here would agree that sex isn't the most important thing on the abusers mind. Most abuse is the abuse of power with sex as the weapon of choice, sex is a pleasure and for the inadequate abusers so is exercising power over another another person, so why not mix the two together.

So they seek us out, and it's inevitable that predators will find their way onto this and other survivor sites, and I can honestly say that MS still does a better job that the others in keeping them out.
But someone did get through and target you Michael.

Think back to what your response was though.
I seem to remember that it was a robust and positive one from you, or at least far stronger than you are now giving yourself credit for.

Michael, you have more strength and resilience in your little toe than that predator had in his whole body, you did nothing wrong.
Behind your gentleness there lies a stronger man that you see. He's there rooting for you, a young boy called Micky.

Dave
 
I didnt ask for it that is for sure, I just didnt think I would read something he wrote. I know I will be ok, I told my therapist when it happened and we worked on this for a year at least. The the stuff happened with my wife, but what happened with him lead to some of what happened with her.
 
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