being honest with women? TW

being honest with women? TW
Myself, I would just avoid the discussion at this point.
I find misandry too triggering to be rational about it at this stage, and with misandry being openly celebrated and statements like "all women have endured male abuse", or "male desire is destructive", being not just challenged, but actively praised, I doubt I could argue in a reasonable fashion even for equality, indeed at one point a feminist told me that the notion of desiring equitable treatment for both sexes was "A male bias."

These days, I try to just avoid the discussion as much as humanly possible, which isn't easy in fields like writing book reviews or pretty much going anywhere online, since casual misandry and stigmatisation of men has become a part of the cultural landscape.

For example, I saw a youtube video on the differences between books and films the other day, which quite casually mentioned "the destructive desire all men have for women to be submissive", this quite casually, in passing while discussing an entirely unrelated subject, the way they might mention that the earth revolves around the sun or nothing can exceed the speed of light, just as a background constant law of nature.

On the rare occasions I actually interact with people, if I run up against casual misandry, I'm liable to just go quiet, and incredibly stiff and drop the conversation or change the subject.
If it gets too bad I've been known to physically walk out of the room, such as an occasion before covid in which one woman very loudly told a room full of people at an actor's workshop that "all women have endured abuse", and that "all men were abusive."

I've even walked out in the middle of monologues or performances if the "poor abused women", narrative is pushed too stringently.

That one actually got the instructor's attention, and later, when making a reference to the monologue he very clearly said "any person who has endured sexual abuse, male or female", since I think it was probably blindingly obvious why I suddenly crashed out of the room.

Both of those occasions were also without my lady, who frankly makes things easier, indeed it has happened that occasions I've stiffened up and threatened to walk out, she's been the one to step in and actually point out that yes, men do endure sexual abuse and yes, women can be abusive.
Indeed, given the current climate, it's likely that as a woman, she's the only person who can and be likely to be heard and not automaticaly dismissed as a misogynist, IE anyone who doesn't agree with the current "women good, men bad", cultural narrative.

Then again, fortunately outside the internet, media, the news and pretty much any mass communication, such blatant and in your face misandry is rarer, at least in Britain, unfortunately, mass communication and the media is pretty much the only contact I have with people these days anyway, , and I will confess it incredibly hurts when my life long ambition to write is being directly stifled by the brainlessly misandric scum brigade charge of publishing at the moment.

So basically yes, my best advice for being honest with women at the moment, is essentially avoid it unless you're very very sure that a woman actually wants! your honesty.

it can happen, it happened to me with my lady, but unless you're very very sure that your not dealing with another brainwashed product of the "men=toxic" era, just stick to your own corner.

My lady is hopeful this current obsession will eventually run it's course, like the McCarthy era of America, since she's convinced it can't stay at this intensively insane pitch for too long, indeed she lets me know when looking through recent book publications, if she finds just normal romances, crime novels or relationship fiction (none of which I tend to read), that deals with fairly standard decent men and ordinary; sometimes even unpleasant or abusive, women, without banging on the "all men are evil", drum.

She's convinced that people are growing sick of the current overt messaging and things will calm down, pointing to the failure of so many recent fictional universes with overtly misandric rewrites such as starwars, which have gone down the tubes after torpedoing previously beloved male icons like Luke Skywalker in favour of overtly pushing characters whose chief defining trait is! simply being female and amazing.

Whether she's correct, I'm not sure, but at this point I'm just growing tired of the hole thing.

Indeed, I've noticed that my brother, who doesn't have my baggage, having not been sexually abused, cheerfully laughs off misandry, then again, he's got the thing I haven't, an environment where he's respected for, and indeed incredibly good at what he does, and his talents are valued, so he's standing on a more stable ground than I am. Maybe if I had that, I'd be content to dismiss misandry as just obsessive idiocy I don't know and not let it bother me, heck maybe if I had that I'd be able to be rational about the subject.

As it is, I'm just tired! Tired of being labeled as evil, tired of all the things I heard as a teenager being reinforced, tired of having nothing! Tired of trying things that don't work.

heck, I'm tired of every time I contemplate posting on this board it just turning into the same old fucking thing over and over again, which is why I don't post much these days, since I've really got nothing much to say.

Okay, that's probably enough, but this should explain why I basically steer clear of misandry, and why I'm fucking tired of the constant woman worship that's always getting rammed down my throat.
Wow, I can relate to this post. My abuse included being told how much I was hated by females, and it made it even more complicated. Ugh
Wow, I can relate to this post!
 
@TryingtoHeal, that does make sense.
As I said on the previous page, for me, verbal insults became almost a background, I grew literally deaf to them since they were such a daily occurrence, indeed it got to the point where I liked verbal insults, since verbal insults I could simply ignore, indeed maybe that's why the current misandric era is one I find so triggering I don't know, all that anger I didn't feel as a teenager coming back to bight me 25 years later, then again, now, just like then there isn't much to be done.

The men hating women and their sycophants seem to represent a large faction who are in charge of not just a large amount of mass media and communications, but also depute who even gets to voice a public opinion.
Not that I think there's a literal conspiracy or single group or anything like that, but it's amazing how many people in the writing industry start by specifying misandry as a given, and how few opportunities there are for anyone to object to this viewpoint, after all, if you don't like it your a misoginist!

Frankly at this stage I'm giving up on having any effect on the world or the people around me at all.

Hacuna matata, It's like simba said in the Lion king: "bad things happen, and there's nothing you can do about it, so why worry!"

Or to quote temone: When the world turns it's back on you, you turn your back on the world.
 
I've noticed I feel very uncomfortable being honest about the male experience (and misandry) even to women I'm closest to. I think it's the fear of their reactions. I noticed I avoid conversations with women I don't know, to the extent of sitting as far away from them as I can in public (restaurants, etc). Quite often when I've tried to advocate for myself (and men) I get verbally attacked, and a couple of times it was physical. Just wonder if what, if anything, I can do?
 
I've noticed I feel very uncomfortable being honest about the male experience (and misandry) even to women I'm closest to. I think it's the fear of their reactions. I noticed I avoid conversations with women I don't know, to the extent of sitting as far away from them as I can in public (restaurants, etc). Quite often when I've tried to advocate for myself (and men) I get verbally attacked, and a couple of times it was physical. Just wonder if what, if anything, I can do?
I totally agree. I was sadistically abused as a per-adolescent by a woman that lived with us. It caused me alot of addiction problems. When I went to a female cdounselor she didn't believe me because it was a female. It has taken me years to overcome that, because a lot of the abuse consisted of telling me all females hated me. I find it has become a political issue these days so I don't even go there.
 
tbh, I'm not into point scoring arguing. If you're getting into a dialogue like that it's an argument that is Ta waste of time.
I agree. Individuals do things. There are sick people in the world, along with healthy people. And they are of both sexes.
 
I used to argue with females about the plight of men and abused boys. I've heard it all: Men being raped is good for them to understand what women go through. Same with boys bring raped or molested. Or even boys can't be molested period (told this by a female therapist). Women can't rape or molest anyone. Men can't be raped by anyone. And on and on. It's disgusting that we are not heard. And if you point any of this out you're labeled misogynistic. Then I express to my own mother this is why I don't trust women. And she only says "I didn't raise you to hate women". I don't hate women. I just don't trust them. I've been abused by my grandmother, mother emotionally and step mother and ex-wife sexually. I recently had a relationship with someone whom left because she wasn't having the sex with me she wanted because I wasn't ready. I was told this was not the same as men wanting sex in a relationship. This is why I stay single. I'm tired of the stereotype that men always want sex and can't say no. I could never say no to my ex-wife, she is a sex addict. When I finally got the courage to say no she cheated on me. I've been told, of course, this was somehow my fault. I was told "not getting sex is not the same as expecting sex". Which isn't true. I don't think I'll ever fully trust women, they don't respect my boundaries.
 
@Khabeni, that attitude is understandable.

Prior to this current era where misandry starts as a bedrock assumption, I'd have said that making friends, before starting a relationship with a woman is possible, and through friendship you can introduce the idea that women can be abusers.

With my lady I was lucky; in a great many ways, since she didn't start with any of those assumptions, having worked at a counselling centre and already encountered male survivors and abusive women. Similarly, when our friendship turned to a relationship and I was suffering genophobia, she was more than happy to wait if that was what it took, though as it happened little waiting was necessary.

I will say talking things over with her, even reading Alex comforts' joy of sex together helped a lot, indeed she probably knows more of my abuse history even down to physical details than anyone, but obviously we had to get to that point, and getting there wasn't easy.

We were also lucky in meeting in 2014 before this me too shitstorm landed, since I don't know what would've happened now, heck if my genophobia had continued I'm not sure where I'd be now without her.

Again, prire to this era the method of just treating women fairly seemed to work out a lot,
Luke.
 
Most people are capable of sympathy, which means it has to be relatable to their own understanding. Few people are capable of compassion, which means that you try to understand the sufferings of everyone. There is a reason why religious figures that had claim to be compassionate stand out. They were able to have compassion even when it seemed incredibly difficult.

Unfortunately, a lot of people pretrnd to be compassionate while barely knowing what that means.
 
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