Being abused as a bisexual man TRIGGER WARNING

FallenAtlasLiam

Registrant
TRIGGER WARNING-

I have been sex*ally abused, [email protected], and sex trafficked more times than I can count. I have been abused by men and women. Many people fetishize me because I am bisexual. When I have come out about my abuse people have often said that’s the reason I am bi because I was abused. That is not true. If anything I should be ace if being abused chose your sexuality. People contstantly message me on social media assuming I want a three way JUST because I’m bi. I am sick of people saying shit like “ bi guys are so hot I’d love to see another guy f**king them”. I am so sick of it. People just trigger my ptsd all the time. I have even had doctors ask about my sex life because I’m bi. I have also been hurt more because I’m bi. Sadly aside from trans men bisexual men are the second ones with the highest rate of abuse, suicide and sex*al assault.
 
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Flying B.

Registrant
FallenAtlasLiam, I am sorry for your expiriances. I also identify as bisexual, but I don't talk about it mutch. I thank you for your post and articulating this subject as you did.

I oftentimes operate off of the subconscious - behaving but not really knowing why consciously. Your post is why I don't talk about my sexuality around others, and I fear people knowing my sexual identity. I suppose I just don't want to be on the market or have people assume that I am available.

I have learned that it is ok to keep my identity to myself - and their is health to this. However, I also feal like an outsider socialy that I don't belong - it's hard because I came out in University, where identities were intelectualised and it wasent cool to be bisexual because it meant I assumed that sexuality was binary ...

Anywayse, I know a lot of people here chose to not identify with sexual identities - and I suppose in the practical day to day sence, this is where I tend to fall; mostly because it realy isn't that important realy.

I am sorry that people abuse how you chose to identify, and have assumptions based upon it. You indeed have my respect!
-Flying B.
 

EQCR

Registrant
I have been sex*ally abused, [email protected], and sex trafficked more times than I can count. I have been abused by men and women. Many people fetishize me because I am bisexual. When I have come out about my abuse people have often said that’s the reason I am bi because I was abused. That is not true. If anything I should be ace if being abused chose your sexuality. People contstantly message me on social media assuming I want a three way JUST because I’m bi. I am sick of people saying shit like “ bi guys are so hot I’d love to see another guy f**king them”. I am so sick of it. People just trigger my ptsd all the time. I have even had doctors ask about my sex life because I’m bi. I have also been hurt more because I’m bi. Sadly aside from trans men bisexual men are the second ones with the highest rate of abuse, suicide and sex*al assault.
Sexual identity is not a result of abuse. Sexual behavior is not confined by sexual Identity. The way society sees you does not control how you see yourself, however, you cannot control how society (or individuals within a society) see you.
You have the right to say no. You have the right to end any conversation. You have the right to walk away. You have the right to express yourself. You have the right to ask for what you want.
It can be difficult when other people do not hear you, or refuse to acknowledge you or what you ask for. Know that you are worthy of love and respect and people here love and respect you.
I do.
 

ChromaticSteps

Registrant
I have also struggled with this. I was abused by a man and don't really acknowledge my bisexuality as much anymore. I fear being emasculated in a way, and the openness other people display in regards to sexuality often makes me uncomfortable because I feel I cannot be as open about it. I don't identify as straight but I feel like I have to act like it in order to get respect. If I display my gender fluidity I automatically come across as gay or bi. It's rare that I come across anyone who understands my situation. I often feel stuck in the shadows of my past, but I'm moving past it. I want to be who I am, but it's not easy when the world tells you that it's not okay.

things will get better though, be your authentic self...
 

MoonSong

Registrant
...I want to be who I am, but it's not easy when the world tells you that it's not okay...


I can very much identify with this, and it gives me the most difficulty. Mainly because so many people seem to come to conclusions without knowing facts. As Fallen talked about, I've had people say "Your bi, that means we should have sex because you will sleep with anyone"

I can only speak for myself, but I consider myself bi because I CAN (if I am attracted to said person) enter a physical relationship with either gender. Gender means far less to me than the personality.
 
When you say "social media" do you mean dating apps? My experience with dating apps is that people are looking for quick hookups, anonymous sex. Not sure that is the best place to judge peoples attitudes about sexuality. I can see how listing yourself as bi on a dating site would attract couples looking for a third person. Not sure if this is what you meant in your post.
 

FallenAtlasLiam

Registrant
When you say "social media" do you mean dating apps? My experience with dating apps is that people are looking for quick hookups, anonymous sex. Not sure that is the best place to judge peoples attitudes about sexuality. I can see how listing yourself as bi on a dating site would attract couples looking for a third person. Not sure if this is what you meant in your post.
No like social as in Instagram facebook ect.
 

FallenAtlasLiam

Registrant
...I want to be who I am, but it's not easy when the world tells you that it's not okay...


I can very much identify with this, and it gives me the most difficulty. Mainly because so many people seem to come to conclusions without knowing facts. As Fallen talked about, I've had people say "Your bi, that means we should have sex because you will sleep with anyone"

I can only speak for myself, but I consider myself bi because I CAN (if I am attracted to said person) enter a physical relationship with either gender. Gender means far less to me than the personality.
If you like all genders then you would be pansexual. That is something to be proud of. Hope it helps you a bit.
 

Dan99

Registrant
I have learned that it is ok to keep my identity to myself - and their is health to this.

Just wanted to stress that what Flying B said is where I have wound up. I'm not sure of the origins of my bisexual experiences. I think my abuse probably contributed to it, and that when I was having sex with men it was recreating my abuse.

At the same time, I realize that gayness and bisexuality can be viewed as a negative, and that simply saying that it was all because I was raped could be a subconscious attempt to shame myself or "pretend" I'm straight.

So I have accepted that I am worthy of love and respect regardless of the gender of the people I sleep with and regardless of why I sleep with them. I identify as "bi" because I have, in fact, had consensual sex with both men and women as an adult. I don't rule out that if I had never been raped as a child I might still have had these experiences. Why dwell on the unknowable at this point? The "why" makes no difference to my self-worth. I am who I am and I sleep with who I sleep with. As I am behaving legally, other people's opinions have no weight.

It's taken me many years to reach this comfort level with this issue. And for a while I was more in-your-face about this. It felt like keeping quiet about bisexual experiences somehow validated the shame that I felt about this and my abuse.

But I now am comfortable closing off this aspect of my self to most of the public. Let's face it, it's made easier that at my age my sex life is of interest to very few people any more anyway. I live as a straight man and that's how most people would identify me. If I am in bed with someone, they're entitled to know more. Otherwise, I keep it to myself.

If I were actively seeking a relationship (NSA or otherwise) I can see it would be more of an issue., But for general social intercourse, I let it stay "my business."
 
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