I'm grateful my mother only suffered from depression and anxiety when i was young, although that carried its own baggage- my struggles have been to try to make sure i'm at least trying to be aware of, and keep separate, my issues of fear, anger, attachment, and resentment of women stemming primarily from the abuse, from whatever has to do with the here and now, and with the particular woman in question.
While it's been helpful for me to remember that women grow up with a different experience of the world than men, and that basic biological and hormonal differences exist, as well as the differences in expected social/cultural roles, it's been even more helpful for me to remember and connect with the experiences that we all share, whether male or female- if i find myself focusing or dwelling on the differences, often it's not stemming from a particularly healthy emotional place.
These issues could be explored by me safely within the context of a T or other therapeutic environment, but when it's just my inner chatterbox and me- it's usually better for me to interrupt myself and remember that my intellect's job is not finding ways to rationalize and justify the negative emotional patterns imprinted by the abuse. If i'm to ever be as truly comfortable in my relationships with women inwardly as i seem to be outwardly, i have to be both gentle and firm with myself, and keep honesty and clear boundaries paramount, no matter the nature of the relationship.