Being A Man *Triggers*

You know, I don't even begin to understand what mother's problems were, but now that the question has been raised I realize that I too was at times treated as if I as the stupidest thing going.

Was it male bashing? I don't know. Definitely something to look at. Certainly she is no longer like that. She and Dad both had an epiphany of sorts when I was in my early teen years and all that ended.
my mother's only complaint was that i should have been born a girl.

my father, on the other hand - i could go on forever. starting with being stupid, unwanted, unskilled, no good ... well, you get the picture.

is it any wonder my older siblings felt they could do whatever they wanted?

but in answer to the original question - i guess it had nothing to do with being male... except mom, of course


Staff member
"my mother's only complaint was that i should have been born a girl."

I was sent a similar message as a boy, aside from being talked down to and just treated abusively by good ol' maw.


I'm grateful my mother only suffered from depression and anxiety when i was young, although that carried its own baggage- my struggles have been to try to make sure i'm at least trying to be aware of, and keep separate, my issues of fear, anger, attachment, and resentment of women stemming primarily from the abuse, from whatever has to do with the here and now, and with the particular woman in question.

While it's been helpful for me to remember that women grow up with a different experience of the world than men, and that basic biological and hormonal differences exist, as well as the differences in expected social/cultural roles, it's been even more helpful for me to remember and connect with the experiences that we all share, whether male or female- if i find myself focusing or dwelling on the differences, often it's not stemming from a particularly healthy emotional place.

These issues could be explored by me safely within the context of a T or other therapeutic environment, but when it's just my inner chatterbox and me- it's usually better for me to interrupt myself and remember that my intellect's job is not finding ways to rationalize and justify the negative emotional patterns imprinted by the abuse. If i'm to ever be as truly comfortable in my relationships with women inwardly as i seem to be outwardly, i have to be both gentle and firm with myself, and keep honesty and clear boundaries paramount, no matter the nature of the relationship.
my dear mother didn't need to do anything other than tell me she wanted a girl. my older sister took care of the abuse part. at least until my brother stepped in. by then the abuse by dear-old-sis had done its work. i knew that i was worth nothing - why would i try to defend myself?

I remember my mom telling me when I was young that I was supposed to be a girl!

Damn...just one more thing to add to the "mom" pile!


Staff member
I'm starting to feel like, what the hell - don't mothers want sons? Didn't they want them back then?

TJ jeff

Staff member
I know - all the time I was growing up - I heard it from mom non-stop how "men" are stupid - she was always putting dad down in front of me and my brother - not to even mention that her favorite name for me was "stupid" - and i reminded her so much of dad in my mannerisms growing up - if she was mad at him she was automaticaly mad at me too

then to top it off - she had wanted me to be a girl

is still times I wonder just how diffrent life might have been if I'd been born a girl


Member, Male
I hate to sound like a brainyack, 'cause I ain't one but, the technical term for what we are talking about here is MISANDRY. Webster's dic. defines it as: a hatred of men.


My mother was sexually abused by her step-dad. She always had different men over when I was little. She told me they were only good for one thing (sex). So when I was being sexually abused it was easy for me to believe that I was only good for one thing. Now that I'm older I can look back on all of my sexual experiences and realize that I've never really "enjoyed" sex. It's just something I'm supposed to do. I'm required to do it.


Loberhead: My mother was also sexually abused by her father. It does make me understand why she was so broken and unable to be a good a parent. I also somehow understood why she was so selfdestructive and unable to set healthy boundaries. She sexually and physically abused me, but far worse than this she allowed my stepfather to abuse me much more worse. I also "Learned" that being used by men and pleasing others was all that I was good for. I did what I was good for - for far too long - but today I know that I am good at so many other things. I know that I am not required to please anybody. I can set healthy boundaries today. I can protect myself.
Hi, my friends, well my "mother" while sexually abusing me had always told me that the wrong twin died at birth (girl). But at the same time telling me that I was the MAN of THE HOUSE, but if I was the "wrong one" who then would she have had to play with?? She hated me, she effectivly destroyed me. But inspite of her, I did become a MAN. Heal well my friends.
Pete (Irishmoose)