Being a good father
Being a good father
- Thread startermanchild
- Start date
Bob Wheelock
Registrant
Hello Manchild,
Thanks for writting about the father thing. I think that every man wishes he could father a child or children. I think we all wish we would have at least one son.
It has helped me to think of myself as the kid being molested. I fantasize holding him and telling him how beautiful he is and how safe he now is. I tell him I will die rather than let someone harm him in the slightest way.
Sometimes, I just think of sitting with him, hugging him and saying nothing. It sounds like you are open to something like that. If you try it I hope that it really helps. I use a teddy bear to just have something to hold on to.
I wish you the fulfillment of your desire to be a father--at least to your hurting child, and maybe in other ways as well.
I am a HS counselor. I see the students as surrogate kids. I attend their performances, speak to them at lunch etc.
If you do not have kids, I can tell you that HS kids appreciate anyone coming to their games, plays etc. Eventually you get to know them and they get to know you and before long you have young people in your life that mean everything to you.
Bob
Thanks for writting about the father thing. I think that every man wishes he could father a child or children. I think we all wish we would have at least one son.
It has helped me to think of myself as the kid being molested. I fantasize holding him and telling him how beautiful he is and how safe he now is. I tell him I will die rather than let someone harm him in the slightest way.
Sometimes, I just think of sitting with him, hugging him and saying nothing. It sounds like you are open to something like that. If you try it I hope that it really helps. I use a teddy bear to just have something to hold on to.
I wish you the fulfillment of your desire to be a father--at least to your hurting child, and maybe in other ways as well.
I am a HS counselor. I see the students as surrogate kids. I attend their performances, speak to them at lunch etc.
If you do not have kids, I can tell you that HS kids appreciate anyone coming to their games, plays etc. Eventually you get to know them and they get to know you and before long you have young people in your life that mean everything to you.
Bob
Manchild,
you've hit a nerve there, one I only recently found I had at all.
Only towards the later stages of recovery did I realise that I wasn't an abuser, for over 30 years I didn't know and I was scared. I knew I was fucked up, my obsessions and acting out told me that, but I could never figure out just how bad I was. So I avoided children all that time and made every excuse in the book not to have any with my wife, a woman who is so maternal and good with kids, it must be so hard on her now that we're both too old to realistically be parents.
I've watched my nephews and nieces and my friends kids grow up all around me, and kept away.
This is the thing that upsets me most now, we have been deprived of our normal family life by those bastards that abused me !!
I watch my friends and family, our age, with their kids and grandkids and I ache inside for what we've lost. I try to catch up but I've never learned how to play and act with kids naturally, I kept away from them, and I wasn't one myself for very long.
And I fear that as we get older we will find the hole in our lives getting bigger.
If you have kids, give them a big hug tonight.
Lloydy
you've hit a nerve there, one I only recently found I had at all.
Only towards the later stages of recovery did I realise that I wasn't an abuser, for over 30 years I didn't know and I was scared. I knew I was fucked up, my obsessions and acting out told me that, but I could never figure out just how bad I was. So I avoided children all that time and made every excuse in the book not to have any with my wife, a woman who is so maternal and good with kids, it must be so hard on her now that we're both too old to realistically be parents.
I've watched my nephews and nieces and my friends kids grow up all around me, and kept away.
This is the thing that upsets me most now, we have been deprived of our normal family life by those bastards that abused me !!
I watch my friends and family, our age, with their kids and grandkids and I ache inside for what we've lost. I try to catch up but I've never learned how to play and act with kids naturally, I kept away from them, and I wasn't one myself for very long.
And I fear that as we get older we will find the hole in our lives getting bigger.
If you have kids, give them a big hug tonight.
Lloydy
Manchild
I'm so pleased you hope to have kids sometime.
I feel that someone who has become a survivor and dealt with it at an early age will probably make a super father.
We learn a lot to survive, mostly about ourselves. But also about relationships and the balance of "power" within them, we learn to trust again, and most important we learn to love again.
What more can a child want ?
Lloydy
I'm so pleased you hope to have kids sometime.
I feel that someone who has become a survivor and dealt with it at an early age will probably make a super father.
We learn a lot to survive, mostly about ourselves. But also about relationships and the balance of "power" within them, we learn to trust again, and most important we learn to love again.
What more can a child want ?
Lloydy
michael Joseph
Registrant
I too want to be a dad, we are looking into forter parenting inorder to adopt. We are also going through fertility clinic to tyr that too.
Wish us luck.
MJ
Wish us luck.
MJ
Fellow men:
I hear and feel where y'all are coming from. Having a son or daughter and doing all you can to be a healthy dad. I feel that desire too, but I would only be a dad if I believed I could be a healthy dad. You see, I have no desire to cause an innocent child to suffer as I was forced to. Only if i felt I could be healthy. Only then.
For those who have no child of their own I have a suggestion: make an effort to help a lost boy/girl. Become a big brother or a mentor. There is a great need. And, keep in mind that at last count there were 6 billion humans on this planet. One planet can only support so many of us. This fact makes adoption sound even better than it would otherwise.
rafael
I hear and feel where y'all are coming from. Having a son or daughter and doing all you can to be a healthy dad. I feel that desire too, but I would only be a dad if I believed I could be a healthy dad. You see, I have no desire to cause an innocent child to suffer as I was forced to. Only if i felt I could be healthy. Only then.
For those who have no child of their own I have a suggestion: make an effort to help a lost boy/girl. Become a big brother or a mentor. There is a great need. And, keep in mind that at last count there were 6 billion humans on this planet. One planet can only support so many of us. This fact makes adoption sound even better than it would otherwise.
rafael