Been stormy for me

Been stormy for me
MrDon

MrDon

Registrant
The past week has been pretty rough for me. I've been doing the somatic therapy work. I really feel like I'm ready for this work and it is what I need to be doing, but it got rough. Tonights session helped calm me down a lot but the previous one a week ago brought up so much anger within me. During the session, I was so drenched from sweat because of all the anger that got released. From what the Doctor told me, what I am experiencing right now is all part of the process and once it is over, things will be much better.

Of course it would be better if I could go more than one time a week but since this is coming out of my pocket, I can't afford any more than that. And business for me has been extremely slow which is making my life all the harder.

I feel more grounded tonight than I have in the past week which is good. Now I just need to find people wanting massage that will pay. It's been tough... it should pick back up but right now it the race between income and expenses has gotten close!

Don
 
Don
things will work out, because you will make it work out.

Think about what you've achieved, and less about what you've lost in the past, that's gone - forever.

Dave
 
Mr Don

sorry you feel so bad, but haven't you felt worse in the past? You've put your best into this, and I think you can make it, I always think as a survivor, you can achieve more than most, we all can, if we believe in the inner strength, we have and not fall back on the weakness that pulls so strong.

Use the new skills you have aquired, and you know that if you want, you can be the best in the field.

I remember playing a game called Twinsen, he starts off in a World where it is always raining, he has to find the weather wizard to turn off the rain, I kept bumping into the elephant and kicking him, even though he was bigger than me, and he beat me up, but it was a game, I soon found out how to find the wizard to put the world back to the sunshine that was there, yes it was there all the time, I just needed to find out how to do it.

Eventually you rescue the kids from a planet full of Aliens, you have to go down sewers and fight unimaginative things down there, but I did it, and rescued them all and take them away in spaceship. Game shot and match.

But I did it

ste ;)
 
Don,

There's a lot of truth to Dave's words, "you will make it work out." You do seem to have a knack for making things work out.

Here's my advice. Try listening to your CD. It's helping me even as I type this. Better yet, treat yourself to a "command performance!"

Thanks,

Joe
 
Hi Don,
Praying for your business to pick up soon. In the meantime try to keep in mind that we were able to protect our family peace and honor for a long long time, and at a very young age.
Again, praying for your business to pick up soon.
-honest_lion
 
Thanks everyone for your responses. It does all make sense and unfortunately during times like this, my logical brain loses to my "oh my god things are bad brain". But part of the storm was part of this current work that I am doing and although it was unpleasant as ever to go through, it is something that needed to get released. The financial stuff - maybe one day, I will begin to trust the universe more but it is so hard and to be honest, I'm not exactly sure why. Perhaps, that is the stone I need to uncover to solve this.

Fortunately yesterday I rec'd a call from a recruiter and have a temp computer job for a few days that is paying decent. In fact I thought it was only going to be 2 - 3 days and it may turn into a week. I don't want it to go too long because this type of work leaves me stressed out these days but I do need the money. So that will help me get through the next month or so and hopefully by then things will be picking up.

Somewhere around this forum, I posted a link to a couple of songs that I created as well and they were created when I was at one of the lowest points the other day (after I wrote this original message).

Anyway, thanks everyone...
Don
 
Here's the post with the songs in it.

https://www.malesurvivor.org/cgi-local/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=1;t=004290

And every time I think of these two songs, I am reminded that this came out of me at the same time, the rough stuff was taking place. So if this good stuff came out, than I must have much more inside of me than all of the shit from the abuse.

You know, it just kind of blows my mind away realizing this.
 
Hi Don

Reading your post reminded me when 3 years ago I was seeing a therapist for CSA and I was also going to a shiatsu masseur.

In my therapy sessions I would sometime break into uncontrollable shaking from head to toe for 15 to 20 minutes, luckilly my therapist used to be a doctor so I used to think if something's seriously wrong he'll sort me out. It was quite scary as I had been abused by a perp when I was 15 whilst I was having a panic attack.

And then when I was going for my shiatsu I would fing myself scared he would abuse me as soon as he touched me and also kind of "wanting" to be abused, I suppose that way I could stop the treatment, run away from the feelings that were coming up.

I stuck to it though and learned that there are some people I can trust and also I can trust myself.

Take care
Heart
 
Don,

I am sorry that is has been hard for you lately, and I really do hope the income part will pick up. I think you are a very strong man to be going through treatment/therapy that you pay for 'out of pocket'. I know that such things can be expensive (my regular therapy is 'out of pocket' for me also), but I respect that you have enough positive thought of yourself to do that. You are worth good things, always.

Leosha
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top