Been having nightmares and flashbacks lately

Been having nightmares and flashbacks lately
C

Carlos

Registrant
First and foremost it is great to be here!!!!!!!!!

Hi my name is Carlos,I am a 31 year old survivor, first let me tell you my story, when i was 7 years old my uncle forced me to have sex and to perform sexual acts in front of his friends, he told me that if i said something no one would believe me and guess what he was right no one believed me back then, his abuse lasted for five years till i could not take it anymore, when i said stop he told me he would kill all of my family.... i let it happened out of fear and and because he was the only one who paid some attention to me, mom and dad were always working and busy, and on weekends as well as week days thay had no time so thye took me to grandpa's house, everything at home was nurture with gifts " hey sorry son i can not do anything special for your birthday but here you have the latest toy, sorry son i can not make it to your tournament but here you have this much money go buy something nice. well son today is your mom's birthday where is the present you bought her?????? so everything was cold no love and no attention a kid needs.....
when i was fifteen I ran away from my house, and when i was 18 i tried to kill myself and i realized that something was really wrong with me, I thought i had left it behind, but i hadn't i did not know what to do I couldn't tell anyone i cuouldn't have sex with anyone the simple thought of being touched was creepy, and scary, and sad. so I said what the heck lets get rid of the pain, right????????? wrong it did not work out!!!!!!!!! THANKS GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

guilt and shame are the worst enemies we have to fight so i tell all of you survivors it was not your (my) fault, now i know that.

after this attempt i started therapy, and i thank god found a great therapist who helped identified the problem, he was the only expert in mexico who knew how to work with survivors, we starte working with the "courage to heal" and " victims no longer" i finished therapy 5 years after that, though we all know that you can Never really get it out of your system....

that is why i joined this forums cause i've been having nightmares and flashbacks lately, and i don't know how to cope with them, i feel vey much like crying but tears get caught in the way!!!!!!!

I found this wonderfull Woman, Carolina, we have just spent the most wonderfull christmass ever in my whole life for the first time there were no presents, and no one seem to care about that, all of her family were just happy to be together there was no need to buy no ones affection it was GREAT, and for the first time in my life (i am 31 now) I am considering the possibility of becoming a dad, i really love her and she loves me.

lately i've been having very graphic nightmares of what happened, i don't know if it is related to the season, maybe because everything started on the second of january!!!!!!!!!!!

any clues on how to cope with this nightmares and flashbacks would be apreciated!!!!!!!!!!!

just writing about it makes me feel better!!!!!!!!!

Thanks and i want to wrapp things up by telling those of you in the healling process that HEALING IS POSSIBLE, IT TAKES COURAGE AND I CONGRAT ALL OF YOU AS WELL AS MYSELF FRO THIS SHARING AND NURTURING SITE.

JUST LOOK BEYOND THE FOG!!!!!!!!!
 
Thank you for sharing and your encouraging words Carlos.

Fortunately for me, I have never had nightmares or panick attacks. I have different demons to slay. Hence, I no advice on the subject to offer you.

But they're many people here who do. If you read around the posts, you can ask for advice and ask questions from those you have common problems with.
 
I have nightmares and panic attacks and while I'm not always succeful in doing this, I try to slow down by taking a step outside of myself when they're happening and just observe what I am thinking and feeling. When I can't do that I try desperately to do or think about something else, but sometimes that just makes it worse. Becoming aware of my breathing sometimes helps me calm down if I'm getting too afraid.
 
Welcome to MS Carlos,

I am sad that you have the reason to be here (I was abused by my uncle too) - but glad that you were able to find this place - there are many good people here who will be able to share much good advice with you

I am glad that you were able to have a good Christmas this year - Christmas really is'nt about the money - it's supposed to be about the love people have for each other - without love the most expensive gifts in the world are meaningless...

I have had nightmares and panic attacks since I was 4 - they key to getting past it all is to get your mind to understand that what you are feeling is all in the past and that you really are safe now - make a list of all of the things that make you feel safe - and then use the list when you feel triggered - if you need help making a list let me know and I'll send you some of the things that work best for me...

Welcome,

TJ jeff
 
having nightmares almost every night is what made me decide to try to get help and brought me here . i still have them but not as much ,talking to people here seems to have helped .
 
Welcome to MS Carlos,

I am sad that you have the reason to be here (I was abused by my uncle too) - but glad that you were able to find this place - there are many good people here who will be able to share much good advice with you

I am glad that you were able to have a good Christmas this year - Christmas really is'nt about the money - it's supposed to be about the love people have for each other - without love the most expensive gifts in the world are meaningless...

I have had nightmares and panic attacks since I was 4 - they key to getting past it all is to get your mind to understand that what you are feeling is all in the past and that you really are safe now - make a list of all of the things that make you feel safe - and then use the list when you feel triggered - if you need help making a list let me know and I'll send you some of the things that work best for me...

Welcome,

TJ jeff


I apreciate you all took the time to answer, but i'd like to quote tj. and yes i would apreciate if you send me a sample of the list.

thank you guys.
 
Hi Again Carlos,

Don't have the full list with me right at the moment but I'll just give you some of the top things that help me... - and I am sure that there are others here who can help add to the lists...

Nightmares:

1. I never sleep in a totaly dark room - so as that I can instantly recognize where I am when I wake up from a bad dream and know that I am safe in my own bed

2. my teddy - even at 33 there is still a boy of 5 in me who needs that teddy sometimes

3. the phone number of a friend I can call if it is a really bad dream

4. A book that I write all of the bad dreams into (sometimes it helps me to go back and look at it again later to find hidden messages in the dreams)

Flashbacks:

The key thing to flashbacks is to find a way to bring your mind back into the present...

do things like tap your foot on the floor - feel your foot touch the floor - listen to the sound of your foot touching the floor

another thing that is helpfull is to twist a ring on your finger or the watch around your arm as soon as you feel a flashback comming (takes practice and patience but for some reason it really helps to shorten the time of a flashback)


Hopefully others will add to the list - as my mind is quite foggy from lack of sleep (should be sleeping right now)

TJ jeff
 
Carlos , I aws Raped by a Superior in the Army in 1977 and I have ben plaged with nightmares for
almost 30 years . I do understand your pain .
As far as what to do . councling is a good first step . I have tryed several meds but some work better than others . I have tryed to put a lot of faith in god . Maby church is not your thing .I wake up with night mares in the night . tonight is one of those . Try and tell your self that it is just a dream .ant think or good things . lile the relationship you have with Carolina . I know that thease are small things but they do help a little . and 1% is some thing
 
Carlos,

If I have a really bad nightmare I don't lay in the dark trying to get back to sleep, I get up and have a cup of herb tea and maybe sit with a book for a bit until I calm down. I also try to focus on the fact that I am in a safe place now with safe people. There is nothing here that can hurt me.

Jeff is right on the money about flashbacks. At first they just overwhelmed me and were extremely frightening, but you do learn how to cope. The trick for me, just to take Jeff's comments a bit further, is to focus on what is real around me. I try to feel my feet on the floor and concentrate on where my hands are and what I am touching. I try to take deep slow breaths and keep from hyperventilating.

I also try to figure out what environment leaves me vulnerable to flashbacks. In my case it's quiet places and me being alone in them and not very active. So when I am alone and it's quiet I try to put on music or keep myself occupied.

Hope some of this helps.

Much love,
Larry
 
I wrote the following this morning after awakening from a nightmare. I hope it will be insightful to some of those following this group.
I too have nightmares and flashbacks but know some of the triggers, such as sleep depravation, and try to avoid them. However, sometimes it's just going to be a long night sometimes as I await dawn and fall to sleep.
Regards, to all

It was a 3:30 am bedtime today.
These things will happen you know.
Not that sleep was not attempted earlier at the end of a long turbulent day.
It was the ghosts.
They returned last night.
They have done this for decades and I suspect they will for decades more.
These things will happen you know.
Though muted some and at one point I referred to them as "my ghost" to a character in the dreams.
They returned.
I've learned to fight them away.
I change the rules, I deprive them of their venue, I'll stay awake all night if I need to, but I will drive them away.
They visit when least opportune.
When fatigued, stressed, or sometimes ill they creep into my room, my bed, my dreams.
These things will happen you know.
I'll show them.
I stay awake longer than they can, I'll work on work, I'll read a book, I will not sleep.
I fight them now as ruthlessly as they attack me.
I'll catch them and stop them from haunting other young children.
But they persist.
I see it everyday.
These things will happen you know.
In the faces of children who have not yet spoken the words.
I know that look.
I've seen it in the mirror before and no doubt will see it again.
I teach the kids and warn the parents.
But these things will happen you know.
 
Carlos - welcome.

Maybe your nightmares are related to the season (I'm not too keen on this time of year either).

Maybe your fears are also related to the fact that you are considering becoming a parent; wondering if you could keep that child safe?

Carlos - with your experiences, you would probably be an over protective dad (not a bad thing). I hope that everything works out and that you do become a parent - it's obvious that you know what is really important to a child (genuine love and time) and would make an excellent father.

Best wishes ...Rik
 
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