Been awhile

[RememberingInMN]

Well, I have not been on in a few weeks, and it has been a hell like no other. I know I have not posted much, but I feel like you all understand where I am at and that is a help. My laptop was broken by my wife because she viewed it as another addiction so I have had no way of coming on here until now. I guess I just wanted to vent a little and hope someone out there understands. We have decided on divorce. Even with me being aware of my sexual addiction and the now constant every night nightmares of remembering, I can't seem to get a grasp on my problem. I have been having nightmares every night, had no real rest, and have slipped once again and wooed and slept with a complete stranger. I am feeling so disconnected right now I don't quite know what to do. It has been over two weeks since I felt "real" or here in my own skin so to speak. I have yet to find a counseler who is covered by my medical, so I am getting help from nowhere. Anyone have any advice? Just feel so numb right now.. Amazing since I believe myself to be an emotional person yet I have been shut down completely fow awhile now. Even today at work other managers in my company were asking me if I was ok, because I was not my normal vibrant self.. I can't seem to hold the illusion anymore of being normal and ok, yet I can't talk to anyone I know about why because I can't bring myself to discuss the topic. I just want to stop hurting everyone around me because I am numb or in pain.... Just needed to vent a little guys.. hopefully I can be on more often now. Missed reading and and hearing from my brothers.. I guess I should sleep now even though I am afraid to... one more night another nightmare... When will the memories stop coming back? When can I rest without drinking myself into oblivion... I am scared I am going to go back and search out drugs again.. I know I can't and shouldn't for my son, and my wife, even though we are getting divorced, but I just want to be able to rest, to forget, to relax again.. Starting to think that rembering what happened wasn't a good thing, that I was better not knowing why I had nightmares.. at least they were not every single night.... any ideas or help on this?

 

[David1010]

Well, hang in there. We are here to support you. These sound like tough times for you. Hope you have some support outsite the web.

 

[Leosha]

I do not have the medical insurance that will cover therapy, or medicines, so am paying those myself. So I do not know what it is, to have to worry of insurance finding a therapist for me. I do not have advice to offer to you. I am sorry of that.

As for when the memories stop? I don't know. I still have them, and I know I still have some that I do not recall fully. I do think that over time though, they lose power to control us. The memories that I have always had, they sometime will sadden or anger me. But more, I just am in accepting of it. The memories that are newer, they still have some control on me, but even that, it gets fewer over time. Try to be gentle with yourself, and be patient to yourself. Good luck.

Leosha

 

[guy]

remebering mn,

welcome back, you certainly have been going through some stuff.

i had to back off of my counseling cuz i was paying it all for fear of my company "knowing" as we are self insured and the top bosses know everything everyone is treated for. probably illegal to an extent but it is what it is.

i go every two weeks now, $75 bucks is a lot but i used to blow that on liquor, women, or whatever. it does help some.

i am sorry but can relate to the divorce, the custody cases, the addictions to sex. be prepared for a fianacial hit, hopefully you can minimize it. i learned though, money is nkt everything finally, me getting better in the long run is most important. i suffered twice through divorces and they suck in general (for both parties- noone wins).

anyhow, i do hope you can get some help. i may not be alot of help but come on line here, post when you can. p.m. others, me, or whatever. also, call someone if you can. try not to go it alone. it is worse and i think us survivors try that shit too much.

wishing you some peace in this difficult time.

guy

 

[reality2k4]

I am sorry you are going through all this pain, even when you think everything is on the up, it usually just knocks you down again, when you really are down, you can feel it kicking at your balls.

It is sad to relive these things, and have nightmares come back, it is a difficult time for you be we all care

ste