Over the years I often thought that I deserved little in the way of kindness or appreciation. "Gee, that looks great." Or, "You do that really well." I'd dismiss it with "Oh, it's nothing." When, in reality, as KMCINVA said : I was deepening the pain by being not kind to myself and accepting the kindness of others. I have learned to do that. They'e just trying to be appreciative or give kind words with nothing expected in return except a thank-you.(Comes from the ways our perps spoke to us and made us think : What do you want from me in return?). Allowing others to be kind to us also gives them the pleasure of giving a compliment. I've learned to accept this, difficult as it is to do that for me.