Barbara Whitfield, Victim, Survivor, Thriver

[Ceremony]

So, that chart (Victim, Survivor, Thriver) was just tweeted by MaleSurvivor. I hadn't seen it yet. I noted how I think I am too much in the first column, and partly into the second. I can link the Ms part: https://www.malesurvivor.org/helpful-articles/ but, I can't paste it. Go to the MaleSurvivor homepage, at the bottom is the tweeted chart.

I want to talk about it.

 

[Ceremony]

Barbara Whitfield chart : Victim, Survivor, Thriver Find the chart at the bottom of the page, among tweets.

So, 6-7 months into knowing more about myself than ever before. Getting to where I can share my story, talk about my vulnerabilities, and history; add current issues, and it seems I must have done something right.

Being in the victim column, sorting myself by that category sent me signals of concern. I'm working on defining that concern. I wonder what others see or think for/about themselves?

 

[Jacob S]

I think this will make a direct link to what you are talking about

I'm all over the place on this chart. I'm not sure "gratitude" is the right word for how I feel about the good things in my life. The good things I have now, I fought for and won them through a hard battle against the wrong things I had been taught. No one gifted me my growth, so I'm not grateful for it -- but I am proud of it and happy I have it.

My belief is that each one of us is no less and no more important than anyone else, but also that no one knows what I need better than I do. So I must listen to myself, not out of ego, but because no one else is better equipped to take care of me. I think that is what this chart is getting at and if so I agree with it mostly.

 

[Ceremony]

Thank you Jacob S, for posting the chart that I saw. Reflecting another day, I can see 2 things I do to thrive. Living with an open heart, and understanding pain is temporary and I can take baby steps to process it. Adding new things as I do the work. My depression us ebbing as I keep writing. I think it will be processed this time, without meds.

I don't recommend this though. I am very aware how dangerous depression is.

I have learned a lot about myself during these past 8 yrs, and it must be these yrs that allowed me to finally rise to process the sexual trauma. It must be that openness to feel, to cry in despair, with the fear, that got me to make that first call to a crisis line. God, how I cried, and tear up thinking about it.

This place is giving me more time to process myself, and I am so used to posting my thoughts, after decades of doing it, I write very often. I want to help others too. To be a listener.

Guys, again, I tap each letter on a phone, and can't chat. This is my only connection to survivors. I hope you will consider long posts to me, and know, I read it all. If I push your buttons in a way that stirs you up, tightens your gut, or makes you sigh in derision, please be kind, but respond anyway.

I'm seeing more into the middle column today too, but what's going on, is the first and second columns meld into a flow.

For example I see myself as selfish to post so much, but, I deserve to seek help.

 

[jas4159]

thanks, i posted a similar article a year or two back. it is so important to understand the thinking of victim, survivor and thriver. knowledge is power. Knowledge and power = recovery. so learn as much as u can to empower your recovery.

good stuff

thank u

rich

 

[LinEar]

Thanks for sharing that chart.

 

[greenwizard]

Interesting. Not sure if I'm a victim or a survivor. I'm learning how to relax around familiar people, but strangers, I'm still on edge. I have help, but I don't feel like I deserve it. My girlfriend is a saint for putting up with me, and N, he may be billing my insurance so he may get something, but Friday morning he could've had a deserving paying someone in that time slot. And next week, same thing.

I can say that I have told at least a few people what happened. I think maybe I am getting there slowly. It's just the self worth I have a real problem with.