bad day

bad day
B

Brayton

Registrant
Bad day today. I think I'm losing it.

Therapy started out fine, today, casual even.

Somehow it turned into regression therapy.

Traced the steps back. All the scary places. No safe places. Hiding. Learning to not be seen. Vast aloneness.

A big rough and calloused hand taking mine and me thinking it was my father's because his hands were like than and now, not knowing for sure whose hand it was and then...the unspeakable things that cannot be said.

Disassociating off and on all day. Walked all over downtown listing to a CD, loud. Got back and didn't have keys. Retraced my steps. Nothing. Calls in to every customer service and security desk I can think of.

My mind going. Not being able to remember things. Forgetting often. Losing things I cannot find despite long and careful searches.

Retracing today I discovered those times when I blacked out and didn't remember being there.
 
Brayton,

do you feel OK with your therapist? Regression should only be done by T's with a great deal of experience in what they do, did your T mean it to be regression?

I regress myself with me in charge, and it can be bad or good, I know where to stop, but some regression tends to make me dissociate, I can understand you feeling like you are losing it.

If I put myself in a bad state, I go the same way, not knowing where things are, constantly searching for things right under my nose sometimes, it makes me so frustrated, lost my wallet, lost my keys, going into shops to buy key things I really need and buying everything but the one thing I went in for, so I buy this stuff without getting what I really went in for.

Grrrrrrr....sometimes I look for hours for something that should be there, and it is right in front of me, but I don't see it, these things make you feel mad, but just accept it, it will work itself out I am sure, I sure hope so.

I really hate dealing with mental blockages, but one day I hope I never have to, you will get there, I am sure,

You are not alone

take care

ste
 
Brayton
I'm glad you came to talk about your bad day, sometimes all we need is for someone else to say "Yeah, I know how you feel my friend"

And I know, I came out of sessions feeling as though my brain had been deep fried. It took hours for me come back to reality sometimes. But back I came.

Next time you see your therapist be sure to tell them what happened and how you felt. It's important that they know so they can tailor their methodology to suit YOUR needs.
It's all about you, not them.

Take care
Dave
 
Brayton,

when you do have days like that, bad days of forgetting things and such, I hope that you do your best to be safe. It can be scary and maybe even dangerous to be dissociating so much. I hope that these days are few, and 'far between'. You deserve much better. Please do try to keep yourself safe, and treat yourself more gently and with more care at times like this.

leosha
 
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