back to work . . .

[jwh]

I have to return tomorrow to a job that feels very chaotic to me and tends to trigger me in the sense of returning me to the feeling of being out of control that I had when my perpetrator was raping me.

I'm trying to use this forum and post things rather than acting out so if I post several messages forgive me.

Triggers: chaotic work situations, finances, adult responsibilites in general, body memories . . .

Sometimes I feel wonder and hope--much of the rest of the time I feel high anxiety and discouragement.

I'm so fucking compulsive and have such a high fear of rejection. Dammit . . .

"Confusion in her eyes that says it all
She's lost control
And she's clinging to the nearest passerby
She's lost control again . . ."
--Joy Division

Sorry, this post is not exactly uplifting.

Jeff

 

[Marc]

Sorry, this post is not exactly uplifting.

Au contrair!

You don't know how uplifting your post is. To know that I am not the only one.

I had so many dreams and so many hopes for myself. Working at the shit&y job that I do, $50,000 a year. It just isn't enough. The stress just doesn't make it worth it.

But tomorrow is another day... and it can bring change. I realize that I am partly responsible for that change. You can move on. Believe in yourself as much as we who have been there believe in you.

Hang onto that!

 

[jwh]

Thanks Marc--it helps to know someone out there understands.

Jeff

 

[Wuamei]

Jeff:

You're here instead of acting out that's good. So don't worry about posting too much--like I should talk about that!

As to your post not being uplifting, don't worry about that either. Sure we're here to be uplifting when we can be, but we're also here to be uplifted.

We're here to learn to be real.

You're doing that. WTG.

Take care Jeff

Victor