Back for A Visit

[sorryson]

Hello Everyone, it has been sometime since I was here. I do read the forums from time to time. I have been busy with many things while I continue to heal on many fronts. The abuse seems to be under control. I see a therapist once a week for the abuse. He is wonderful and has helped me to see so much that was wrong in my life. Childhood can screw one up royally. First the abuse and then the family being separated, the abuse by us kids to our father and Mama just sitting there encouraging it. We still have family counseling twice a month. Mama goes to counseling. Never thought one could teach an old dog new tricks. She has accepted full responsibility for allowing the abuse and the damage it to our Dad. She accepts that she manipulated us to think we needed only her love to cover up her leaving us. She admits she felt left out and knew no other way to get us back. Her mother did many of the same things. Children first, laugh at Grandpa, push him away while she and her siblings and relatives made Grandpa uncomfortable. She is a changed woman. We are all moving forward. I still have dark days. Reading of all the abuses in the Church, Boy Scouts, athletic programs and it goes on and on. It triggers me at times. I feel sad. When I get these feelings I call my wife and she listens and gently reassures me. She never denies the damage the abuse did to me. Never once has she said get over it or it is not about you. She knows. She has been seeing a counselor once a month to help and to make sure she is taking care of herself.

I read some successes here and struggles. I can only talk for myself, my struggles were overwhelming. I had a breakdown, I was ready to give up. For me I am glad I did not because my life is much better. I stopped asking myself would it be better if I had not been abused or lived with abuse in my childhood. I cannot change what happened. I can only be thankful for a wonderful wife and family and a mother I can now be proud of because she no longer denies what happened and takes responsibility for what she allowed to happen. Guys do not give up. Male survivor and the guys here helped me in ways I cannot measure. You guys saved me. I could talk freely about what I lived. You never judged. Thank you.

I will keep you posted and I will be cheering each of you on as you heal.

Paul

 

[Jaxson]

Paul, this is absolutely refreshing to hear. I, too, have recovered and it gives me the joy to hear there is another one. We must be the beacons to show it IS possible. And my job is to encourage, support, and have the backs of others as they move on in recovery and healing. Not perfect here.

I am SO happy for what you have achieved! I am sure it took, like me, a lot of hard work. God bless you for bringing hope to us all.

 

[traveler]

Paul -
thanks so much for checking in with a progress report. You have come such a long way! It is very encouraging to hear what you shared.
All the best to you as you keep moving forward.
Lee

 

[Ceremony]

Thanks @sorryson It's great to hear from you. In some ways I can report improvement, and the ones which still invade my peace can be slowed down and sometimes managed with new skills. This is a long-view learning curve for me. It's good to be reminded there are partners who will remain steadfast with support. Perhaps that is in my future? Either way, I have coping skills to work with, and hope that managing improves my outlook.

Best wishes to you Paul,

Rick

 

[Visitor]

Always wonderful to hear men are doing well. Yes, it is confirmation that sharing this journey with other men, telling the truth about our pasts, can make a difference. Thanks for sharing your message with us Paul... it is inspiring. Yes, we still have to each do our own work, but knowing there are dividends to be found through the effort is reassuring. This is a great place to find support for attending to that which is most painful. Healing is possible.

 

[KMCINVA]

Paul

Wonderful to hear. You have worked hard and overcame many obstacles and challenges. I had the pleasure to meet your family. You have a wife who looks for the good in everyone. She truly loves you first and foremost and I could see it when we met. Your mother I am happy she can live a life free of manipulation, deceit and denial. She can now enjoy life. Accepting, admitting one allowed abuse or admitting one denied abuse takes courage. You mentioned previously her health has improved with lower blood pressure and need for insulin declined. Sometimes living a life your are right and everyone else is wrong when you know somewhere deep you are wrong, in denial or just lying takes a toll. As survivors we lived this life. I truly believe living in denial of abuse, either living, doing or allowing causes many physical and emotional issues. I suffered syncope, low blood pressure, and other physical pains and hurts. I am happy for you and your family. Give them my best. How is your brother doing?

Kevin