Back and doing well

Back and doing well
B

blueelectron9

Registrant
Hello,

I haven't been on this site for quite some time now and I'm not exactly sure why. I'm finding it a bit sad that some of the people who knew me way back when are no longer around (?) on the site, but I recognize a number of long timers.

When I first started to have PTSD flashbacks of my abuse I relied heavily on MS and these forums and I can't thank everyone enough for their support, even if it was to just read my post. I can only hope that I have been able to be a giver also, but I realize that is not a requirement for being here.

For those of you who don't know me, my name is Scott. I usually go by Scotty, since my last name starts with "T" and that's what it sounds like when you pronounce Scott-T :) . I'm a gay man, 38, in a LTR with my partner Doug. I have DID which is the new name for multiple personality disorder. I've spent the past 2-1/2 years or so struggling to get that under control.

Well, I'm pleased to report that I've found a good psychotheraputic regimin that has kept me feeling stable and present for about two months now. I'm no longer randomly switching from one alter to the other and I'm finding myself getting outside more and even making new friends. All in all, I feel comfortable that the voices in my head have subsided significantly and has given me much needed room to breathe.

I've invited a straight friend of mine who is also a survivor to the Level I retreat in Utah this September. I'm hoping that he'll be able to make it. I went to the Level II retreat but was in a bad headspace after meeting with my family first. My plan was to drive to Bryce Canyon and Zion National Park and do some hiking afterwards to decompress after the retreat, but when I got to Bryce I stayed about an hour and headed straight back to Southern California. I regret that decision but didn't feel like I was in the right place to be alone.

I don't seem to think much about my SA anymore, but the aftermath is still present in sexual addiction and other addictions when that doesn't work. I'd like to think I have it under control but I have to keep on top of it one day at a time.

I'm looking forward to being able to be myself at the next retreat and coming out of my shell and getting to know some of you better. Triggers have subsided substantially and I'm feeling confident that the experience will be a good one.

Here's wishing you safety and happiness and friendship,

Scotty
 
Hi Scotty,

It is so good to hear from you. And great to see you here.

Yes, there are a lot new faces on the Discussion Board--which, given the nature of what brings us here, is both good and also a bit sad. You understand, I'm sure.

Anyway, welcome back. You were missed.

There seems to be quite a bit more posting in the Gay Survivors recently, which I always find interesting.

Take care and good to hear that you're doing so well.

Regards,
 
Scotty - Yes, I remember you!! It's always good to hear reports of a member and the progress he's made!! Glad you found something that's effective for you too. The Utah experience looks really good. From what I heard, it's gorgeous and very soothing at Alta!! Unfortunately with my Board position I can't attend the weekends of recovery but I'm waiting for the first one I'm eligible for!! Thanks for sharing your progress!!! With all good thoughts and wishes!!

Howard
 
Hello Scotty!

I am one of those "newbies" that you don't know yet. But I just wanted you to know, I've been trying to keep the place as you left it. There's a fresh log on the fire. I recently dusted. And I've been keeping your chair warm.

Welcome home!

Jasper
 
Ah, it's good to be back. I just was reading many posts and remember being in the same boat. Doug and I went to Disneyland today and had a splendid time. Space Mountain closed just when we got there and they were kicking everyone out but I told Doug to hold on and stay. We went and got a piece of pizza and went back and waited for a few more minutes right at the entry way. Low and behold, the lights flashed back on and we were first in line. Suckers :D That kind of luck happend to us all day today.

I've introduced a friend to this site and it looks like he'll be joining me on the retreat. He's straight and very accepting and it makes it nice to have male friends where there's no expectation for sex (not that that happens now that I'm in a relationship). Still, it's nice to just have friends--something I'm still learning how to do.

Peace,
Scotty
 
Hey, Scotty!

Sounds like you and Doug had a great time. I am glad for you.

it makes it nice to have male friends where there's no expectation for sex
Click to expand...
I know just what you mean about that! Do you want to know the last time I was really close to another male where there was no expectation of sex? His name was Michael and he sat next to me in the first grade at Catholic elementary school! :eek: Then his family moved away and the next few years were hell.

Seriously, even though I'm in a long-term, totally monogamous relationship (21 years at the end of August), I still had a suspicion about straight men until I came to this site. I even felt leery of gay men where there wasn't any sexual tension. No, not the kind of sexual tension you act on but just a flirty kind of thing. Know what I mean?

Anyhow, if you only trust friends in your life that you sleep with--that means you don't have many friends! :( So me and Andy have basically stuck to ourselves a lot. At least I have. Andy is much more outgoing.

Now I know why I've been that way! According to Mike Lew's book ("Victims No Longer") it's all very typical for CSA survivors.

So the really positive news for me about this site is making friends with both straight guys and gay guys where there is none of that sexual tension. And it's a refreshing change. Like I feel really close to Roadrunner (Larry) and he is a heterosexual male and it's such a monumental development for me.

In other words: The kind of friendships and bonds I form at this site, help me in the real world. And I'm really grateful for that!

Take care,

Jasper
 
Yeah, I have "Victims No Longer" but have never read it. I'm going to go searching for it right now.

--Feeling inspired--
Scotty
 
Scotty,

Good to hear from you again. I haven't been here as often as I used to be either. Are you going to the retreat this year? I'm thinking about it but I'm not sure yet at this time.

Take good care of yourself,

Steve
 
Hello Scotty and welcome back.

I think that sites such as this have this phenomenon of "come and go" with the members. We tend to focus much of our energy in sites like this when we are in trouble and at a very low spot in our lives. Then, as we start feeling stronger, we want to venture out beyond the "safety net" of the people who have supported us and held us up from falling flat on our faces.

Sometimes it is a good thing to "take a break" because sites like this can be very intense and even overwhelming at times. As for my experience, I have to make a conscious effort to keep visiting on a regular basis solely for the purpose of writing to others in need to "pay it forward" and help someone just as I was helped.

I don't think that any of us will ever rid ourselves of the baggage that we have carried from childhood - after all it has made us the people who we are today - both good and bad traits. But, I think that we can realistically hope for the roller coaster of emotions to eventually slow down to a gentle ebb and flow.

Anyway, welcome back.

SD
 
Scotty,

We have never met before, but we will because I am going on the retreat in September also and can't wait.

I found out last night that another brother (vhd11) is going also, how coolll.

Am nervousley excited about it all.

Will PM U.
 
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