Hello oob,
I dont know about your girlfriend but when by husband tells me about his abuse, I can see and feel the pain that he has gone and still continues to go through. When I see this emotion I want to be very careful that I not infringe on him if he is feeling vulnerable at that time. Correct me if I am wrong but many survivors may have been vulnerable kids as in, lonely, needing love or attention, or simply craving a hug and they may believe that this vulnerability lead to the abuse. I dont want him to relive that feeling of being vulnerable and then having sex follow that feeling, do I make sense? Many times I will wait for him to approach me after we have talked. My belief is that this gives him back the feeling of control. He can feel vulnerable, that does not mean sex must follow (unless he chooses which happens also) and when he does wants sex, I reciprocate with all my love. Is this right? I dont know, it is just the rules that I follow. Dont be too hard on your girlfriend, Im sure it has nothing to do with how she feels about you. As you have had to learn how to deal with your abuse through the years, she too must LEARN how to deal with it, remember we love you guys and just want to do the right things to help you through this. Take care and god bless, LMH
