At what age did you become a survivor?

At what age did you become a survivor?
I truly started surviving immediately following the first instance of abuse by my sister when I was 8 and she was 13. Survival kicked in immediately.

What survival meant, from that day until last May (I was 42), was to keep my mouth shut and to keep the secret shame of what had happened to me from everyone, for fear they would know I was bad.

Since last May, I have been on a different journey of survival. I have acknowledged that there is nothing wrong with me, rather that something happened to me, and that talking about is my only chance.

James
 
Just read MULDOON'S question and think that it should be like murder----no limitation on time to prosecute.

David
Click to expand...
David it IS murder--soul murder! So you make a damn good point!

My overt SA began no later than age two and went to about age 11. But I quickly buried all memories
and so they remained until about 20 months ago. That's when I really moved from victim to survivor & started dealing with my problems, tho I'd been going to therapy & psychiatry for 10 years or so.

From my experience most survivors, at least male survivors, are unable to tell about their abuse until they get out of it and probably years away from it. This can be due either to burying the memories or dissociating from them as I did, or becuz of threats & fear, or intense shame, or not wanting to get your perps in trouble like if they're family as some of mine were, or just not even realizing what's going on is wrong thru all the confusion.

Too bad men who haven't been thru this can't understand it.

Too bad they can't try a little harder.

Well dammit I'm gonna be a squeaky wheel until their ears ache & I get some of the oil of justice & satisfaction!

Victor
 
Thanks guys this will be of great help to me in my work at the capital. This post will go a long ways at educating the Reps on the issue of CSA. We have our 1st hearing next week,3/25 at 7 pm. We get a full 2 hours for the bill,I will let you know how things go. I am hoping that the hearing will air on the Gov TV channel so that all can see it live in every part of the state. Later Muldoon
 
Another post I would like to get some input from the new guys for this years battle at the capital. Thanks Tom Muldoon
 
June 19, 1995 Age 30

When these words spoke to me sunk in: "I have the right to beat you.". They were spoken by my first ex-wife when I told her she cannot keep on beating me. I quickly realized, No, you do not have the right to beat me, nobody has that right.

The next night my second perp showed up to 'console' me. My realization came back, as applied to this situation, No, you do not have the right to rape me, nobody has that right.

That is when I stopped being a victim and started to survive.

October, 2002 Age 37

I started to take steps toward being a survivor and moving onward, instead of inward.

When I told the first person about the SA, my pdoc.
When I told the second person about my SA, my T.
When I told the third person about my SA, my wife (now ex-wife).
When I told the fourth person about my SA, new doc.

June 29, 2003 Age 38

The day I found MaleSurvivor and the great group of guys and gals here. And started down the path with guidance.

Where I started to tell my story of abuse.
Where I have made big steps in dealing with this stuff.
Where I have learned more about myself than I ever new.
Where I first understood an addiction of mine, (thanks Tony who lives in Texas for staying up with me until 5 a.m. to help me through this)

What age and when did I become a survivor - you pick the age and date above. They are all significant and meaningful to me.

Bill
 
i was 36 when my wife caught me having an affair. the only way we managed to survive was that i admitted everything, and began seaking help for my sexual issues. it was during therapy for it that i discovered my abuse. i was a victim for another couple years. i would only call myself a survivor for the past six months or so, but i remembered the abuse and began recovery work on it at 36.
 
I was 26...

couldn't even kick the shit out of that guy- the fucken drug I was fed ( pants were down & this fuck was givin me a blow job); he stopped when he realized I was getting my senses back...it never got to rape....i woke up from the drug in time....there is a GOD....or I was lucky. Don't like being taken advangate of, period....

back in -79-----

I'll be 51 in March.

I watch who makes my drinks now.......
 
Check this site: Good Healin' place...

https://www.survivingtothriving.org/
 
Muldoon -

Abuse at 12 (1969)
First reached out to friends (pissed at the time) aged 44.
Sought real help aged 46 - Dec 18th 2003.

At 44/46 outwardly there were initially few signs that anyone would recognise, however for about 6(?) weeks prior to cracking up at 46 (Dec 18th 2003) I was climbing trees on another planet. I was functioning at work in a responsible job, but 'I' was not there!

Best wishes ...Rik

*First came to MS Dec 31st 2003
 
This is far from easy, just having found this place today... The age of 36 is when the flashbacks first happened - just a few months ago. Long stretches of denial did not stop the onslaught of images. Over time the pictures became clearer. I remembered instances; moments in time with utter clarity, and perhaps not the actual words, but the gist of the dialogues and interactions.

I do not remember just when it started (at two or three years old, I surmise), but it stopped only when, at 5 or 6, I questioned the perp (mother) as to what we were doing. The ending was immediate.

5 or 6 until 36, I knew I was an angry person. I knew I had these unexplainable resentments towards women. I knew I never let anyone get close enough to me to hurt me. I knew I was self critical and self destructive.

I just have a hard time, still, accepting that my mind blocked this from me for thirty years...

It pains me to read your stories, nearly as much as it does to reveal my own. We shouldn't have to be dealing with this, but alas, we do. Sites like this are a gift.
 
Abused by three guys 16-17

Street hustler 17-21
Heroin addict 18-21
alcoholic 11-36
Married 36 years

first sought help when I was 56. am 63 now.
Why did I wait so long. I thought it was no big deal. Tried suicide three times. What a damned mess it was.
 
I became a survivor on January 12 this year. That day is as much a turning point in my life as any day has ever been.

Before that day, I minimalized what happened to me, and I was a victim and lived my life as a prisoner of myself. Life was hell. Events led me to face my past, and to begin to recover. Everything is still changing in my life, it is changing for the better.

For 20 years of my life of only 25 years, I lived in hell. Now I begin to live in reality. Reality is not hell, it is not heaven either, but it is real and that is enough right now.

Em
 
Other then things in my family, which I am still not so sure of mostly, the abuse began for me at age of 10. It continued until I was 18, and left my home country. I did not begin to work on it at all until June last year, so, I suppose I became survivor at age 23.

Leosha
 
I was abused from as early as I can remember until I was 17, and didn't begin dealing with it until just a few months ago, and am now a survivor at 20. BUt in a way I believe we were all survivors the first time anything happened to us, because in a way we did survive.

scott
 
Thanks for all your reply. It is great to see that soo many of you have begon your healing at a young age. I waited way too long before I found help and began my healing. Of course 30 years ago this great place of HEALING called Male Survivor was not around for us old timers to use. It does my heart good to know that MS is making a big difference in so many lifes. Tom
 
Age 2. then re abuse..self sought re-abuse froma ges 6-11. orignal abuse from moms boyfriend. other abuse was just anyone and everyone who was willing.
 
I was abused at 5 by a adolesent neighbor and 13 by a teacher and coach. I am now 36 years old. I have been in pain all these years. I never understood why I felt the way I did.

I have only started to heal in the last year.

If I could, I would sue my perp. He still works with kids.
 
I am going to put this post back out there to see what the guys here today have to say.
I feel that many guys are beginning this trip at a much younger age than most of us back in 2004.

thank You
Tom
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top